Finding my Heart
by pennylanexx
Summary: Bella and Jasper are high school sweethearts. Bella goes to college with Rose and meets Alice & her brother Edward and everything changes for all involved. Who is Bella's true love? What will it take for her to find her heart? JxB, eventually BxE. AH.
1. Changes

As I walked up the steps to the brick dorm building I was trying to determine if I was making a huge mistake or not. My name is Bella Swan and my life is about as perfect as a girl could ask for. I was constantly surrounded by the love of my best friends and family who had always been there for me. Well, until I decided to go away to school away from the majority of them. Today I had moved from my home town of Forks, Washington, a tiny little town that I was sure no one outside of those who actually lived there had heard of, to Seattle to attend University of Washington. It had always been a dream of mine to attend Udub, as students called it, and get accepted into their writing program. I had a great life back home in Forks, but this was something I really needed to do. I was willing to do it alone, but luckily I had the guidance of my best friend who was going to be my new roommate!

I have several close allies that I consider my best friends in the tiny town where I grew up. There is Rosalie Hale, my very first friend in Forks. She was the first person I met when I moved to town after my parent's divorce. I had previously lived with my mother, Renee, and her boyfriend but moved to be with my dad, Charlie when I was six. Rose and I met my first day at the local elementary school on the playground. Rose was obviously the most popular girl in class and I impressed her when I declined to kiss the class player behind the slides, slapping him instead and earning myself detention. While Charlie certainly wasn't pleased, at least I scored a new best friend out of the ordeal. We had been inseparable ever since. She was the complete opposite of me. She loved shopping, boys, and she was extremely popular. I guess you could say I was popular by default, just being friends with her but boys never looked at me when she was around. She was tall, blond, and modelesque while I was short, brunette, and quiet. She's my new roomie.

It was just Rose and I for a some time and while everyone wanted to be friends with us, we didn't really relate to many other kids our age and chose instead to hang out with each other and her older brother Riley. Riley and Rose were only fourteen months apart and if you looked at the two of them you would probably assume they were twins, they looked so close in age. He was tall and blond as well with bluest eyes you will ever see. I'd have probably had a huge crush on him if not for the fact that we grew up practically as brother and sister.

After years of the 'incredible threesome' as we called ourselves, we were joined by Emmett McCarty. He was introduced to us by Riley when he moved here from New York in my sixth grade year. Em instantly clicked with our group, which we considered rather hard to do. Rose and Em became super close, best friends if you will. But it wasn't until Rose and my sophomore year of high school that they finally admitted that they had more than friendly feelings for one another. That was about the time when I met my boyfriend, Jasper .

His family moved here from Texas and I was instantly smitten with him when I saw his gorgeous blond shaggy hair and dimples. How could I not be? He was everything a girl could dream of, the typical southern charmer, but not over the top about it, ya know? He was kind and sweet and different from other boys at my school. He got along well with everyone, but had the same sarcastic humor as we did and when he came around to hang out with us along with his new best friend Emmett, he was welcomed with open arms. We didn't get together immediately like some fairy tale. Anything but. I harbored feelings for him for months, Rose being the only one who knew of course. Finally though, Jasper decided that he saw something in me that no other boy or myself for that matter could see. He asked me to his junior prom and we had been a couple ever since. Our group was now the 'inseparable cinco'. Riley would occasionally bring a girl into the group when he got a new girlfriend, but not one ever lasted very long.

So, while I would be attending Udub in Seattle, Rose was going to join me as my roommate! Meanwhile, Riley and Em will continue at the local community college where they had attended for the past year and Jasper was going to join the other boys there. Emmett was studying mechanical engineering and his dream was to work for BMW someday. Riley was just going to the community college to get his associates and then planned on transferring to Udub as well. Jasper just didn't know what he wanted to do yet and decided to try out a few different classes rather than waste his parent's money on a high cost university. Some of you may be wondering how I plan on making a long distance relationship work between Jasper and myself. I honestly wasn't worried about the distance. I didn't think that it would make a difference in our relationship because I knew we were solid. We were in love, and I didn't think anything could take that away from us. You may call me naive, but I had never had my heart broken before and I didn't think it would happen. Jazz and I had been together for almost two years now, why would we break up after all that time together?

I made my way through the door to the dorm building and looked down at the paper in my hand trying to figure out which room I would be in. Rose bumped into me from behind and cursed at me under her breath.

"Move it Bells, c'mon we don't have all day!" she seethed.

"Calm down Rose. You know, you could help me instead of just following me and being a bitch," I hissed at her. She was always thinking about Rose, constantly complaining. Don't get me wrong, I loved the girl like a sister. While she could be incredibly self centered, she was also the most loyal friend one could ask for.

I looked behind her and saw the three goons goofing around by the car rather than helping us carry in my bags. Jasper was currently punching Em in the stomach and Emmett was loudly calling Jasper a pussy. Riley was standing by Emmett laughing his ass off. Those boys were never going to grow up, I swear.

Rose followed my gaze and rolled her eyes. "EMMETT GET YOUR ASS UP THESE STAIRS AND YOU BETTER BRING AT LEAST THREE BAGS WITH YOU!," she screamed at her boyfriend. Em immediately stopped his horseplay and followed his girlfriend's orders, grabbing four bags I noticed. Jasper bounded up the stairs right after him and wrapped an arm around my waist, kissing me softly on the cheek. I swooned, he was too cute for words.

A couple hours later I was all moved into the tiny little room that I would be sharing with Rose and my other, as yet unknown roommate. She still hadn't arrived, but I knew her name was Alice Cullen from the papers I had received from the college. I wondered where she was and what was keeping her. The incredible cinco decided to play a little game to keep us entertained while we awaited our new roommate. They were all sticking around until she showed up because of course they wanted to know if she was cool or not.

"Okay, let's play truth or dare," Emmett said, his voice sending vibrations throughout the room. I swear, he had the loudest voice on the planet.

I rolled my eyes. We played this constantly and at this point every single person chose only dares because there were no secrets among us. So usually it ended up with the boys doing gross and obnoxious dares to one another and me and Rose sitting there trying not to roll our eyes the entire time. I glanced at Rose and she looked about as enthused as I was.

"Jasper, truth or dare?" Emmett asked excitedly.

I looked at my boyfriend who was sitting next to me and saw that he was actually considering the question.

"Truth" he said. I looked at him in surprise.

"What are you possibly going to disclose that we don't know about you already Jazz?" Rose asked in her condecending voice. I hated when she talked to people with that voice, but right now I agreed with her.

He ignored her and looked at Emmett. "I'm sure Em can think of something to ask me, right Em?" he said.

"Definitely, we all know I love a challenge!" he said. He put his hand to his chin like he was actually deep in thought. I doubted highly that Emmett was even capable of deep thought.

"Okay, Jasper, here's one for the books. Have you and Bella sealed the deal yet?" he asked.

My face turned bright red. I guess there were certain things the boys didn't know about me yet. The truth was that Jasper and I had recently just 'sealed the deal' and I hadn't told anyone but Rose. I had sworn him not to share the details with the boys, but he clearly had. Emmett was teasing me and I wanted to die. Jasper was my first, and I was his first as well, and it meant a lot to me.

I looked at Emmett with fire in my eyes and saw his laughing expression falter slightly, then I turned my fury on Jasper. He was looking at me with his 'sorry face'. He wasn't going to be getting any more from me tonight or anytime soon that was for damn sure.

"Bells, I'm sorry. He swore he wouldn't say anything. Please forgive me?" he said, sounding genuinly sorry.

I fought internally with myself. On one hand, I was livid at him for sharing that personal fact with our friends, but on the other hand I had told Rose, was I going to be a hypocrite?

"It's okay," I acquiesced.

He looked at me in relief and we continued the game. Riley then dared Emmett to moon my new roommate when she first walked in the room and I wanted to kill him. I mean, what a great first impression, right?

We were in the middle of arguing about whether Emmett was allowed to actually do his dare or if I was going to get my way when the door opened so fast that it slammed against the wall behind it.

In bounded a tiny girl with black hair, shining blue eyes, and the biggest smile I had ever seen. She looked like a Disney character. She was followed by one of the most attractive guys I had ever seen. He looked like a freaking movie star, he was that good looking. Wow, so I guess beautiful girls really do always get the most beautiful boys. He was looking at Alice as if she might break as she took us all in.

"Oh my gosh! I am so excited to meet you all. I'm guessing you are Rosalie and you are Isabella?" she asked, turning to look at us in turn, causing us all to stare at her open mouthed.

I blushed slightly and didn't say anything because she had already turned to look directly at me and had a huge smile on her face. "I already kinda know you. I kinda stalked you on facebook," she said, no embarrassment showing on her face at all.

Emmett started laughing and everyone else soon followed. I hopped up and put my hand out to meet her but instead she leaped on me in a gigantic hug.

"Nice to meet you Alice, is this your boyfriend?" I asked, glancing at the boy behind her. He looked at me then, his stunning green eyes boring into me with an amused expression.

Alice started laughing and shaking her head dramatically. "Who, Edward. Oh Isabella, that is just too funny. This is my brother Edward," she said.

Yeah, good looks run in the Cullen family it seems.

"Oh, I get it. But please, call me Bella. The only person that calls me Isabella anymore is my grandmother," I said. I held my hand out to Edward to greet him and unlike his sister, he took my hand like a normal person.

"Well I guess I better introduce you to all these crazy people behind me. This is Emmett, the loud annoying one," I said. Emmett shot me a dirty look and made like he was going to go through with his dare from earlier but I guess my look told him that wouldn't be the best idea because he said his hello and sat quickly back down.

"And the gorgeous blond here would be Rosalie Hale, and next to her is her older brother Riley. And last but not least, my boyfriend Jasper Whitlock," I said, smiling at all of them in turn. They all said their greetings and then it was sort of an awkward silence for a few moments while Alice started organizing her bags on her bed. Edward and her came and went a few trips before they were through moving her stuff in finally.

"So, I think we are all going to head back now ladies, unless you need more help around here?"

Emmett said.

"No Em, we are all good. Thank you guys so much for all of your help," I said. "Damn I'm going to miss you all. I can't believe it will be three months before I see you all again."

"It's okay Bells, you can stalk us on facebook," Riley said, grinning at Alice who blushed slightly at his teasing. I pulled him in for a hug too and he followed his sister out of the room. Rose was walking Em out to say their goodbyes.

Before I turned to Em to say goodbye, I suddenly wasn't on the ground and immediately knew that he had grabbed me in a bear hug. "Em lemme down!" I insisted, giggling.

"But Bella boo I'm going to miss you too much to let you go," he said.

"Rose! Help!" I yelled.

"Okay, no need to call in the girlfriend on my ass, bye Bellsie," he said. "Bye Alice, bye Edward," he shouted over his shoulder. I saw them both hide smirks at his obnoxiousness.

Jasper and I followed them out into the hall to say the final goodbyes. When they were really gone,I turned to Jasper and he gave me a weak smile.

Now for the hard part. Saying goodbye to him. I had known that this was going to happen but it still wasn't easy. I turned to him and he was watching me, so I returned his a weak smile. He made his way to me and wrapped me in his arms, kissing me lightly on the cheek.

"Bells, you have no idea how much I am going to miss you. I don't think I am going to be able to wait three months to have you again," he whispered in my ear.

I blushed and pushed him away slightly. "I'm going to miss you too, I love you Jazz, I said quietly.

"Love you too Bells," he said, giving me one last hug and a small kiss before he followed the others out the door

I turned to go back into the dorm. I was alone now. Well, not really. I remembered suddenly that Alice and Edward were still standing in the room with me. I looked over at them and found Alice putting stuff down on her side of the room while Edward had clearly been watching me say my goodbyes. He gave me a sympathetic smile and I returned it...

I turned to go sit on my bed and mope a bit, but Alice clearly had other plans.

"Bella, would you like to go eat dinner with Edward and I?" she asked. "We can get to know each other better?"

"Sure," I said smiling. I really hoped we would get along as well as it seemed we would. She seemed like she got along with everyone pretty well though so I wasn't really worried.

We all decided on pizza and Edward pulled his car into the parking lot and we made our way into the quaint little local pizza joint that was right down the street from the University.

"So Bella, how long have you and Jasper been together?" Alice asked. I guess she planned on getting all the juicy stuff out of the way right away.

"Um, two years now. We started dating when I was a sophomore and he was a junior. What about you, are you with anyone?" I asked.

I took a sip of soda, not liking talking about myself. I glanced at Edward who was watching me, which caused me to blush. I was being rude, I should include him in the conversation. In fact, I don't even think I have heard him speak yet. "Edward, are you dating anyone?"

He looked like he was about to answer, but his sister cut him off. "Edward is dating Tanya, and let's just say I'm not her biggest fan. I'm glad she stayed back home in Alaska. Maybe you can find someone who appreciates you better," she said, looking at her brother. "Oh, but no, I'm not dating anyone at the moment. I wanted to start college off single, so much more fun that way!" she said, all of that in one big rush.

I stared at her in shock at the way she dissed her brother's ex-girlfriend right in front of him and for cutting him off. This girl was audacious.

"Bella, don't judge my sister too quickly," Edward said. It was like he read my mind or something. "Alice just speaks her mind and sometimes, like all the time, she offends people with her opinions," he said. He had a deeper voice than I imagined he would have.

Edward was grinning at Alice, and I again wondered how he wasn't angry at her for the way she spoke about Tanya. They were clearly incredibly close. Maybe this was a common topic between the two of them.

"Oh," I managed. "Well, you said you just moved here? Where from and where did you move?" I asked.

"We moved from Alaska down to this little town that we were born in when my dad got transferred to the hospital there. You've probably never heard of it," she said, waving her hand at me.

"Wait, don't tell me you are the kids of the new doctor in Forks?" I asked, not believing it. Suddenly I remembered Charlie mentioning his old friend Carlisle Cullen moving back to town and how he mentioned he had a couple kids around my age.

They were looking at me in shock as well, and I started laughing at how small our town and our worlds really were.

"What a small freaking world," I said.

"I can't believe this! We were only babies practically when we moved here. Oh, I guess I didn't mention this yet, Edward and I are twins. Fraternal, obviously," she said.

"Really? I never would have guessed," I said, glancing between the two of them. "Well, I guess you both are freakishly good looking." I blushed after saying this, especially when I met Edward's eye and he winked at me, teasing me.

"So, um, tell me about Tanya, Edward?" I asked. For some reason I couldn't explain I wanted to know more about this guy. I figured it was because I just couldn't get a read on him, and I considered myself pretty great at reading people.

He looked uncomfortable now, and I instantly regretted saying anything. Luckily for both of us, Alice cut in seemingly unaware of how her brother was feeling. "Yeah, she's a bitch. He's better off and he will see that soon. Too bad you have a boyfriend, you seem like just the kind of girl Edward should be dating!" she said, causing Edward to raise his eyebrows at me and of course me to reach a new level of embarrassment.

This girl was going to take some getting used to. "Yeah, too bad Bella," Edward's soft voice said as he looked at me from under his long lashes that were rimming his beautiful emerald eyes. Wow, what the hell was I doing? He is dazzling me as a joke and it clearly is working. Chill Bella.

I forced my blush to retreat and smirked at him, trying to pretend that he had no effect on me. Easier said than done. He shouldn't be having an effect of me though, I reminded myself.

Alice, acting oblivious to our teasing, changed the subject because we were clearly boring her. "So, tell me more about Rosalie. She's freaking gorgeous, as are you and not to mention that hottie you call your boyfriend. Forks clearly breeds good looking people," she said, laughing at herself. I giggled at her, not knowing if she was serious or not.

"Well, you will quickly learn that Rose doesn't take shit from anyone. She's the most loyal friend you will ever have, but she doesn't have many girlfriends. We don't tend to get along with other girls, her and I. No offense, because it totally seems like we are all going to be great friends, I'm just speaking from experience. But you seriously seem like you are going to fit right in with us," I said, smiling genuinly at her. "Oh, um, and you too Edward. I assume you are going here as well?" I asked.

He nodded and looked like he may answer, but Alice once again cut him off. "Oh Bella, I just know that we will all get along. There isn't really many people that I don't get along with honestly. Oh, and Edward will be around too of course, we are practically best friends," she exclaimed excitedly.

Just then my cell beeped and I looked at it to see it was Rose. I had been wondering why it had taken her so long to respond to my text that I was going to dinner with the Cullen's.

_**Haha, sorry B, Em and I got a little caught up. I'm so glad he drove seperately from the others...R**_

I wrinkled my nose in disgust before giggling at her. Alice and Edward looked at me in amusement, so I showed them the text. Rose wasn't the type to care about hiding her sex life from others...

_**Ew Rose, TMI. come meet us, we havn't even ordered yet. B**_

That's when I realized that we still hadn't been served. "By the way, what is going on with the service around here?" I wondered aloud. We had been there for at least twenty minutes...

"Seriously, I didn't want to be the one to say something, I thought maybe I was just really hungry or something and imagined time was going slower than it really was," Edward said, sarcasm seeping through his words. I laughed out loud at his tone and Alice stared at the two of us curiously.

"A fan of sarcasm Bella? Hmm, you and Edward should get along excellently then," she said, sounding happy at this fact. "He is the most sarcastic asshole you'll ever meet."

I looked at Edward and he raised his eyebrows and gave Alice a look like he had no idea what she was saying. I was trying so hard to figure him out that I didn't even notice Rose until she sat on my lap.

"Uh, hi Rose. That was fast. Wow, your hair looks amazing. Couldn't you have at least tried to make it look like you didn't have crazy hot sex with Emmett before you got here?" I deadpanned.

Edward laughed and Alice snorted afterwards. Not sure if the snort was in response to what I said or the fact that Edward and I clearly had the same sense of humor/sarcasm.

"So, catch me up on whatever you guys were talking about," Rose said, ignoring me and trying on purpose to be a bitch.

Alice jumped right into that trap and started blabbing on about every little thing that had been said so far. Rose gave me a smartass look and then turned to listen to Alice intently. I drifted into thoughts about Jasper before I was interrupted rudely by the skanky waitress finally showing up to our table, thirty minutes later to boot.

"Hi guys, my name's Lauren and I'll be your server tonight. So sorry about the long wait, it's been nuts here tonight," she said, glancing around the table unsincerley until her eyes swept over Edward, at which point she threw a huge smile on her face and actually seemed sorry she hadn't come over sooner.

"Yeah, I mean, it is really busy here, totally not your fault, Lauren was it?" Edward said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. At least I think it was. He made a point to look around the restaurant, which by the way was nearly empty, before looking back at her. I think she actually understood he was being mean to her because she glanced around nervously and blushed slightly before getting our order and quickly leaving.

"You don't have to be such an ass Edward, she was clearly into you," Alice said before breaking into giggles. So Alice had a cool sense of humor as well, awesome! I really could see us all becoming great friends. We spent the next two hours eating somewhat delicious pizza and getting to know each other.

Turns out Edward is majoring in psychology. He wants to be a children's psychologist, which for some reason I find fascinating. Why would anyone want to understand the deep crevices of a child's mind rather than delve into adult's issues? I'd have to ask him sometime. We also discovered that his dorm was right next door to ours, which was convenient. His roommates were two guys named Tyler and Mike. Alice is majoring in fashion merchandising. She apparently has known her passion for fassion since she was only seven years old. I laughed when she said that, but Edward assured us that she used to dress him up like he was her own personal ken doll. Rose and I demanded pictures at which point Edward looked like he regretted telling us anything at all.

After a while, we decided to call it a night and head back to our dorms. Alice, Rose and I stayed up for a little while longer, getting to know each other a bit better.

And that is how Rose and I became best friends with my roommate Alice Cullen. We spent the next three months with Alice, getting to know each other and having the time of our lives. While Rose and I and not to mention Alice, all missed our friends and families like crazy, we were enjoying the college experience together. Edward hung out frequently, but not nearly as often as the three of us girls.

I talked to my "brothers" regularly on the phone, as did Alice because she had started stalking all of my friends on facebook and soon enough she was inducted into the incredible, now six, group. Jasper and I spoke about twice a week, not as often as I would have liked becuase he was so busy with his homework, as was I with my own schoolwork.

One afternoon right before Alice and I were getting ready to head back to Forks for Thanksgiving break, I was lying in my dorm room with Alice and we were talking to Emmett on speaker phone.

"Bells, I can't wait to see you this weekend!" he exclaimed over the phone.

"I know, it's going to be a blast. have you seen Jasper around much? I haven't actually talked to him at all this week yet. I miss him so much," I said, visibly pouting.

"Bella, turn that frown upside down," Alice said, causing them both to erupt into laughter. Emmett can be such a woman sometimes.

"Yeah, he's been hanging around. He's super busy Bells, it's not like you guys are trying to not speak."

I agreed with him and we got off the phone, but not before promising that Rose would call him later when she got back from class.

Alice and I hung up and headed to dinner at the dining hall.

"So your brother's cool with hanging around my friends when we go home?" I asked.

"Yeah, apparently after we all met here, he friend-ed Riley, Jasper and Emmett on facebook and they've been speaking?," Alice said.

"Oh, that's pretty cool. What is it with you and your brother and facebook? Guess we are gonna have to expand to become 'the incredible seven' now. This is getting so out of control," I said, jokingly.

"Haha,shut up, facebook rocks. Bella, you are so amazing, what did I ever do without you in my life?" she asked, jumping on me and hugging me. For someone who was so tiny, I swear she was strong. And not to mention surprisingly loud. I looked around sort of embarrassed as people stared at us in the quad. She sure knew how to make a scene.

"Oh Bella, does it really matter what those people think? I am going to express my love to you any way I choose," she said.

I just smirked at her and we went into the dining hall. We enjoyed our dinner, joining some friends of ours, Angela, Ben, Mike, Tyler, Edward and Jessica. They were really the only ones we hung out with here at school besides Rose of course, and to be honest, we didn't even really hang out with them that much. The three of us much preferred to be holed up in our room just us than out making more friends, with the exception of Edward sometimes. While Alice was a social butterfly, she didn't emotionally connect with people easily, just like us. So while she made lots of acquaintances for us, we didn't really have any true friendships here besides one another.

The week flew by and before I knew it, Friday evening had arrived and my friends were waiting at the Hale's house for Alice, Rose, Edward and I to arrive. I flew outside and before I made it even halfway across the lot, I was caught in the arms of a beautiful blond boy who was currently kissing my neck tenderly and whispering how much he missed me in my ear. The feeling of being back in his arms made me feel more content than I had all week. I couldn't believe how much I had missed him. I broke myself away from him to greet my other friends.

Riley swallowed me in a hug, whispering to tell me how great I looked and that college was having a good effect on me, he could tell. Em wrapped me in a bear hug that left me breathless. After I broke my hug with Em, I looked up and noticed the new person standing off to the side next to Edward. He grinned this crooked grin at me and I smirked, not being able to hold it back as I held my hand up in greeting. That's when my gaze fell upon the strawberry blond that was currently wrapped up in his arms. How fitting, I thought. They were pretty much perfect together, both absolutely beautiful. Edward and his girlfriend made their way over to me and he held out his hand to me in greeting.

"Nice to see you again Bella," he said. Alice and Edward had followed Rose and I in my truck back home.

"Haha, yeah, it's been such a long time since we've seen each other," I said, laughing slightly. He just smirked at me again.

I turned to Tanya in order to greet her when I saw that she was staring me down like I was dirt beneath her very expensive looking shoes. Okayyyy then. If she was going to be a bitch right from the start, I wasn't going to pretend to be nice to her.

Jasper wrapped his arm around me at that moment, breaking our stare down. I noticed that Tanya immediately dropped the bitch stare and appreciatively took in my boyfriend's appearance. Ooooh, I was about to claw this girl's eyes out. Luckily for Tanya, Jasper cut in and introduced himself as my boyfriend, and it was all good.

We all decided to head out to eat and catch up before we did anything else.

At dinner, it was clear that Edward and Tanya had a really great physical relationship. They hung all over each other and it was almost uncomfortable to look at. Jazz and I made small talk and he touched my leg under the table, but we certainly weren't trying to grope each other like Tanya appeared to be doing to Edward under the table at their end. I couldn't believe that he wasn't stopping her. I tried to look away, but found it hard to do so.

The weekend flew by and was one of the best I could remember having. I wasn't so sure Alice was right anymore when she had suggested that Edward and I were going to be great friends. While he was nice to me and I liked his sarcasm, I just couldn't get past the fact that he could love someone like Tanya. To me, he seemed shallow because I just didn't see how he could possibly like Tanya for more than her outward appearance. She was seriously one of the most beautiful girls I had ever met, but she had proved herself worthy of Alice's evil portrayal. She was a big flirt, which I could tell bothered Edward but he never seemed to stand up for himself with her. Maybe they fought about it behind closed doors, who knows? She was also extremely shallow and just plain not the nicest girl around. She obviously thought that everyone was beneath her.

Jazz and I got to spend a romantic night together Saturday evening when everyone else was out to dinner together. We went to this little Italian place we always went to before I moved away, and it was very nostalgic. Just what I needed.

When it came time to say goodbye to everyone, it was with tears in my eyes that I told them I would see them for Christmas break in a month. It was only a month, I could survive that right?

That month flew by with homework and fun times with Al, and soon enough we were on the way home in Alice's awesome Porsche. Rose and Edward had decided to drive his Volvo back and bond over their shared interest in fancy car engines. I was texting everyone, letting them know we were on our way home when Edward responded, sounding pretty upset. Tanya had broken up with him over the phone on their way home. Apparently the breakup was completely unexpected. Alice called him immediately after I relayed the news to her and they spent the majority of the trip talking.

By the time that Alice got off the phone with her brother, we were pulling into her driveway. I had decided that I was going to spend the night at the Cullen's because we were arriving late and had plans to go out together anyways. I was practically jumping in my seat in anticipation of seeing everyone, but I put that on the back burner for a moment so I could ask Alice how Edward was doing.

While I still wasn't sure I liked him but I know that he didn't deserve to be dumped by the evil ice queen, no matter how much I thought he may be better off.

"Is Edward okay, Alice?" I asked.

She turned to me with tears in her eyes. "No, he's not ok at all. She was his first love, and I know how much we disliked her but Edward must have seen something in her. And she broke his heart, that whore. She said she met someone else but wouldn't tell Edward who it was. He has his suspicions but he wouldn't tell me. I plan on grilling him later and I'll let you know," she said like I had asked for intimate details.

"Oh, that's OK. I mean I'm sure Edward doesn't want some girl he barely knows to hear all about this stuff. It's personal," I said, grabbing my bag from the backseat and getting out of the car.

"I just can't believe that after Edward treated her so well and put up with her for all this time that she would just leave him for another guy," she continued to rant.

I kept silent as we made our way inside. We were greeted at the front door by Alice's mother Esme. I had met her when she came to visit Alice and we had all gotten along really well. She was like the mother I haven't had around for the past twelve years. She pulled me into a hug immediately after releasing Alice from her grasp.

"Oh Bella, you look beautiful," she said.

"I highly doubt that, I've been in the car for the past hour," I mumbled.

"Well Alice can show you to her room, I'm afraid you will have to share with her tonight dear," she said.

She then turned to Rose and hugged her, whispering similar sentiments in her ear. I gave Rose a concerned look, she had been in the car with Edward when it had all gone down. She smiled a weak smile at me in response. I noticed Edward looking quite numb as he finally got out of the car. He didn't look at anyone, not even his mom, as he pushed past her and went inside. I said goodbye to Rose, who wanted to go see Em right away of course, telling her we would meet up later.

"C'mon Bella, you can shower first because I want to go speak with Edward," Alice said, pulling me up the stairs after her.

She dumped her bag on her bed and grabbed me a towel and pushed me into the bathroom. Dang, she must be really eager to comfort her brother. I knew they were very close and her heart was broken just by seeing Edward upset. I wondered selfishly if this was going to put a damper on our plans tonight.

I stripped down and jumped in the shower, deciding that I could wait until after I was done to call Jasper and my dad. I was sort of surprised that Jazz hadn't called me or responded to my text that we were almost there but I didn't dwell on it, figuring he was busy.

After my shower, I toweled off and grabbed my cell from my bag. I saw a missed call but it was from my dad, not Jasper. Hmm, what the heck is he doing that is so important that he can't call his girlfriend to come and see her. Does he not miss me as much as I miss him? If I'm being honest with myself, I have to admit that I've been kind of insecure in our relationship for the past couple weeks. After our great weekend a month ago, he and I had just not had the same kind of communication that we did normally. I would get his voice mail a lot more, and rather than calling me back he would text me and say he was busy with work or that he was with a friend. I knew from Riley that he was hanging out with Em and him, so it didn't really bother me.

I figured I was just being paranoid. It's only natural that I would freak out a little about the long distance relationship that I was in, right? I had never been in a long distance relationship before so I wasn't sure what was sane to freak out about and what I was being a total lunatic about. I've discussed it with Rose and she says it's normal for me to be freaking out a little but assured me Jasper loved me.

When we did talk on the phone, it did seem like he was a bit more distant than normal. I was hoping that it was just the distance taking it's toll on us and that we could reconnect on this trip.

I dialed my dad first since he had left me a message wondering where I was but ended up getting his voice mail. I guess we are going to play phone tag, I thought.

"Hey dad, I just got to Ally's and showered. I'm going out with my friends tonight and will be home tomorrow morning. Can't wait to see you!" I said before hanging up and dialing Jazz.

He answered on the first ring, shocking me.

"Bells! I was just about to call you. So you at Alice's?" he asked.

I smiled to myself that he seemed enthusiastic. See Bella you are just a paranoid crazy girlfriend, I thought to myself. "Yep, we should be ready in about an hour. Come by?" I asked.

"Actually, I'm already out with some people. I was hoping to just meet up with you guys?" he said.

"Oh," I said, my heart sinking. I wanted him to want to see me so badly that he would rush straight over here. "Um, yeah. That's fine I guess. Who are you out with?" I asked.

"Oh, just some friends, some people you don't know from work," he said. He seemed surprised that I had asked, which I found weird.

I furrowed my brow and was about to ask him more about who he was with when he cut me off.

"Bells, it's pretty loud in here and they are calling me back over. Shoot me a text when you're ready okay?" he said.

I was about to respond but instead heard the dial tone. I put my phone on the bed and sat down, my heart sinking. I couldn't describe the feeling that I was currently experiencing but it wasn't good. I don't know how long I sat staring at the wall lost in thought before Alice spoke to me.

"Earth to Bella. Are you there?" she asked. I jumped when I realized she was right in front of me and wondered briefly how long she had been there.

"Oh, yeah sorry. I just got off the phone with Jasper and it was just weird. He wouldn't come over here, instead he wants to meet up with us because he's already out with people. I just thought he would want to come straight here to see me," I said, trailing off.

Alice was looking at me with a weird expression on her face but I was too busy thinking about Jasper to question it. I forced myself to stop thinking about myself so much and turned to ask Alice about Edward.

"So, what happened in there?" I asked.

She looked down at her lap with a sad look on her face. "Um, well Edward wouldn't tell me anything more but I think I cheered him up a bit. Maybe you could go talk to him a bit more while I'm showering? He's pretty upset still, but maybe you could convince him to go out with us tonight?" she asked, looking at me hopefully.

"Alice, I really don't think he wants to talk to me. He barely knows me and why would you think I would be any kind of influence in getting him to go out with us?" I wondered.

"Bella, you are my best friend, not some stranger. And I happen to know that Edward would love to talk to you, he told me that he likes you a lot, so there. No more excuses, go," she said.

I shuffled towards the door, but turned back when I realized that I didn't know which room was Edward's.

"Alice, which room is his," I asked, knocking on the bathroom door.

"Oh sorry, it's the last one on the left. Just knock, he'll let you in," she replied.

I made my way down the hall, feeling nervous. I didn't like talking with people I didn't know well. I was an awkward person and just found it hard to put myself in these situations. And I was thoroughly convinced that Edward did not want to speak to me. Alice was crazy...

I nervously knocked on the door, hoping that he just wouldn't answer. To my dismay, I heard feet coming towards the door and jumped slightly when Edward poked his head out.

His hair was even more disheveled than I remembered it being before we left, which meant he had been running his hands nervously through it, and his eyes were even brighter green because they were surrounded with red. Clearly the boy had been crying.

"Oh, hey Bella. How's it going?" he asked me in his velvety voice. My stomach flipped with nerves. How in the hell did Alice expect me to cheer up her heartbroken brother with whom I had barely shared even a moment of alone time with?

"Hey Edward. Alice thought maybe you'd like some company?" I asked, twisting my hands

"Yeah, c'mon in".

I dropped eye contact and allowed him to usher me into the room. After getting past the door, I stood there awkwardly, waiting for instruction from him on where to sit. Or maybe I should stay standing?

He just stared at me for a moment with a weird look and then gestured towards his bed. I blushed and went to sit on his bed. He pulled his computer chair out from under the desk and moved it so that he was sitting across from me. We just sort of stared at each other for a moment before I couldn't take it anymore.

"So, um, I'm really sorry to hear about you and Tanya. I know you really liked her and everything," I said, blushing again. I truely didn't know what to say to this boy.

His face turned sour and he shook his head. "I don't need your sympathy Bella. Thanks though," he said.

I felt like he had slapped me. I was just trying to be nice, I didn't even want to be in here.

"Bella, I'm not trying to be mean okay? I'm just in a horrible, rotten, bitter mood. Okay, well you know I'm sure from Alice that I think Tanya has been cheating on me, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, she mentioned that," I said, wondering why on earth he was choosing to open up to me about this.

"Do you ever have problems with the distance in your relationship with Jasper?" he asked, looking at me intensely.

"Um, well I wish I could say no but it seems lately that things haven't been quite the same. I'm hoping to reconnect over break though," I said. Wow, I had barely admitted it to myself and here I was saying it to someone who I barely know.

"I know how that feels, trust me," he said. "It's like, how do you know if you are being paranoid or if there really are problems staring you blatantly in your face all along like there were in my case," he said.

"It's like you're speaking my thoughts. It's hard to know sometimes. I guess all you can do is hope that it will work out if it's meant to, right?" I asked.

I found myself tapping his hand to comfort him and when I looked up he was looking at me and we had a sort of understanding from that gaze. We were two similar souls, I could feel a weird tie to him like we were meant to be friends. I think he felt it too. As I was considering voicing my thoughts on the matter, Alice came barging in the room and yelled at us to get ready because we were going out.

"There is no way I'm going out Alice. I'll see you guys later. Thanks for the talk Bella. It's nice to see you again," he said, giving me a small smile.

I smiled back and squeezed his hand before getting up and following Alice into her bedroom.

"So what are you going to wear Bells?" she asked, turning on me.

I rolled my eyes and told her to just do her devil work and dress me already. Even if I argued she wouldn't have let me out of the house until I was up to her standards.

An hour later, I was dressed in dark skinny jeans and a cute flowy navy top that looked good against my pale skin somehow. I was getting more and more nervous about Jasper. I really hoped once I saw him that everything would just be fine like it used to be. That all of the distance between us was made up in my own paranoid mind like Edward had said. We got in Alice's car and headed to the little pool hall/bar that our friends were at.

I'd like to say that the night went well and Jazz and I reverted back to our high school selves and were the lovey dovey couple we once were. Instead, I was greeted by a quick hug and kiss on the cheek before he took off to continue his pool game with Emmett and Riley. Rose was sitting on the sidelines nursing a beer and watching the boys.

You may be wondering how Rose could be drinking in a bar when she was merely nineteen like myself. We actually knew the owner of the pool hall/bar. His name was Jake and he was an old family friend of mine and as long as we didn't get out of hand, he let it slide when we wanted a beer or two. He was 25 and had always looked out for me like I was the little sister he never had.

Alice and I made our way over to Rose and spent the remainder of the evening being generally ignored by the boys. To say I was crushed would be an understatement. Alice squeezed my hand when she noticed how upset I was getting. I swear I tried to have fun, but it was just hard when it felt like my relationship was failing. What did I have to do to make Jasper act like he wanted me like he used to? We had only slept together that one time, and I had only gone through with it because I genuinely believed that we were good together and meant a lot to each other. I fully believed that he deeply cared about me at that point in time and I still believe that. It just seems like now we are drifting apart, the distance was taking it's toll on us, or we were just turning into different people than we had been in high school. It amazed me how three months could change so much in our relationship.

I decided to call it a night and Alice agreed to go with me. Rose had joined the game so she was staying behind with Em. Jazz seemed upset that I was leaving already, but I didn't really care. Maybe if he had shown a little more attention to me I would believe he actually was upset that I was leaving.

"Bye Bells," he said, pulling me into a hug. It was awkward at best, and I pulled away sooner than I usually would have. "I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Oh, I forgot I have plans tomorrow so how about the next day?" I said. Alice and I were having a girls day with Rose tomorrow and then coming back for a sleepover at her house afterward.

"Oh, well yeah. I'll see you then?" he said before turning back and joining the boys. I noticed that Riley was looking at Alice like he wanted to say something so I walked slyly over to him on the pretense of saying goodbye to Rose who was standing next to him.

"You have a crush on my girl Ry? You should ask her out," I whispered in his ear as I gave him a quick hug.

He blushed and didn't say anything to me but I saw him look over my shoulder at Alice again. "You dork," I said, laughing at him and pinching his arm.

"Bye Bella, bye Alice," he managed to get out before turning bright red again. Riley wasn't the best with girls, probably why none of them ever stuck around for long.

"Bye bitches, see you tomorrow," Rose called out as she stopped Emmett from trying to smack her ass as she bent over the pool table to make a shot. They were the funniest couple I knew.

"Aw, c'mon babe. Don't be shy," he said loudly in response to Rose denying him. "Bye ladies," he called out after getting another smack from Rose.

Alice practically jumped up and down once we were out the doors as she bounced to her car. "Bella, do you think Riley may be interested in me? We were kinda flirting a little tonight and damn he is cute," she finished.

I just smiled at her and didn't respond. She continued to ramble on about Riley but I was thinking about Jazz and what I could do to change this weirdness between us.

"Do you think I should break up with Jasper," I blurted out randomly. Alice had been in the middle of a conversation basically with herself since I hadn't responded in several minutes but she stopped talking and looked at me with her mouth wide open.

"Bella, are you serious? I thought you really wanted to make this work between you two?" she asked. "I mean, I know tonight wasn't what you wanted it to be but maybe it was because all of your friends were around. I think you guys need some time alone to reconnect."

"Yeah, I know you are right, but I hate this being in limbo crap. It's so weird between us and I can't stand it. There's no way I'd actually dump him and I would be devastated if he dumped me, I don't even know why I asked that."

"Things will get better Bella. If it's meant to be, things will work out for the best," she said, patting my hand in a similar way to how I had comforted Edward earlier that night.

When we got home, Alice was tired and promptly passed out but I was kind of wired from my incessant thoughts and spent a little time reading in her room before I got thirsty and decided to get a drink of water.

As I was walking past the Cullen's living room I swear I saw someone sitting on the couch in the dark and thought I was imagining it but double checked and saw Edward just staring off into space in front of the blank television.

"Edward? What are you doing down here like this?" I asked.

He blinked a couple times and then glanced up at me. "Bella?"

"Yeah, are you okay? You were just sitting there totally spaced out a couple seconds ago," I said.

"Um, yeah I'm fine. Just thinking, ya know?" he said. He continued to stare at me so I sat down quietly next to him.

"Yeah, I know. I've been just thinking for hours up there. Can't sleep at all."

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked, shocking me. It was kind of interesting to me how we seemed to just be able to talk to each other like we had known each other all of our lives when in reality we were virtually strangers.

"Yeah, actually I do," I said.

And so started the first of many future long late night talks I would carry on with Edward Cullen. We sat there for hours and I ended up sharing my whole story with him while he shared his story with me and we compared notes.

My remaining time in Forks was spent mostly with family, but I did get that date night with Jazz. We talked and ate amicably, but there just wasn't that same camaraderie that had always been present between us. He was distant to me, not really sharing much about his life apart from me while I shared everything I could possibly think with him. I tried to pry information from him, but all I got was that he was busy working with his father and hanging out with Em and Ry and some new friends he had made through his work. We hugged and kissed at the end of the night and went our separate ways.

When I went back to school a couple days later it seemed like I was saying goodbye for real this time. I had an eminent feeling that my life was changing in ways I wasn't quite ready for.

Edward and I called each other often, using each other as a sort of venting of our frustrations over our difficult love lives. Over the weeks, Edward talked less and less about Tanya and it turned into eventually just me calling him upset about Jasper not calling like he promised, or me thinking about him and getting upset. I was happy that Edward was happier and was moving on from Tanya though because I really wanted him to be happy. He was always kind and funny and made me feel better. I loved how close we had become in such a short amount of time, but no one else knew about our talks. It was kind of an unspoken truce that these were private conversations meant to be kept between the two of us alone. We didn't really hang out in person unless it was with the group either.

It was hard keeping that secret from Alice and Rose because they were ALWAYS around me. Alice would often come home from class and find me on the phone with her brother and ask who I was talking to and I would have to lie and say it was Rosalie or my mom. I hated lying to her and I'm pretty sure she knew I was keeping something from her, but it didn't feel right telling her quite yet.

Jazz and I talked every couple days, and while we still weren't back to how we used to be I felt like I was dealing with the distance thing alright and he still told me he loved me so I thought everything was going to be okay between us.

Christmas break passed in a blur. I spent the holiday in Forks with Charlie and Jasper came over. Everything was actually really great and almost seemed back to normal. New years eve was spent with Jasper and my friends at the Hale's place where Rose threw a small get together for our group. We ate, talked and caught up with everything everyone had been up to. Edward and I spoke briefly but it was only as if we were acquantences, not two close friends that we seemed to be in reality behind closed doors. With Alice watching me like a hawk, I kept our conversations short and moved on quickly to say hello to someone else. Edward and I hadn't had the conversation about keeping our friendship secret, and I really didn't know why we did but if he felt like me it was simply easier than having to explain how easily we understood each other and the weird bond we seemed to share. I didn't want everyone to think it was something it wasn't, because even to me it seemed that maybe we were closer than we should be sometimes. I didn't want it to get back to Jazz and have him freak.

I went back to Seattle and spent my days doing homework, hanging out with Alice and Rose, or talking on the phone to Edward. I had finally spoken to Alice and told her that Edward and I had been talking a little bit. At first she was shocked, but when I explained that it all started because we had bonded over having long distance relationship issues she understood. I downplayed quite a bit how much we actually spoke, but she really didn't pry for more information like I had assumed she would. She was always up in my business but I guess she trusted Edward enough not to have to know every detail about our friendship.

Time went by quickly, and a week before Alice and I were going to head back to Forks for summer break, Jasper showed up at my dorm room door unexpectedly.

I was just sitting in my bed supposedly working on homework but really playing on facebook when he knocked at the door. Alice jumped up and answered and let out a little squeal when she saw who it was. Rose joined her before I could and turned to me with a huge smile on her face, knowing how excited I would be.

"Jazz! What are you doing here? This is unexpected," she said.

I practically flew to the door and when I saw him he smiled at me and gave me a weak hug. "What a nice surprise," I said, moving so he could come in.

"Hey Bells, actually I was hoping me and you could go get some lunch or something?" he asked. I had a weird feeling in my stomach but I chose to ignore it. It seemed like something was wrong with him but I couldn't be sure. We had spent so much time apart lately that I was almost forgetting all the little details I used to have burned in my memory. Like how he averted eye contact when he was keeping something from me, pretty much like he was doing right now.

"Oh, sure. Let me grab my coat and we can go." I smiled at Alice and Rose as we left and she gave me a hopeful smile.

I followed Jasper out to his car and he didn't say anything which I found odd. "So, what brings you here? I'm coming home in a week you know, and I think it's for good this time. You know how I've been saying that I want to just go to the community college with all you guys? I think I seriously want to do that and then come back up here to finish off my last two years" I said, hoping he would be as excited as I was about the prospect of us being together for the next school year and not apart any longer.

He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes and I started to get nervous. "Well, I wanted to talk to you about that Bells," he said.

My stomach dropped. I opened the car door and joined him in the car and he put the keys in the ignition. He was just about to put the car in reverse but I put my hand over his and stopped him.

He looked up at me and I knew something was up. Was he breaking up with me?

"Don't even bother going to a restaurant. You can talk about whatever you want to say right here," I managed to say, though my voice was a bit shaky I noticed.

"Bella, I don't know how to say this.I just got accepted into this prestigious internship in Washington D.C. for the History museum know my dad's friend is really good friends with the museum's Curator, and he got me on there. I think it will really help my career. I know we were supposed to have the whole summer together, but I really can't pass this up. It sucks that we won't be together again all summer, but I hope you can understand what this means to me," he said.

He looked at me, his icy blue eyes burning into mine and I knew he was speaking the truth. He had been speaking to me about how much he was enjoying the couple of history classes he had been taking at school.

I felt numb and the tears were threatening to come down in massive amounts. I wouldn't let him see me cry, I promised myself. "Jazz, I'm so happy for you!" I said, even though I felt like I wanted to throw up. "So when do you leave? At least we will have a little bit together right?" I asked.

"Um, actually, I leave next week. Monday, the day you are leaving here. I'll probably be gone by the time you guys get back. That's mostly why I came up here. To say goodbye," he said, looking down at his lap like he was scared of my reaction.

I blinked back more tears but refused to be selfish with this great opportunity he was receiving. I leaned over and hugged him long and hard, and he hugged me back. "C'mon, lets go eat. I'll buy you dinner to celebrate," I whispered softly.

"Um, that's another thing. Today was the only day I could get up here, but I have to go back already. My dad just called and said his friend is coming in town just to meet me and I definitely can't miss. The Curator from the museum is going to be there and everything. I'm kind of excited to get to meet him, you know?" he said. He sounded excited and I wondered how he didn't feel sad at not even getting to really have a proper goodbye with his girlfriend before he didn't see her again for the entire summer. Especially after we had just spent nearly five months apart. Do NOT be selfish Bella. His career means a lot to him. But so do you, so get over it.

"Oh, okay. Well I love you, I guess I will see you at the end of summer?" I asked, not really believing it yet. Was this really happening?

"Yeah, second week of August is when I get home. I'm sorry we have to do it like this Bells, are you upset?"

"Yeah, I mean, It hasn't really sunk in yet, and it really sucks you can't even stay here tonight but I really am happy for you," I managed. I could feel tears threatening to pour out.

He leaned in for another long hug, but I broke it up sooner than I would have usually because I just really needed to get away from him and think about all of this and mope for a while. "Bye Jas, I love you. Call me every time you get the chance?"

"Of course Bells, love you. Miss you already," he said softly, kissing my forehead.

I pushed my way out of the car and walked quickly away in the opposite direction of my dorm. I couldn't face Alice right now. I didn't want to see anyone like this. I felt so vulnerable and just needed to be alone. I walked until I realized I had made it all the way to the far end of campus from my dorm building and sunk into a bench. It was raining outside, but I could barely feel the drops as they hit my head. All I felt was numbness and a stone where my heart should be.

Before I even knew that I was doing it, I found myself reaching in my purse and calling Edward.


	2. Tell me why

"You could write a book on how

To ruin someone's perfect day

Well, I get so confused and frustrated

Forget what I'm trying to say, oh

I'm sick and tired of your reasons

I got no one to believe in

You tell me that you want me, then push me around

And I need you like a heartbeat"

-Tell Me Why, Taylor Swift

BPOV:

Before I even knew that I was doing it, I had reached for my phone and dialed Edward's number. He answered the phone after two rings and I almost cried out in relief. That's when I realized I actually was crying. I hadn't noticed in my state of numbness, but tears were falling down my cheeks in a silent manner.

"Hey Bella, what's up?" he answered in a lazy voice. I pictured him lying in his bed listening to music. It just seemed so Edward. It's not like I was even that close to him to know what he did in his downtime. In fact, if I was honest with myself, the only thing I knew about Edward was about his love life. It's kind of weird now that I think about it.

"Edward, thank god you answered," I managed before letting out a sob I hadn't known I had been holding in.

"Bella, what's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked, sounding panicked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just really wanted someone to talk to and I don't know, I just ended up calling you. Sorry if I'm bothering you. I just feel like I can tell you these things that I don't want others knowing about my love life, probably because you are kind of unbiased about me still," I said, realizing I was rambling.

I heard him laughing softly on the other end of the phone. Well, I'm glad I can be of service to you as an unbiased listener and love advice giver," he teased. "So what did this ungrateful boyfriend of yours do this time?"

I snorted in response. Edward had been teasing me for weeks that I should find a boyfriend that appreciates me more, because apparently according to him, Jasper didn't know how to treat me like I deserved. "Edward, he's still my boyfriend, please don't talk shit," I said, knowing he would know I was just joking. I then went on to tell him my whole story about Jazz and how he was going away to his internship all summer.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. I know how much you were looking forward to finally reconnecting this summer. Geez I sound like such a fucking woman. Kill me now. Bella Swan, you have turned me into freaking Oprah," he said after I was done.

I cracked up as I got a mental image of Edward, but replacing his crazy spiky mess of hair with Oprah's big poufy black do. "You are a riot, Mr. Cullen. You always know how to make me feel better about this stuff, I hope you know how much I appreciate your friendship. If that is what you want to call whatever this weird relationship is that we are carrying on," I said.

"What? What do you mean weird relationship? You mean how we saw each other over winter break and you acted like you never have hour long phone conversations with me like we constantly do? The weirdness is all your fault Swan," he chastised me.

I blushed, even though I know he couldn't see me. He was calling me out. I guess it was one sided about wanting to keep the extent of our friendship sacred and secret. "Okay, it's not like I don't want people to know we talk and stuff. It's just easier for them not to know than for me to sit there and spend half an hour explaining how we started talking and why I feel like I can talk to you about boyfriend stuff more than I can my own best friend. Because I don't even know why myself." I suddenly felt really insecure about what I had just admitted. Edward probably only shared with me all of his personal information about Tanya because he knew I was upset and was trying to comfort me. What if all this time I was annoying him by continuing my sob-fests?

"Bella, you don't have to explain yourself to me. By the way, I feel exactly the same so don't stress out about it okay? I guess you were right when you said it's probably because we don't really know each other too well and that it doesn't really matter what the other thinks right?"

"Oh, so it doesn't matter what I think?" I asked, teasing. I knew he was just trying to make a point.

"You are so self conscious, always seeking approval from others," he teased back.

"Edward, that's not very nice to say. I'm going to sit and ponder what you think of me now all day long and probably cry and then write a blog about it," I deadpanned.

"You are such a dork Bella. Well, I'm glad you are feeling better about all of this. Summer will be over before you know it anyways and you will be back in sweet Jasper's arms. Besides, you get to spend the entire summer with Alice and me and maybe we can finally get to know each other a little better. Find some things out about each other that don't have to do with Jasper or Tanya. Ugh, you made me say her name."

"Uh, you said that all on your own big boy. Yeah, you are right though, you and Alice are going to have to distract me. Rose and Em are going away to spend the summer in Paris at Emmett's aunt's house. I'm so jealous everyone is going away this summer!"

"Everyone but you, me, Al and Riley," he said.

A light-bulb suddenly went off in my head. "OMG Edward. This suddenly became so perfect! You probably have no idea and I hope I can trust you with this secret, but I think Alice totally has the hots for Riley and I know for a fact he has the hots for her. Our goal this summer is going to be to get those two together because they are just impossible on their own," I said, getting really excited at the prospect of making two of my best friends into a super couple which I know for a fact would make them extremely happy.

"Wow, so I'm learning more and more today about you Swan. So you like matchmaking huh? You going to match me up this summer?"

"Do you want to be matched? I can't think of a single girl good enough for you that I know. Obviously I don't really get along well with other girls. Rose and now Alice are the rare exceptions to that rule. And you obviously can't date them."

He laughed at me. "Why don't you get along well with other girls? Is it that insecure side of yours showing up again?" he teased.

I blushed again. Damn, he was having a weird effect on me today. "Shut up Edward, I just don't. I'm a weird girl. Totally not all girly girly like most others. I just like different things than most girls I've met. For instance I actually like reading for fun. Oh, and I'm a bit too passionate about my love of music. I have good music taste, not like other girls who just love that rap crap on the hit music stations."

Here I was rambling again. I'm sure Edward didn't want to know about my preferences like this...

"Really? I had you figured for a Lady Gaga and Britney fan," he said sarcastically. "No, seriously, I get that vibe from you that you are different. You really are one weird girl, Swan. But I like it," he said.

I blushed again at the compliment. What the hell?

"Well, it's been a pleasure talking with you today Bella, but I have to run. Literally. I was on the way out the door for a run when you called. See you next week and tell Ally hello for me. I miss that little twin of mine, I hardly see her considering we live right near each other," he said.

"Okay, sorry for keeping you Edward. Thanks again for talking, see ya," I said before hanging up.

I walked back to my dorm slowly, not really in a rush to rehash the whole thing with Alice. But I was in an exponentially better mood due to Edward, so I was smiling as I walked in the door and found Alice rummaging through my closet.

"What the hell Alice?"

She turned around quickly and gave me an appraising look. "Where's Jasper? How was lunch? Did he have to go back already?" she asked in a rush. I could tell she was trying to keep me from questioning her further on why she was in my closet.

"What are you doing in my closet Al?"

She blushed slightly and then it faded as soon as it had arrived. I rarely saw that girl blush.

"I was simply looking to see what I was going to get rid of for you. You have some good items, but a lot of stuff is no good. We need to go shopping. For a whole new wardrobe really," she said. She gestured to a huge pile of some of my favorite clothing items that I just noticed were sitting on my bed in a heap.

My eyes bugged out and she quickly stepped in front of me and put her arms on mine to keep me from swatting at her. "Calm down Bella, that is the keep pile," she said.

"Alice. Step away from my closet right now if you want to live."

"Okay, okay," she mumbled, throwing her hands up in the air and retreating to her side of the room. "So you had this smile on your face when you walked in. I guess lunch went well?"

I smiled and then launched into the whole story, even telling her practically my entire conversation with Edward. She got a look when I mentioned how teasing we were with each other and I quickly told her what a great friend I thought Edward was, just so she didn't get any weird ideas. I mean, Alice knew that I had lots of guy friends, but it was her brother and she was probably a bit more concerned with our friendship than she would be if I had befriended a random guy from school or something and mentioned how we were talking and joking with each other all the time.

"Oh Bella, we are going to have a blast this summer!"

She hugged me and jumped up and down as she got excited about the prospect. "It sucks Rose won't be there though, and it definitely sucks for you that Jazz won't be there," she added, sounding about ready to cry. It always amazed me how quickly her emotions jumped around.

"Yeah, it does suck. Well, let's just get through these finals and get back to Forks," I said.

"Ugh, don't remind me about finals. I have so much studying to do. It's going to kill me. Oh, I forgot to ask, is Riley going with Rose and Em this summer?" she asked, trying to be sly by going back over to the bed and putting some of my clothes back in the closet.

I just smiled and shook my head at her, remembering my plan with Edward. She turned around and saw my smile and flushed slightly. "No Alice, Riley is not going with Rose and Em. He will be home all summer, so it will be just the four of us. Pretty cool right, you'll get to know him pretty well I guess," I said, pretending that I didn't have ulterior motives.

She just nodded with a far off look in her eyes and then continued putting the rest of my clothes back in my closet. Thank god, because I was so not in the mood to do it. I sunk onto my bed once she was done and pulled out my books, ready for this semester to end so I could get home and start my summer. The sooner the summer started, the sooner I would see my Jazz again.

Today was the day I had been waiting for. Moving out day! The girls and I had somehow made it through our finals without dying and were now in the process of getting all of our crap out to the cars of the boys who had come up to help us. Emmett and Ry came up to help us move our things back to Forks and it had been pretty amusing so far. Emmett had been handing out tickets to his "gun show" all morning long and I was about this close to smacking him upside the head, he was getting so damn annoying.

When the group arrived, us girls had scrambled to make sure that we weren't leaving any of our precious possessions behind and began moving the boxes downstairs one by one. Rose pretty much didn't help, choosing instead to stand by the car and examine her perfect nails and complain. Riley, Em and Edward all joked around as they carried stuff back and forth to the cars and I was shocked at how well they all seemed to get along. Edward had seemingly fit right into the group flawlessly. I can't say I am surprised really, he is pretty awesome. When they had arrived, I had been pretty excited to see everyone again, but not nearly as excited as Alice was when she saw Riley. Let's just say it wasn't one sided. He looked like the cat who swallowed the canary, he was grinning so hard. I am pretty positive that so far today, he has only spent time carrying down Alice's stuff so that he has an excuse to talk to her every ten seconds. It's working.

When we got the final box put in the car, I announced that I was going to run upstairs and double-check that we had gotten everything out of the dorm.

"I'll go with you if you want," Edward said, following me as we climbed the stairs up to the room that, though I was glad to be leaving at the moment, I knew I would miss.

"Cool, lets go," I said, smiling happily. I was really glad that he had come to help, even though I knew it was because of his sister, not me. I was just glad to see him. I felt like he was one of my best friends now. We just got each other like no one else seemed to, and whenever I was in his presence it reminded me of that and made me feel good.

We made it up to the room and I quickly did a scan and came up empty handed. I stood in the doorway for a couple more seconds lost in nostalgic thoughts before I turned back to Edward who was waiting behind me in the hall. I must have looked upset, which I didn't even realize, because he wrapped me in his arms suddenly and I felt a tear fall down my cheek slowly. See what I mean about just understanding me, even when I don't understand myself? Even Rose and Alice don't have that kind of connection to me. I let him hold me and noticed how nice he smelled, like cinnamon and something that was unique to Edward. I could stand here and sniff his shirt all day, but I decided against looking like a freak and pulled myself away.

"Are you upset about Jasper not being able to be here to help you move?" he asked, looking down at me with concern.

This kind of shocked me, because Jazz is not the reason I was upset.

I slowly shook my head no and his eyes kind of popped a little at that. "Well, I'm really just a big baby and hate saying goodbye to anything, even a dorm room that the only good thing about it was meeting and getting to know you and your sister in. I just really don't like change. But I know this is good change. This summer's gonna be pretty awesome, don't ya think?"

He nodded and smiled at me and tilted his head back towards the stairway to go down to the parking lot.

"I get you, I hate change as well, though like you said, some change is good. Really good. Like, I'm really glad we started having our little talks. It's made my life better for sure. C'mon, we better get back down there or they are going to start thinking something ridiculous is happening between us up here," he said with a goofy grin.

I laughed at his joke, but blushed at the same time at the idea of someone thinking i was hooking up with him. He was just beautiful, I couldn't imagine being lucky enough to be with someone like him in that way. Besides, I had Jazz, and he was pretty beautiful himself. Edward was just like, a freaking movie star beautiful. I shook my head to rid myself of these damning thoughts and followed said movie star God down the stairs. Why am I just now noticing how amazing his ass is. Seriously...I don't think I've ever seen an ass as great as his is. I can't believe I am having these thoughts...

"I'm sure Rose is down there whispering crazy shit to Al right at this moment..." I joked.

He chuckled and turned around to wink at me. "If I could be so lucky, I don't think it would be in your dorm room," he said.

My stomach churned with butterflies at his comment and gesture. What the eff? No one had ever made me have butterflies since the beginning of Jasper and I's relationship. Why would the thought of us possibly hooking up even be in his head? Probably just because he knows how perverted and sexual our friends are and what they may think anyone who is alone with the opposite sex for an extended period would be doing. My head was spinning and I quickly shook my head to rid myself of the thoughts inside.

Emmett and Edward had both driven and the rest of the group was in the process of fighting over who was riding with whom.

"Well, obviously I am riding with Em, and I figured that Riley and Bella would just ride with us too?" Rose was saying.

Alice was looking at her and trying to express to her that obviously Riley should ride with her and Edward, not with them. Or at least that's what I am guessing. Funny how well you can read your friends after a certain amount of time together.

Rose just rolled her eyes amused and pretended she had no idea what Alice was trying to get across. I decided to save the day and suggest it for her, but Edward beat me to the punch.

"Al, why don't you go ahead and ride with Emmett, Rose and Riley? I know that you don't know the guys that well still and you probably want to get to know them more right?" he said, smirking.

Alice started grinning and Riley didn't look upset at all by the prospect. I can't say I felt the same. Now I was going to be stuck as a fifth wheel in Emmett's jeep. That is when I also realized that Edward would now be alone in his volvo. Should I volunteer to ride with him? Would that look sketchy? I don't want people to think something is going on with us if we keep putting ourselves in situations where we are always alone together. But why does that even matter? Clearly we are just friends. No one else is thinking the way I just thought. I blushed when I realized I had missed Edward calling my name and everyone was staring at me as I had this internal fight with myself.

"Huh?" I asked.

Everyone giggled at me and I heard Rose mutter something under her breath. I'm sure she knew exactly what I was thinking. She could read me like a freaking book.

"I was just suggesting that you could ride with me if you want? Seems Em's jeep is going to be rather full and I'll be all alone, not that I mind if you want to ride with your friends of course," Edward said to me.

I looked around and realized that no one was even paying attention to me anymore. That's when I also realized that I was the only one freaking out about the whole idea of Edward and I being alone and smiled at my crazy self.

"Well, I really want to be with my friends, not some weirdo like you," I teased.

He grinned at me and pushed my shoulder. Then his face got serious. "Well I get it if you really do want to ride with your girls. It's not that big of a deal, it's only a three hour ride," he said.

"Don't be stupid, I'm not leaving you alone for the whole drive," I said. "And it's not like we are going to split those lovebirds up, so guess your only option is me. By the way, nice job getting Alice in with Riley. I was about to do it but you stole my thunder."

"Aww, I'll give you the credit next time. Let's get your stuff in the car Swan, we don't have all day here. Looks like they're ready to hit the road." He grabbed my car bag with my cell and some books I packed to read on the road in it from me and threw it in the front seat floorboard for me.

I quickly ran over to Rose and gave her a hug from behind when I saw her bickering with Emmett over something stupid I'm sure.

"Hey guys, I'm gonna ride with Edward, don't want him to be all alone since Alice is riding with you guys now," I said. Emmett flashed me a huge smile, his eyes glittering.

"Don't even think about it Em, you know I have Jazz."

He feigned a confused look suddenly. "But what do you mean Bella? I was simply going to say have a good trip," he teased. I stuck my tongue out at him and promptly turned around.

I found Edward waiting for me already in the driver's seat. He smiled at me and turned on the Volvo and we were on our way. I saw him reach to turn on the music and instantly became curious as to what he would choose to listen to. To me, you can tell a lot about a person based on their music preference and to be honest I was really interested in finding out what he would pick.

The rocking tunes of a Black Keys song came on and I grinned to myself. I had recently gotten into them after hearing a song from Riley, who is a self proclaimed music snob. He claims he has the best music taste ever and is constantly finding new bands and artists that most people haven't heard of and trying to get me into them. It's something that the two of us have in common that the rest of the group just can't get into. Rose and Alice both like the basic stuff you'd hear on the hit music channels on the radio and Emmett and Jazz like sort of the same music as Riley and myself but not to the extent of fans we are of it.

"You like what you hear Bella?" he asked, and I looked to see him smiling to himself. "I'm impressed you know them."

"Yeah, I love the Black Keys. Attack and Release is one of my favorite albums," I said shyly.

"Yeah, it's really great. I just saw them live a couple weeks ago. Blew my socks off."

I snorted. "Blew your socks off? Are you from the fifties? That was hilarious."

He laughed at himself with me and softly started singing along with the chorus. I found myself in a sort of trance just watching his lips forming the words. He had an excellent singing voice. Not anything like Dan from the Keys, but he made the song his own and I was loving it.

"Wow, you didn't tell me you could sing Edward. Your voice is amazing."

I swear I saw a faint blush, but he was far too cocky to allow me to see it for long. He flashed me his dimpled crooked grin and winked at me, effectively removing any thoughts from my head but that damn smile that seems to send butterflies straight to my stomach every time. It was his lady killer device.

Yeah, I believe all guys have a 'lady killer device'. Something that they know drives women mad and when they want something from them they know they can just break out whatever it is and they'll get what they asked for. With Riley it's this intense look he'll give you by looking at you like you are the only person on the planet. Jasper's is his sexy smile and southern twang. Yes, he has two because he's my boyfriend and obviously a bigger lady killer according to me than anyone else. He totally brings the twang out more when he's trying to impress chicks. Case in point, I heard lots of twang when we first were dating but he's dialed it down since. Em's is also his smile but his is more goofy. His charm is his sense of humor for sure.

Anyway, let's just say Edward's 'device' worked on me. I was a bit charmed and I shook my head trying to clear the fog. I pulled out my phone and texted Rose. She knew all about my crazy nonsensical lady killer theory and we were always texting back and forth when we discovered someone's.

_I found Edward's lady killer device. Remind me not to look when he pulls out his crooked smile..._

My phone buzzed back almost instantly.

_HAHA. I just lol'd. Haven't heard of any discoveries in far too long. Nice, can't say I've seen it yet but i'll let ya know if I agree. It's not official until we both say so ya know. ;)_

I rolled my eyes. Yes, there were even official rules apparently.

_Hope Ally didn't hear you lol...don't wanna give her the wrong idea about me finding Edward's smile so hot...but I'm sure she's otherwise occupied if you know what I mean._

It took a couple minutes this time, and I heard Edward sigh so I looked over at him. He was staring at me and back at the road every two seconds. If I'm not mistaken I'm pretty sure he was trying to read what I was texting about. I instantly blushed at the thought and prayed that it wasn't true.

"What?" I asked, feigning innocence.

"Nothing. You are just driving me crazy with wonder over there texting and smiling to yourself. I'm getting a bit lonely over here that's all."

I smirked. "Yeah right, you were totally trying to read my messages. Believe me, they're all about you."

I hoped my sarcasm would make him believe they weren't about him, but something told me that Edward could read me better than I thought he could. He just rolled his eyes and turned back to the road.

"I wouldn't doubt it," he added when I thought I had succeeded. "Not the first time a taken girl has been smitten with me," he smirked and flashed me the grin again. My jaw nearly hit the floor.

"I am NOT smitten with you. You are such a cocky little butt-head, you know that?" I said, more like huffed. I didn't like not winning arguments and I clearly was right. I knew he was teasing but I still wanted to win.

My phone buzzed and I went to read it, being more careful this time to slyly hide the words.

_Seems like you are a bit too concerned with making sure no one thinks you and Eddie are simply friends. Check yourself woman...;)_

Once again my jaw hit the floor and I quickly typed back a response after taking a peek at Edward. He seemed to have lost interest in trying to keep the teasing going when I started ignoring him with texts again.

_Rosalie Hale. I am not concerned at all. Jasper is the only one for me._

_Bella Swan. I know. I'm just teasing. :) Go talk to Edward. I am done texting for now._

I smiled, glad she understood. I loved that girl far too much. She was right though, I should stop ignoring Edward. He may as well have driven himself if he wanted silence.

We talked about more bands we liked and it turns out we had eerily similar tastes in music. I told him I learned all my taste from Riley and he told me that he had already discovered Riley's talent for finding music and that he had even had some things to show him, which impressed me. Someone who knows more music than Riley? Amazing.

Soon enough I got a call from Emmett saying he was starving and that the three hour drive was clearly way too long to wait without eating. They were pulling over for food and wanted us to join. We agreed and pulled off the exit, finding a fast food joint to go inside and eat at.

I jumped out of the car after Edward, eager to walk around a bit, even though we'd only been in the car for about 90 minutes. Em is ridiculous with his food intake.

Alice practically scared the shit out of me when I turned around and ran smack into her. She was bouncing on her heels in excitement and I knew it was all about Riley. As much as I loved her, I really wasn't in the mood to hear exactly what was said and done in their car interactions.

So she surprised me by asking me a question instead. "So did you and Edward have as easy a time talking in person as you seem to do on the phone so much?"

I hid my surprise well I think and jumped into an answer. "Yeah, we did actually. Got talking about music and I'm sure you know how we both are about that. Why didn't you tell me he was such a music buff?" I wondered aloud, more to myself than to her.

"Well I don't want you to go falling in love with my brother when you are with someone else. He's pretty much awesome and almost eerily similar to you, didn't wanna make him too appealing," she said in a super sarcastic voice.

I gave her a warning look. I knew she was sick of me blabbing about how cool her brother was. I couldn't help it though. I remember very clearly bragging about how awesome Alice was when I started becoming good friends with her as well, right?

We made our way inside after the others. The boys didn't even attempt finding a table before making their way to the line to order. I passed on the food and decided I would be the one to save us a table. I guess Alice had the same idea because she started in about Riley as I headed toward a long table in the back of the restaurant. I pretended to listen intently, but really I was thinking about how I hadn't spoken or even gotten a text from Jazz in three days. It was certainly taking it's toll on me but I was definitely finding things to keep my mind off of it for the most part. I mean, this was the first time all day I stopped to think about it.

Alice had stopped talking and looked kind of hurt, so I knew she had figured out I wasn't listening anymore. I shot her an 'I'm sorry' look right as Riley, Em and Rose joined us at the table. I looked around for Edward but didn't see him anywhere. He must have gone to the bathroom or something.

My cell started ringing on the table in front of me and I quickly grabbed it, my heart quenching. Yay, it was from Jasper!

"Hey guys, It's Jazz, I'm gonna go sit outside and take this," I said, smiling at everyone as I jumped up and went out the doors.

"Hey," I answered.

"Hey Bells. How's it going?"

"Pretty good. We are on our way back now from school. So glad summer's finally here," I said, hearing the excitement in my own voice. "How's work?"

"It's keeping me beyond busy. I just feel so terrible that I barely even have time to think about you let alone actually pick up the phone and call. I hate being such a shitty boyfriend," he said, sounding annoyed.

"Jazz, I'm not gonna lie and say that it isn't hard when I don't hear from you but it's only for a summer. I can learn to deal I'm sure it'll get easier..."

"No Bells, it won't. It'll keep getting worse. The summer's going to be way busier than now. I just don't know."

My stomach tightened. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean, I don't really know what I mean. I feel horrible that Iv'e barely had time to speak with you. I want to see you and speak to you, and when I finally get home and stuff after working at the museum all day I'm just so tired that I fall right to sleep without calling. I just want you to understand so that you don't think I'm abandoning you Bells. I miss you so much, and I keep wishing I could see your face," he said.

My heart swelled. He missed me as much as I missed him. Ah! My crazy assumptions that he was off falling in love with other girls while I was so far from him were clearly misjudged.

"Aw, Jazzy I miss you too. You should finally get a webcam so that we can skype. I know the others wanna see your face as well. I'm gonna buy you one and mail it to you since you don't seem to have any time at all for anything," I said.

"Bells, don't make me feel guilty. I will go out tomorrow and buy one. And if you want I will call you on the way to the store, since obviously I'll have time then to call you. And since you are clearly upset about me not calling more, I'll try and make more of an effort.

My heart sank. I didn't want him to be sacrificing for our relationship. He'd end up resenting me and feeling like our relationship was a burden or something. That's the last thing I wanted.

"No Jazz, we should just set up a time once a week to talk. I don't want to take up too much time, and it'll be hard not hearing from you except once a week, but I can handle it. I don't want you to resent me for getting angry about something as stupid as not hearing from you everyday," I said sincerley.

"Are you sure Bella? I mean, like I said, I want to be talking to you all the time. Well, I will definitely at least text you every night before bed, if not call you every night alright? God Bells, I miss you so much. Miss your touch, miss kissing you, and not to mention.." he started but I cut him off.

I am really still kind of shy when it comes to sexual stuff. I just don't like talking about it out loud because I get super embarrassed and its just not good.

He laughed and teased me because he knew I was uncomfortable now. "Bells, now that I think about it, skype would be an amazing thing for us. Long distance relationships can still have their intimacy," he said, biting back his laughter, I could tell.

"Shut up Jasper," I said, blushing madly even though he wasn't there. I knew he knew that I knew he was teasing me.

"Alright Bells, well I will call you later girly. Miss you like mad and love you even more."

"Bye Jazzy," I said, hanging up and going inside to my laughing, goofy friends.

A/N: Thanks for reading, please review to let me know what you are thinking of the story.


	3. The perfect sky is torn

A/N: I don't own Twilight. Thanks to those who read. Review?

BPOV

Emmett was in the middle of a contest with Riley and Edward when I sat back down at the table. The contest was to see who could finish their milkshake the fastest, dealing with brain freeze and all. I rolled my eyes but watched with amusement as Emmett started pounding the table with one hand and squeezing the side of his head with the other as his lips continued to suck up the chocolaty treat faster than the other two boys. I swear, they are not in college, more like middle school.

Riley looked the most calm, taking intervals between sips so as not to get brain freeze. I looked to Edward and instantly snorted out my soda that I had in my mouth. He looked like he was crying but he was sucking down the shake so hard that it looked like Emmett actually might lose this one. He stopped though when my soda went all over him seeing as he was seated right across from me. Emmett finished his last sip and slammed down the shake and whooped in victory.

I looked sheepishly at Edward, knowing I had caused him to lose by laughing at him. He just looked at me and grinned as he wiped soda off his face. I was surprised he wasn't repulsed by it, I would be.

"Thanks Bells, you came in and saved me right at the end," Emmett said, reaching across for a hand bump. I ignored his hand.

"It wasn't intentional Em, believe me. But did you guys see his face? He looked like he was giving birth or something equally as painful," I said through fits of laughter. The whole table joined in with me, including Edward.

Soon enough everyone was back in their conversations they had been having previously. The boys were talking about stupid shit and Rose and Alice were engrossed in some discussion about the newest nail polish shade or something just as mind numbing. I just sat and tried to let my conversation sink in.

Jazz and I were going to be fine, so I really needed to stop freaking out about our relationship or it might actually go bad. It was just going to take time to realize that even though we were far apart, he still loved me and thought of me just like I loved and thought of him.

I felt someone nudge my foot under the table and looked at Edward since he was seated across from me and seemed the most likely culprit.

He was looking at me and when I looked back, he raised his eyebrows in question. So he had noticed my lack of attention to the rest of the group and probably knew something was bothering me.

"What's got you looking so deep in thought over there Bella?" he questioned. He said it pretty softly so I was surprised when first Alice and then Riley both chimed in asking the same question.

"Yeah Bella. Did something happen when you talked to Jasper a minute ago?" Alice asked.

I blushed and looked back at Edward. After hearing Jasper's name mentioned from Alice, he instantly looked worried.

"Um, yeah actually. Something happened. Me freaking out over nothing, that's what. I'm sure you all know I've been stressing out and worrying about our relationship possibly going downhill because of the distance, but we talked it out and everything is just fine. Just me being a worrywort as usual," I said with a sigh and a roll of my eyes.

"I know Jazz like a brother and I get where he is coming from," Emmet said. "He wants to really be able to concentrate on this internship because it's pretty much his future. He loves you, you know that Bells. We all know that. He just wants to focus on his internship right now, and not have the relationship go down in flames because he can't give it the attention he needs to."

I let his words sink in, and it helped me even more to know that I needed to stop worrying. "I know he loves me."

I looked at Edward who still hadn't said a word. He was looking down at the table though and looked lost in thought and kind of moody. Hmm, wonder what that's about.

Glad that my friends apart from Edward seemed to think that everything in my world was just fine and dandy, I felt a huge pressure release from my shoulders. My phone buzzed and I looked at it and saw it was from Alice. I rolled my eyes at her but she was facing Rose and pretended not to see.

_Hey, I'm riding with you guys now. I want some girl talk with ya.-tink_

I giggled slightly at her text signature. She used her nickname tink at the end of all her texts to me as a joke.I wrote back real fast.

_Okie dokie but please don't ask me a million questions about my conversation with Jasper because I dont wanna talk about it. What more could you ask anyways?-B_

_Oh, I can think of lots of things to ask you. you don't mind if I ask you these questions in front of your new bff Eddie boy do ya?.-tink_

I blushed and snuck a peek at Edward. He of course happened to be glancing at me but quickly looked away when our eyes met. Once again I was filled with wonder. It was still a mystery to me as to what he was really thinking and feeling all the time. I felt like I was always on the edge of figuring him out and then he got all mysterious again. So unlike Alice who was an open book. My phone buzzed again.

_HAHA.-tink_

_what are you lauging at tinkerbell? i always blush. get over it. i guess i dont mind 'eddie boy' hearing our convo. not like he wouldn't try to get it out of me later anyways-B_

_u 2 have a weird friendship that i dont quite understand. not going to try to...-tink_

I chose not to respond to that, but heard my phone buzz again and looked at it wondering what else she could add to that. It was Edward though.

_you know, you two could just speak aloud. you are sitting right next to each other-E_

I looked at him with a smirk and he smiled that crooked smile at me. I kicked Rose under the table and tilted my head at him slyly. She didn't catch on though and just gave me a nasty look for kicking her.

"I don't think you want us saying this stuff aloud Edward," Alice said. I guess she had received the same text from him. I laughed at her and moved to get up from the table. Everyone was throwing thier food away and getting ready to get back on the road.

Edward looked between the two of us suspiciously. "What are you up to tink?" he asked.

I looked up at him in surprise after hearing him call her tink. Guess I wasn't the only one who called her that. Alice looked and me and smirked when she noticed my revelation. "Yeah, my dear brother calls me that too Bells. Interesting, huh?" she said. She had a look on her face that I didn't even want to try to understand.

"You call her tink too?" Edward asked me, coming up beside me as I walked outside.

"Yeah, it just happened one night when we were drinking and it stuck. I always wondered why she thought it was so funny when I first called her that."

"I see. So I'm guessing Al's riding with us now?"

"Yep. Sorry, girl talk is imminent."

He was about to say something when we were rudely interrupted.

"So, Bella you are practically single all summer since your boy's not gonna be around," Emmett yelled at the top of his lungs.

I rolled my eyes and smacked him as he ran past Edward and I. "Em that is so not true."

"Pretty much is."

"Well, us being apart doesn't mean we aren't committed to each other anymore. It's not like Jasper's gonna go and bang chicks this summer, and I certainly don't plan to. He's your best friend why are you encouraging me to cheat on him anways?"

"Aw, what a shame," Edward said, hip checking me.

I blushed and looked at him, wondering what he meant.

"Yeah, what a shame you aren't going to be banging chicks. I would have liked to see that," he added. I punched him in the chest and he doubled over laughing harder. Em and Riley of course joined in and soon everyone was laughing at me. I should have known not to say something as stupid as that with the immature boys I call friends.

"Oh, well I meant I won't be banging other dudes, but girls are always an option for me. Ally's single..." I trailed off suggestively.

Alice bounced over to me and full on kissed me on the lips, shocking the hell out of me and creating whoops from all the boys except for Edward. He looked kind of amazed and then grossed out at the fact that he was amazed because it was his sister. I laughed at his expression and when Alice saw she giggled too.

"Oh Eddie, you're so easy," she said.

"Don't call me that. Ever."

"What, you don't like being called Eddie," I asked mischievously.

He turned to me dead serious. "No. I really don't."

I gave him a quizzical look and turned back to Alice, confused by his seriousness.

"Tanya used to call him Eddie as a pet name," she whispered.

"Oh," I muttered, instantly feeling bad.

"Oh, it's not that big of a deal. He's a big boy. I think he's pretty much 100% over that skank, thank god."

"Come on you two lesbos. Get in the car," Edward called out moodily from his seat in the volvo.

Alice and I, giggling the entire way, made it to Edward's car.

Alice got in the front seat but I was kind of happy about that because maybe now I could escape her constant questioning.

At first it was kind of quiet for me as Edward guided us back to the highway, but as soon as she got settled in Alice started yammering.

"Edward, why do we have to listen to this depressing ass music," she whined as he put on death cab for cutie. I saw him look in the rear view mirror at me and smirk, knowing he was thinking about how awesome it was that we liked the same music.

I smiled at him and rolled my eyes, and he smirked back. Alice caught our secret exchange immediately and turned around and started attacking me.

"So tell me about Jazz. I feel like I barely know him," she said, surprising me. I was expecting her to ask me more about how I was feeling which I definitely didn't wanna talk about.

"Um, what do you want to know?"

"Anything you want to tell me."

"Well, we met when he first came to Forks. We were sophomores. He instantly seemed to become friends with our group, at first with Emmett. They were inseparable. Then Riley too, which of course caused him to get close to all of us."

"Did you have a crush on him right away?" she cut me off.

I blushed and happened to look up and see Edward looking at me. He again looked away when I saw him though, and I felt exposed answering this question in front of him for some reason. We had only discussed negatives about our relationship, never the positive and it was kind of weird talking about it to him now.

"Well, not immediately. I thought he was cute, in that southern charm sort of way, but I wasn't interested til I got to know him of course. Anyways, he played football with Em. He's always been really into history and stuff like that. I can't really relate to that but it's cool he's so passionate about something. I'm not really passionate about anything, so it's an admirable trait to me."

"That's not true, you are passionate about music," Edward said. Alice looked at him curiously, but didn't say anything.

"That's true I guess. I can't really do anything with that passion though like he can with history. Or you Edward, you can sing amazingly. You both could actually do something with your passions and I respect that."

He just kept looking at the road and when he didn't respond Alice begged me for more details. Ugh, this was so awkward for me. I hated talking about myself. I mean, I know I wasn't really talking about myself but Jazz was almost like an extension of me.

"Fine, um. He has a pretty sarcastic sense of humor. His favorite movies are Wes Anderson films, so you can imagine his dry humor. Uh. I don't know what else I can say about him. It's hard to describe a person."

"What about his music taste," Alice cut in again. I looked at Edward at this, knowing he would judge Jasper on this and saw him looking at me expectantly.

"Well, he likes pretty much what I like, but then he also likes stuff like you like Al."

I heard Edward snort, and rolled my eyes.

"Okay, okay. Enough about Jasper and I. I don't want to think about him at all. In fact I wish I had a button in my brain that would shut out thoughts of him until I saw him again at the end of this summer," I blurted out, speaking these thoughts before I even knew I felt them.

"I get it," Alice said, patting my hand.

I don't think she could possibly understand, but I just nodded at her, grateful for the sympathy. Yeah, shoot me. I'm in a pity partying mood.

"So, party at the Cullen's tonight. Bella you are spending the night of course," Alice said, effectively changing the mood.

"Yeah, I'll stay because Rose is and she's leaving tomorrow..."

Alice decided to leave me in peace for the remainder of the car ride, I guess seeing on my face that I needed to just be semi alone in the back seat to really think.

Before I knew it, we were pulling into my driveway. Edward and Alice helped me carry my boxes up to my room and met Charlie. He loved Alice almost instantaneously upon meeting her. Being a dad, he was also instantly skeptical about Edward, whom he assumed had ulterior motives with his daughter, but we all assured him that he was Alice's twin and just a friend and he calmed down besides the occasional sideways glance he shot him. I said my goodbyes and promised to drive over in a couple hours after getting unpacked.

Really, I just sat on my bed lost in thought, not unpacking anything. I only snapped out of it when I got a text screaming at me about my whereabouts. I had been sitting here for almost three hours and it was almost 7pm when I finally pulled up to the Cullen's.

I was excited to see Esme again, feeling that she was practically my mother anyways seeing as how I rarely saw my mother. I slowly made my way towards the front door, and nearly had a heart attack when I casually looked over to my left and saw a figure sitting on the porch in the dark.

My heart calmed down though when I realized it was Edward. "What are you doing out here?" I wondered aloud.

"Honestly? I was waiting for you. I was hoping that we could talk before we escaped into Alice's crazy hoopla of plans for tonight."

"Sure. What's up?" I asked as I went to sit by him. Though I clearly knew he wanted to discuss the phone call with Jasper. Why though? I had assured everyone that all was well. I guess he could tell it still bothered me.

"You already know. Tell me what you are really thinking about Jasper."

He was studying my face closely, trying to figure out what I wasn't going to say.

I thought about it and decided to just let loose my thoughts. I didn't want to share this with Alice because I felt she would just try to rationalize everything I was thinking by saying that he loves me and it will all work out if it's meant to and blah blah blah. Alice is definitely not a pessimist. Edward will tell me how it really is from a guy's perspective.

"Well, I'm happy that he acknowledged the fact that I was upset about him not contacting me more and we talked about how we can fix things in our relationship, but I don't want a relationship that needs to be fixed. I want something that just works without so much effort and tears. And I'm mad at myself for even thinking all these things. Like I'm actually considering that this relationship won't work at all even at the end of summer when we get to be together again." I felt my tears stinging my eyes before I felt them silently sneak down my cheek.

He reached out and patted my hand, which was sitting on the bench between us. He seemed to somehow know that I didn't want a response from him so we sat in amiable silence until my tears cleared and I slowly turned to look at him.

"Bella, I know that you are hurting, I get it. It's hard to determine if something is worth the pain it takes to keep it going. It's the only relationship you've had. Your first love. It's really hard to even comprehend that you might not end up with him in the end. That's how I felt too. I get it, but I've realized lately that your first love isn't necessarily your only love, maybe and probably not even your best love story of your life. Things will get better, whether you end with Jasper still or you end up meeting or falling in love with someone that makes you happier than you've ever been in your life. All I know is that you deserve happiness, not the sad state I've seen you in since meeting you."

I looked at him as his words sank in, and everything he said made perfect sense and made me feel a million times better. How did he always know exactly what to say to make my anxieties and worrys instantly fade? He was right, in the end, either I'll happily be together with Riley still, my first love, or I'll be happily with someone else. Maybe I don't even know the true meaning of happiness yet.

"Thanks Edward, I completely agree with what you said. I know I'll be happy eventually whatever happens." I smiled at him happily and he gently swiped the tears from my cheeks that were drying up. Whoever ends up with this guy is an incredibly lucky chick.

Edward opened the door for me and we made our way inside.

"Do I look like I was crying?" I asked, not wanting to rehash all my shit with the rest of my friends at the moment. I just wanted to have a great time with my best friends.

"Nope, you look good."

My stomach did a little nervous flip when he smiled his crooked grin down at me.

I heard someone bound down the hall and throw their arms around me, lifting me in the air. I screamed and looked over Emmett's shoulders as he carried me from the hall to the living room where the rest of the group was. Edward just allowed me to be swept away, watching with amusement. The traitor.

Em threw me down on the couch on top of a giggling Rosalie. We fell back into the cushions laughing and she started tickling me, sending me into a battle between trying to laugh and breath. When we finally stopped we looked up to see Em and Edward looking at us with wide eyes.

"That was the hottest thing ever," Emmett said. I rolled my eyes while Rose threw a pillow at his head. He was clearly still in a daze because it hit him right in the face.

That is when I noticed Alice sitting on a couch with Riley desperately close to her. My eyes popped out of my head but she shot me a look to not say anything about it. I smiled at her and let it go.

" Karaoke!" Alice blurted out.

"YES!" Emmett yelled, predictable as always. Edward laughed at Em's excitement but I could see a sort of excited gleam of his own sparkling in his eyes. I looked at him curiously, not having any idea that Edward liked singing besides just singing along to songs in the car. I guess I was right when I said I barely know him.

"Do you sing Riley?" Alice asked him shyly.

Riley blushed slightly, but I knew he was being modest. He enjoyed singing karaoke and he was pretty dang good at it.

"Yes I do," he replied, causing Alice to blush herself. I still couldn't get over the fact that someone had the ability to cause rambunctious Alice to blush.

"Well good, I hope you are good because I need someone to cover up my horrible voice when I sing. You'll sing with me?" she asked him. He looked at her like she was the greatest thing ever and my heart actually hurt. I miss being looked at like that. Jazz used to look at me like that when we were hanging out all the time, but it's been so long.

Edward plopped down next to me on the side Rose wasn't taking up. "You sing Bella?" he asked.

Rose snorted. "If you can convince her to go up there, Bella probably has the best voice out of all of us. That's saying something too because Riley kicks ass and I'm pretty good too," she said.

I blushed deeply when Edward turned to study me. "Oh, well I think I can convince her to get up there," he said, turning on his full lady killer charm. Not like he knew he was doing it, but it worked anyways.

"One song. That's it. I hate singing in front of people," I said.

"Alright, maybe you'll decide to do more once we get a few margaritas in your system," Rose said, giggling. That's when I noticed her empty glass at her feet and the slight pink on the apples of her cheeks.

I should have known. Tequila was Rose and I's best friend. We have had some great memories with margaritas and I can't say I wasn't excited to possibly add another great night to that list tonight.

I turned to Rose with a huge grin on my face. "Remember the night with the cat...?" I asked, laughing before I had even finished asking the question. She broke into fits of laughter as well.

"Yeah, and the night you messed up with the cheese and the microwave.." she said between giggles.

We were both in hysterics remembering our stupidest moments with tequila. When we settled down everyone was looking at us with amusement.

"Don't ask.." I said.

"Why would I possibly want to know about what you two did to some poor cat?" Edward asked jokingly.

I glared at him and his sarcasm. "For the record, no cats were harmed in the adventures of Bella and Rose on tequila."

That sent Rose into another fit of giggles and I decided it was about damn time someone got herself one of those margaritas.

I jumped up and pulled her with me into the kitchen, knowing Alice wouldn't dare want to leave her lover's perch next to dear Riley.

While I was pouring myself a glass from the premade pitcher, I heard the music start and Em's voice start singing "I want it that way" by the Backstreet Boys. Rose started cracking up and I nearly spilled my drink. I was too used to his antics though to actually risk spilling it.

Rose helped herself after I was done, but I could tell she was even tipsier than I thought because she sloshed quite a bit onto the counter.

"Rose, careful," I warned her. She shot me a goofy grin and ran into the other room. I looked around for something to wipe up the counter, not wanting Esme to have to clean up after us. Where were Alice's parents anyways? Did they not care that we were drinking and stuff right downstairs if they were home? They must not be home.

I found some paper towels and wet them before cleaning up the mess and making my way back into the living room.

I found Riley singing his go-to song that he used to impress people with. It was The Doors "People are Strange". He is such a freaking hottie when he gets Jim Morrison-like. I can tell Alice is fully agreeing with me.

Rose and Emmett were getting a bit handsy on the seat that I had previously shared with her and Edward. I smirked at Edward who looked incredibly uncomfortable sitting that close to them. He caught my eye and rolled his eyes at the two of them, and I smiled back in sympathy.

The song ended and I cat called and cheered for Riley, who even earned a hug from Alice. She certainly had decided to drop the shy act. I noticed she had an empty glass as well. Us girls and tequila!

I decided to play catch up and quickly chugged down the remainder of my glass, which had previously been practically full.

Feeling a buzz in my head almost instantaneously, I started feeling awkward standing while everyone else was sitting. There were no other seats available though, so I decided to go refill my drink.

I poured another and was about to walk back in when I heard Riley say my name over the mic.

"Bella-boo. Where are you? It's your turn!" he said.

My stomach instantly flared with nerves and I decided to chug half the margarita before returning. This may not be a good idea to be drinking so fast, but I was nervous for some reason. I had sung a million times in front of Rose, Em and Riley. I guess it was Ally and Edward who were freaking me out. Well, not Alice because she wouldn't care and would love me even if I sucked. For some reason I felt like I had to impress Edward, make him think I was good at something. Make him see I was worthy of being his friend, not just the girl who he talks to about failed relationships...

With my cheeks feeling warm and a good buzz in my brain, I walked with some sort of confidence into the room. Everyone looked at me and Rose giggled at me, pinching her cheeks to emphasize to me how red my own were. This just made me blush further, but I ignored her and tried really hard not to look at the one person making me nervous. I could feel him looking at me though, so my brain of course made my eyes turn to him. He was smiling at me and giving me looks of encouragement, so I decided to get over these nerves and just go with it.

I went over to the computer to pick a song. I picked the first song that stood out to me and it seemed to fit my mood today...

I started singing "Torn", by Natalie Imbruglia, and didn't look at anyone until I was done. Rose and Alice instantly cheered for me, as did Emmett.

"Go Bella!" Jasper hollered. I blushed and went to find a seat, back on the couch by Edward.

He elbowed me and I looked at him in question. He looked in shock.

"Bella, I had no idea you could sing. That was fantastic!" he exclaimed. I waved him off.

"Told ya she could sing," Rose said.

Edward was up next and he looked at me mischievously before getting up. I wondered breifly what he was up to but my attention was taken by Rose grabbing me and "whispering" not so quietly that she 'totally sees what I mean about Edward's smile'.

I elbowed her really hard, to which she yelled loudly that 'that hurt you bitch'. I ignored her and looked at Edward to see if he had heard. I really don't see how he couldn't have. He was looking directly at me with a huge smirk on his face. I quickly looked away acting like I was really busy licking some salt off of my drink.

"Ok, this song goes out to all you ladies out there tonight," Edward said with a little smirk. I saw the smirk becuase I of course looked back up at him as soon as he started speaking. The smirk was directed at me.

Then he starts singing "Let's get it on" by Marvin Gaye and everyone but me cracks up. I don't because he's looking at me still with that sarcastic little smirk on his face that I really want to wipe off. He's teasing me, and I hate being teased. I decide not to let him win and make myself giggle and fall into Rose's side acting like I think its hilarious. Because it is hilarious really, I just don't want to be made fun of...

I chug the remainder of my second drink and soon forget all about my embarrassment as I laugh and joke along with the rest of my friends. Edward finishes his song and when he comes and sits back down next to me, he doesn't say a word about hearing what Rose said. I know I didn't get away with him not hearing, but for some reason he is just letting it go. Guess the song was teasing enough for one night.

Next thing I know, I'm being carried by someone up to a bed. I recognize the person sort of, it's their scent maybe? I'm not really sure. I can't place it exactly. I don't let myself think about it too much, because as soon as they lay me down and pull the covers up to my shoulders, I drift off immediately.

"Thank you stranger," I murmur, not even knowing if it was loud enough to be heard or not.

"Goodnight Bella," someone said in response. Funny, I really can't even tell if it was a girl or boy.

And then my world drifted away into dreams.


	4. Tied together with a Smile

Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty

Is the face in the mirror looking back at you

You walk around here thinking you're not pretty

But that's not true, cause I know you...

Hold on, baby, you're losing it

The water's high, you're jumping into it

And letting go... and no one knows

That you cry, but you don't tell anyone

That you might not be the golden one

And you're tied together with a smile

But you're coming undone

-Tied Together with a Smile, Taylor Swift

BPOV

When I woke up the next day, it took me a moment to get my bearings. Where am I? Looks like I'm in the Cullen's guest bedroom where I have stayed every time I come home with Alice. The real question is how did I get here? Then it all starts flashing back to me. Karaoke. Tequila. Edward's amazing voice. More tequila. Rose embarrassing me in front of Edward. More tequila. And the part that I don't remember. Ending up in bed here. More like being carried here because I remember being in someone's arms and feeling very comfortable. Probably Emmett, he's so strong he could easily carry me.

_"Goodnight Bella," he said as he tucked the blanket up around me._

I suddenly remembered this and sat straight up in bed. Someone carried me up here and tucked me in, and it wasn't Emmett, and no it wasn't Riley. Edward? He was so sweet, carrying my drunk butt up here like that. I'd have to thank him for that. To him I must be so pathetic. A girl he barely knows that counts on him entirely too much. I mean, crying in front of him at the beginning of the night and then ending up too drunk to walk myself up to bed. Did I ask him to carry me? How utterly embarrassing.

I'd have to ask Alice that. I made my way into the bathroom that was part of the bedroom, grateful that I didn't have to walk down the hall when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Raccoon eyes from the eyeliner I had applied the night before and my hair looks like a haystack piled in different directions on my head.

I grimaced and quickly turned the shower on, praying the water would get hot, and fast.

I scrubbed off the last reminders of tequila and hoped that my pounding head would disappear after I ate some breakfast. I got out and dried myself and went to the room to get dressed.

Shit, I forgot I have nothing to wear and really don't want to wear the clothes from last night. I picked up my shirt and sniffed it and my suspicions were right, it stunk of alcohol and sweat.

I picked up my phone and tried to call Alice to see if she could bring me some clothes. After I got her voicemail I decided that I should just walk the couple feet across the hall to her room and ask her.

I peeked my head out the door and looked back and forth a couple times and there was no sign of life. I figured everyone was still asleep. Where are Esme and Carlisle at, I wondered. They weren't here last night and I still don't see them around. I'd have to ask Alice that as well. I tiptoed across the hall as fast as I could and knocked on Alice's door. She didn't answer right away and I started to feel really self conscious standing here with nothing on but a towel. That's exactly when I heard a door open and no, it wasn't the door I was knocking on. Of course not.

My stomach dropped and I quickly looked to my left where I had heard someone walking towards me and tried to figure out if I had time to either dash into Alice's room or back to mine. But of course that wasn't possible. Instead I found myself burning from head to toe as a very shirtless, and might I add, sexily disheveled Edward stopped in front of me. He was looking at my feet and made his way up to my face, causing me to blush further. What the hell, did he just check me out? Of course he did, not because he wanted to but because here I am standing mostly naked in front of him, not really giving him much of a choice.

Now we are just staring at each other, him with an amused look and his eyebrows raised. I looked down and decided that was a bad idea because I almost dazed out when I saw his perfect chest that was right in my eye line. Oh my gosh, he is wearing those sweat pants slung so low. I can see the lines ofhis hips and they looked very yummy. I shook my head and forced myself to speak, praying that it wasn't obvious that I had just totally been sort of checking him out. I mean, it's not my fault he looks like a freaking movie star.

"Hey Edward. Well, this is kinda awkward. I was just trying to get some clothes from Alice but she doesn't seem to want to answer her door," I managed, turning away from him and knocking very loudly once again and avoiding looking at him. I don't think I've felt this awkward in I don't even know how long, which is amazing because I feel awkward on a daily basis.

I heard him chuckle at me, obviously reading my discomfort. I glared at him.

"Bella Bella Bella, what a nice way to wake up. Half naked gorgeous girl in my hallway is the first thing I see," he said, grabbing my hand giving it a small squeeze. "Don't be so embarrassed. It is cute though, seeing your little cheeks get so red. I'm glad I have that effect on you."

My mouth almost dropped open at that comment but I forced it to stay in position. I couldn't let him think he beat me. "For your information, I'd feel this embarrassed if any guy I barely knew saw me like this, certainly not just you," I huffed. Wait, did he call me gorgeous? Just his attempts at making me feel more uncomfortable.

He smirked at me, and right then Alice chose to open her door. My hand was still in Edward's grasp and he was smirking at me and I was blushing like mad. This is what she saw, and I can't even imagine what she was thinking. Her face isn't telling me much. She is just staring at our conjoined hands, and I glared at Edward hoping he'd get that that meant to drop my hand already. This was just getting more awkward.

He seemed to get it because he winked and then just turned to his sister, winked at her too and sauntered off down the hall and down the stairs. Leaving me alone with his sister.

"See you ladies at breakfast," he called out. I rolled my eyes and turned to give Alice an extreme death glare for putting me in this situation by not answering her door for like, forever.

"What the hell are you doing in my hallway naked and holding hands with my brother," she asked, staring at me like I had three heads.

I sighed and pushed her into her room and slammed the door shut after me. "Why the hell didn't you answer your door for so long?" I fumed.

"I was in the bathroom, I didn't hear you knock the first time. The second time I did and was about to answer when I heard you guys talking out there. I'm not even going to lie. I was eavesdropping. I heard Edward say something about half naked gorgeous girl and figured out what must have happened. I wanted to hear what was going on because it was amusing me. You two are intriguing to me." And with that she just went over to her dresser and started pulling out her clothes for the day.

"What the hell. You left me hanging out there on purpose? Just so you could hear me being all awkward and laugh at me basically?" I yelled at her. I pushed her out of the way and grabbed some clothes from her dresser and was almost to the door when she spoke again.

"Bella, don't be mad. I opened the door pretty soon after that," she said, giving me the sad Alice face because she knew I couldn't ever stay mad at people, especially her when she apologized like that.

I glared at her again and then sighed, walking over and sitting on her bed. "I'll get you back for that one woman."

She smiled happily at me and walked over, stealing the clothes out of my hands and walking over to, I'm sure, pick out something that she approved of for me to wear.

"So, Edward thinks you're gorgeous, huh?" she said with laughter in her voice.

I blushed instantly and was furious at this, because it made it seem to Alice that I liked that he thought that. Which he didn't even, he was only teasing me.

She of course was studying my face intently and smiled slightly at my blush but didn't say anything. That's Alice for you. Meddling Alice. I don't even know what she planned to do with her supposed assessment of my blush. I didn't really want to know.

"He was just teasing me, obviously seeing how embarrassed I was and trying to make me more so."

"Yeah, he likes to tease pretty girls like you," she said.

"So he's a flirt, huh?"

"Oh yeah, Edward is very charming with the ladies, and he definitely knows it. He has no shortage of girls to choose from. I am happy to say though that he chooses them very wisely with the one exception of Tanya. He must have seen something in her though, because he doesn't just date stupid supermodel skanks."

"Well that's good for him I guess."

"Yep, he has good taste in women. So what's on your agenda for the day?"

"Well, I gotta go home and talk to Charlie. By the way, where are your parents?"

"Oh, they're out of town for this week and next. Dad had a medical conference that he is speaking at tomorrow night in New York so mom went along and they're staying an extra week just to sight-see and whatnot. Pretty cool huh? We can hang out here a lot since they'll be gone. Not that they'd care much anyways if we drank. They don't care as long as we don't try to drive and stuff after."

"Yeah, that's pretty cool. I should ask Charlie if I can stay here with you, just to keep you company," I suggested. I had to admit that I was hesitant to move back in with Charlie after being on my own at school and everything. I still craved the freedom of not having parental units around to answer to. Plus it would be awesome to stay here in this big house and hang out with Alice and Edward.

She looked at me super excited like, and screeched, collapsing into me on the bed. "Oh Bella! I hope that he lets you. Tell him Edward's not going to be here and I'll be all alone in this big house and I'm sure he'll say yes. Riley can come over all the time and the four of us can all chill,"

I elbowed her knowingly and nodded my agreement. I grabbed the clothes she gave me and decided to put them on in her bedroom rather than risking another moment in the hall.

After getting dressed I walked back into Alice's bedroom, my stomach growling with hunger. "Ugh, I'm starving. Let's go eat." She agreed and we started making the way downstairs. I smelled something yummy wafting from the kitchen and turned surprised to Alice.

She smiled at me and nodded. "Yep, Edward likes to cook breakfast. He's a morning person like me," she said. Hmm, interesting. Not many guys I know like to wake up early, let alone like to cook.

"So, when did everyone leave last night. By the way, how pathetic is it that I had to be carried up to bed?" I was hoping she would fill in the details on how I made it up there without me having to say that I remembered.

She giggled at me, looking at me curiously. "Well, Rose and Em left at around one, and then it was just us four. You kept singing songs and were really drunk. You even sang a duet with Edward. You were like, begging him to sing it with you and he finally gave in. Right after that you asked him to carry you to bed because you could barely even stand any longer. It was quite amusing I have to say."

I blushed and started feeling really stupid. I fucking sang a fucking duet with him? What the fuck? And I really did ask him to carry me. I'm such a fucking princess when I drink.

"Oh god, what did I sing? I'm so embarrassed. I asked him to carry me? Kill me now."

"Oh Bella, he didn't mind. He thought you were endearing, I could tell. You sang 'Whiskey Lullaby'." She stopped talking and started laughing at this point, so I knew it would only get worse. I mean, did I really pick that song? I hate country music. I only like it when I get drunk, like last night. No offense to those who like it, but I just don't. "You kept saying that you thought you could sing pretty similar to Alison Krauss."

"Seriously? I didn't really do that?" I begged.

"Um, seriously, you did. Ask Edward."

"Ask me what?" he asked, as we made our way to the kitchen table. As soon as I looked at him I blushed, from the memory of the hallway and the recent memory of what I must have looked like to him last night. Ugh, why do I even care, it's just Edward.

"She doesn't believe that she sang 'Whiskey Lullaby' with you last night," Alice filled him in while I tried to ignore them both. I sunk down into a chair and hid my face behind my long hair.

I heard him laugh loudly and wished the floor would open up and swallow me. Could today get any more embarrassing for me?

"Bella, you were actually really great at that song. You were right, your voice is pretty close to Alison Krauss."

I searched his tone for a sign of sarcasm, but I didn't find any. I looked up at him and he seemed pretty genuine so I trusted that he wasn't teasing me again. He smirked at me and I threw the spoon that was sitting next to me at his head, glaring at him the whole time.

He easily dodged it and walked calmly over to me, looking way too serious so I knew he was up to something. I looked to Alice for help, but she just rolled her eyes at me and walked over to the cabinet to get something to eat. I looked back just in time to see Edward lifting the spoon out of whatever batter he had in a mixing bowl in his hand. His eyes were gleaming and I knew what was coming next. He was about a foot from me when he flung batter off the spoon and it hit me right in the face, covering my right cheek and dripping down onto the floor.

I stared at him in shock for a few seconds before I launched myself at him and began wrestling the bowl from him. He saw me coming though and rather than me grabbing it straight away, made me reach around him in my attempts. With both my arms around him trying to reach the bowl, he somehow managed to lock me in one arm and put his fingers in the batter to smear more on me all at the same time. I shrieked at him and swatted his hands away from my face. How did I just notice that Edward is holding me in his arms and he is still shirtless. That means that I'm against his beautiful bare chest. My heart started pounding and I really hope he can't hear that. It's so loud though. He let me go and I decided to give up. I am too weak and easily distracted my cute shirtless boys.

I stepped away and surveyed the damage. Nothing in my hair, just covering half my face. I looked up to see Edward once again with that evil smirk on his face and once again found myself glaring at him. "Jerk."

He laughed and went back to cooking what turned out to be pancakes.

"Shit, I burned this batch. It's all your fault Bella."

Alice snorted. "Yeah right Edward. You should have stopped flirting with her and paid more attention to what you are doing."

I blushed but hid it in time to make sure no one saw. I didn't want to risk looking to see if Edward was embarrassed by Alice's comment and didn't hear a response from him.

Alice sat down at the table next to me and started talking to me like the whole incident hadn't just happened as I tried to wipe the goo off my face. "So Rose and Em said they were going to stop by this morning before they head off to the airport. Riley is coming too. I was hoping we could go for a swim or something if you guys are down for that?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. I need to go home in between the departure of Rose and Em and the swimming though to talk about staying here with Charlie and get stuff if he says yes though. You'll come with me? I think he'll say yes if you are there."

"Of course I'll come with you?"

"Mmm that looks so good, thanks for cooking for us Edward," I said, stealing a few off the top and digging right in.

"No prob. So what's all this about staying here?"

"Well, Bella wants to stay here until mom and dad get back, and of course I want her to stay here as well."

"Cool. So it was nice walking in and seeing you and Riley last night.." Edward said.

"You saw us making out? Ugh, how embarrassing. Well, at least that isn't as embarrassing as that time I walked in on you and Tanya..." Alice said, grimacing.

Edward blushed like nothing I'd ever seen and I laughed out loud at his expression.

"Shut up Bella, need I bring up some more of your shining moments from last night?" Edward said, effectively shutting me up. Oh god, I have more moments?

"Alice, were you not going to tell your best friend in the whole world that you and Riley made out?"

"Ugh, I was going to tell you okay. I just wanted to relish in the memory privately for a while."

"Okay, well, AWESOME! I hope this means you guys will end up together!"

"Gosh, is this going to be girl talk now?" Edward complained.

Okay Edward, enough girl talk. So, what's new with you?" Alice asked

I turned as well to him, curious to hear more about his life seeing as he seemed to know so much about me and all I knew was that he had a shitty ex girlfriend named Tanya that fucked with his heart.

"Well, I decided to play at Picasso's next Wednesday. It's been so long, and I've been working on a few songs I'd like to share with some people." He glanced at me for a second and looked away almost as quickly.

"You play in public? I had no idea. How exciting, I can't wait to see you. I seriously love your voice. You get paid to play?" I asked.

"Um, yeah. This will just be their open mic night, but they've paid me to play before. It has been a while. Haven't exactly felt up to playing these past few months. You know," he said almost shyly. That was different. He wasn't shy usually, always full of silent confidence.

"Yeah, he's really good Bells. We are definitely going to have to go check that out."

Just then I heard the door open and Rose yell loudly that they were here and to hurry our butts up if we didn't want to miss them.

"We are late bitches," she yelled. I practically ran down the hall and leaped into her arms. She smiled at me and hugged me tightly.

"Oh Rose, I'm going to miss your butt so much," I said. "I already miss your mouth."

"I know Bella. I'll barely be able to call you either. My stupid cell plan doesn't get service over there and I know my tight ass aunt isn't going to let me make a bunch of international calls. I'll try for once a week, if that." I pouted at her and pulled her in for another hug then let her move to say goodbye to Al and Edward.

I was swept into a hug by my Emmett bear and squeezed too tightly, just like usual.

"Oh Em, miss you already, make sure you let Rose give you the phone when she calls me."

"I will little sis. Don't have too much fun with your lonliness this summer. Try and remember our Jazzy boy."

"Thanks for reminding me jackass," I hissed, feeling a tug on my heart at his comment.

Everyone had their goodbyes and then they were on their way as quick as they came.

I grabbed my purse and decided it was time to go and get this over with with Charlie.

Alice follwed me outside, calling goodbye to Edward.

The ride was quick and we found Charlie in the front yard, looking like he was heading out on a fishing trip by the way he was carrying his poles and gear.

"Hey dad, could I talk to you before you leave?"

He looked at me and then back at the fishing gear. "What is it Bells, I was heading out."

I quickly explained the situation, telling him Edward was gone as well just to make it sound completely innocent. Not that it really wasn't but Charlie tends to overreact when it comes to boys and me.

"Well, I don't see any problems with that. We certainly don't want Alice to be all alone in that big house. You will call me every morning and every night though just to check in of course."

"Yeah dad, thanks!" I said, getting a bit excited now.

"Thanks Charlie!" Alice exclaimed, actually jumping out of the passenger seat and hugging my shocked father. Charlie blushed profusely and tapped her awkwardly on the shoulder, mumbling at us to get out of here.

I ran upstairs and Alice pretty much packed my bags for me. I'm not complaining, I hate that shit.

I scoffed when she packed some of my more, ahem, sexy undies, but she claimed you never knew what you may need.

After packing we hopped back into my truck and made our way back home to swim and enjoy the next couple of weeks together.

Who knew what we would get up to, all I know is that we are going to have a freaking blast these next two weeks.


	5. Aint it funny

_**This perfect romance that I've created in my mind**_

_**I'd live a thousand lives**_

_**Each one with you right by my side**_

_**But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance**_

_**And so it seems like we'll never have the chance**_

_**Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny**_

_**And you can't move on even though you try**_

_**Ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel**_

_**Oh, I wish this could be real**_

_**Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life**_

_**And you don't wanna face what's wrong or right**_

_**Ain't it strange how fate can play a part**_

_**In the story of your heart**_

**BPOV**

When we got back to Alice's house, Edward was sitting there alone on the couch looking lost in thought. I think we almost made him have a heart attack by the way he jumped when Alice announced our presence to him.

"Geez Edward, why are you so lost in thought?" she asked him.

He ignored her and jumped up when he saw me carrying my two bags of stuff I would need for my stay here. I would have only grabbed one bag, but Alice insisted on a bunch of stuff I knew I wouldn't use. I had sneakily sorted the bags into stuff I'd wear, and everything else was in the other bag that I doubted I'd even open.

"Here, let me grab those for you. I guess this means Charlie said yes to you staying here?" he asked, smiling at me.

I nodded and allowed him to take one of the bags while I followed him upstairs to the guest bedroom where I had slept last night.

"Yeah, but he thinks you are out of town, so lie dow for the next two weeks. In fact, don't even leave your house please?" I teased. It was unlikely, but this town was so small and if Charlie ran into Edward somewhere around town I'd have a lot to explain.

"Okay, deal. I won't leave this house once for two weeks. That means you will have to bring me anything I will need. Who knows what I may need?" he said with a smirk.

Does he ever not smirk? I guess I will find out during my stay here. We would end up intimately knowing each other by the end of this little adventure.

"Whatever. So what are the plans for today? Gosh, I havn't had just a whole day off without school for the longest time. I don't even know what to do with myself."

"Oh, we will be sure to keep you entertained. I actually have to hit up the music store to get some new strings for my guitar and some other things. I can chill with you guys when I get back though. I'll even call Riley up and see what he's doing. We can all swim or something maybe?" he asked.

I nodded again. "Yeah, that sounds great. So your show is Wednesday. Only two days away, are you excited?"

He dropped my bags on the bed as we arrived in the bedroom and turned to me again, his eyes shining. I could tell he was really into this, his music. "Yeah Bella, I'm pretty damn excited to play live again. It's been so long, Tanya never really supported me in that aspect," he finished, his excited face turning sour.

I gave him a sympathetic look, to which he shook his head and started to walk back downstairs. Okay, so he doesn't like people feeling sorry for him, I thought to myself.

"Oh, hey. Thanks for dealing with my drunk ass last night, I'm still super embarrased though about you seeing me like that," I said, feeling myself warm just thinking about it again.

He turned back to me with an amused look. Yay! I cheered him up, at my expense but whatever.

"I like drunk Bella, hopefully we will see lots more of her."

"I winced and punched him lightly on the shoulder. "Dude, hopefully you won't but I'm sure she will make a few appearances."

I met Alice in the kitchen and Edward left to go get his music stuff, shouting goodbye to Alice from the front hallway. Alice and I spent the rest of the afternoon gossiping. Mostly about how adorable Riley was and how she totally thinks she likes him.

At about four in the afternoon, I was getting tired of talking about Riley and was silently wondering how I could distract Alice away from gabbing more and wishing Edward would just get back already and save me.

I think Alice saw me look at the clock one too many times, because she finally looked at me and smiled really big before going over to the stereo and turning on the hit music channel. I rolled my eyes and wondered what she was planning.

"Hey Bella, what do you say we make homemade pizza and have some beers tonight?" she asked, jumping up and down in excitement.

My stomach fluttered a bit at the thought of drinking again after last night. I wasn't a huge drinker, and I definitely don't do two nights in a row usually, but these two weeks I decided that I was going to go outside my usual safe Bella self and take some risks. I mean, how risky could drinking with my best friends be? As long as it's not tequila...

I grinned at her and agreed and she hopped up to see if her parents had any beer in the fridge the kept in the basement. I knew she wouldn't come up emptyhanded because her parents always had plenty of booze on hand. Sure enough, she came bounding up the stairs with a 30 case of bud light in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other.

"Um Alice? Don't you think that the vodka is a bit overboard?" I wondered aloud.

"Well, we may want it later. I mean, I might need it later if Riley's coming over because I get so nervous I don't know what to say."

I stared at her in shock. "Wow Ally, you must really like him, I've never heard you say you didn't know what to say to someone."

She shrugged her shoulders, trying to come off as indifferent. That was one thing about her that we had in common. We didn't like to be vulnerable, I think because we don't want people to know if something upsets us if things don't go as we planned.

I followed her into the kitchen as another one of Katy Perry's endless stream of singles came on the radio. This one was about Friday night or something. Pretty silly if you ask me, but no one ever does.

She pulled out the ingredients and I started whipping up the handmade dough while she waited for me to be done basically. I was the cook out of all my friends, everyone else just messed things up when they tried to make anything more difficult than mac and cheese.

She started singing and dancing around the kitchen as I smiled in amusement. She popped open two beers and handed one to me. I had kind of only recently gotten into beer. I guess college will do that to you. I drank rather slowly, unless you put me in front of a flippy cup table and then I went nuts. You could say I was a bit competitve, in all aspects of my life.

So, while I was just casually drinking my beer, Alice finished hers in a matter of three minutes and proceeded to burp loudly in my face with victory.

"Alright Tink, you are making this like a competition to me now and you know how I get, you better stop it!" I said. I grabbed my beer and chugged the rest quickly.

I felt the buzz slightly in my head from drinking it so quickly and decided that maybe I shouldn't chug anymore at least until the pizza was in the oven. I hurried to finish dough and then we had a bit of fun making the pizza have a smiley face with pepperoni. At that point, Alice was two beers deep and I was getting more tipsy still just by slowly drinking my second so we were giggling like schoolgirls when Edward walked in, Riley following closely behind him.

He met my eye and held it for what felt just a couple seconds too long, then glanced at what we were doing and started cracking up. I felt myself blush and Alice looked to Alice to see if she was embarrased as well but she just bounced up to the two of them, hugging Edward first, then Riley. I liked her style, using the excuse of hugging her brother first then "casually" hugging Riley as well. She must be pretty drunk. Yep, she just started dancing again. In front of Riley. I shouldn't be surprised though, she would probably do the same thing sober.

The boys loooked on in amusement, Riley's eyes on Alice fully as her shirt rose up a little when her little hands went up in the air as she jumped up at a certain point. I threw a pepperoni at him and he totally took it in the face due to his distraction.

Edward laughed and I threw one at him after raising my eyebrow at him. He dodged it easily.

"No. No. NO!" Alice suddenly screamed. "You two are not going to have a food fight again. You can find some other way to flirt, but not that way."

Gosh, I could kill her. She had absolutely no filter when she was drunk. I didn't look at Edward and quickly grabbed the pizza and jammed it in the oven. It wasn't preheated yet, but who cares?

No one made any further comments than that about it so I got comfortable in one of the barstools and started drinking my beer a little faster, hoping to catch up to Alice, that little brat.

Riley sat down next to me and I handed him a beer. He clinked cans with me and we both chugged quite nicely until I was done (I had only had half though so I kinda cheated) and he finished right after me.

"Forgetting about Jazz already Bella?" he whispered to me.

My head jerked up and I took quick inventory to see if anyone had heard. They hadn't. Edward had disappeared and Alice was dancing to herself over in the corner as she pulled out more beers for us.

"Shut up Ri, we are just being friends. I threw at to you first anyways, so see, am I flirting with you as well?" I asked. I could tell he was just teasing me, but I could also tell he was kind of wondering what Alice meant by again. I was not going to give him more info.

"I know Bells, just checkin. Jasper's my boy. Edward is too, but Jasper is first since we've been friends forever."

"I know, I wouldn't do anything stupid, no worries," I assured him. He patted my back and Alice walked over and handed us more buds.

We spent the next couple hours eating our, if I do say so myself, delicious pizza creation. It probably tasted even better because of the beer buzz. Edward and Riley caught up to our buzz pretty quickly and after we ate, Alice insisted that we play a drinking game.

I rolled my eyes, because I just knew Riley was going to suggest never have I ever because he was retarded like that and for some reason loved that game.

"Let's play never have I ever!" Riley said, as if on cue.

"YEAH!" Alice shouted.

Edward was sitting across from me at the table and I glanced at him to see if he was interested. He was looking at me, and smiled when I met his eye. I smiled back slightly.

"Sometimes I wonder if Emmett's not your brother rather than Edward, Alice," I said and snorted at the idea of huge Em and tiny Alice being related.

Everyone giggled at the idea, which made me laugh harder. I have this contagious feeling when I'm drunk of laughing incessantly whenever anyone else does, even if I don't know why they are laughing. Someone could be having a private conversation and start laughing to themselves and I will start giggling like I was involved or something. It is so stupid.

I looked up again and Edward was looking at me again and started laughing at me. I think he had already caught on to my laughter thing. Great, he was probably going to use that to his advantage.

Soon enough, I got my giggles under control and we acually started playing. We got through about two quesions each before Alice said she was going to go look at something upstairs and would be back. I knew that meant she was going to pass out. She never wanted to admit when she was going to and always, always made something up and never returned. I turned to Edward to see if he knew this about her and sure enough he was rolling his eyes.

"Sure Alice, see ya tomorrow." he said as she shushed him and made her way upstairs. I decided to follow her to make sure she got undressed before she passed out.

I opened her door to find her laying fully clothed on her bed, exactly like I assumed. I had faired pretty well in never have I ever so I was nearly sober by now. I helped her change and she mumbled thanks to me and I made my way back down to the kitchen to see what the boys were up to. It was shortly after midnight and I didn't know if they were planning on staying up or passing out as well. I totally was wired now and would probably be up half the night regardless.

When I came back into the room, Riley was looking pretty darn wasted and was blinking frequently. Edward was looking almost as sober as I felt, which made me sort of happy. At least not all of them were going to pass out on me.

I went over to Riley and tugged on his shoulder. "Come on Ri, lets go lay on the couch buddy," I said.

He looked up at me with half closed eyes and nodded gratefully to me. "Okay momma Bells." He turned to Edward as he stood up. "Bella always takes care of everyone, she's like our momma. That's why I call her momma Bells sometimes," he drunkenly rambled.

Edward looked at me and we both started snickering as I pulled Riley out of the room. When I got him settled in the den, I found a blanket draped on the back of the couch and threw it over to him and went to see what Edward was up to.

I found him cleaning up the kitchen, throwing beer bottles away and I quickly jumped in and helped him complete the task. I was pouring empties out in the sink when he came up next to me with the pizza pan and some plates that we had dirtied throughout the night.

He stood next to me and I dried as he washed. "That was some great pizza Bella, I have to say."

He smiled at me and I blushed slightly and shook my head to clear the inevitable thoughts that always came to my mind when he smiled at me like that.

"Oh, well yeah, I guess I can cook pretty good. At least I'm good at that, right?"

"I know you are good at lots of other things too, I've just yet to discover what they are," he said as I blushed yet again.

He touched my cheek, which caused me to nearly hyperventilate. Why did I feel such a strong attraction to him when I was in love with Jasper? I shouldn't be feeling this way from a single little touch from him. "I do know that you blush quite frequently though. Far more than other girls, that is for sure.

I felt a nervous feeling in my stomach and decided I needed to step away from him slightly because this moment we were having could go somewhere I really wanted it to go, but totally didn't at the same time. What is wrong with you Bella?

I turned away and didn't respond, but my blush probably told him exactly what I was feeling. He seemed to gather that I had gotten a little uncomfortable because he stepped a tad bit further away from me as well and cleared his throat. I hadn't even noticed that as we had been talking, we had been inching closer and closer to each other.

After what felt like an eternity of akward silence but was probably more like thirty seconds, he tried to change the subject, and I let him. I felt guilty for making him feel weird, he probably didn't even feel like he did anyhting inappropriate because he probably didn't have inappropriate thoughts about me like I did him.

We talked about random stuff like the newest albums he had downloaded, and had I heard of this band or that until we were done. The akwardness disapeared as quickly as it had arrived, I wasn't tired still so I decided to ask ask him to stay up longer and maybe watch something with me.

"Well, it depends what it is," he said, raising his eyebrow at me. I knew he was joking so I said something stupid back.

"Well, obviously we should watch America's Next Top Model. You watch that with Alice right?"

He laughed and shook his head vehemently.

"No, seriously I was going to watch old south park. You down?"

"Yeah, but where? We can't in the den because you laid Riley down to rest there."

I hadn't thought about that. "Well, we can watch it on my laptop in my room? I was gonna hook it up to the tv anyways so it'll be easier that way anyways.

"Okay, thats cool," he said, smiling easily at me as we made our way upstairs. I was halfway up when I froze and turned to him. He looked to me surprised.

"Grab that vodka?" I said, feeling playful. He made me so silly and giddy just from our easy banter and constant sarcastic jokes back and forth. I was thinking that I might feel slightly akward with Edward next to me on my bed watching tv as well, and wanted maybe two shots to clear my mind.

He looked at me like I was crazy and I felt really dumb for a second before I saw him chuckle and turn back down to go grab it. Full of surprises, that boy. I won't ever be able to tell if he's serious, I swear.

I got on my laptop and loaded up and was fully ready when he popped back into my room, doing a little dance and holding the vodka up in the air.

I laughed loudly and he slapped a hand over my mouth to quiet me from waking Alice. I smiled sheepishly as I pressed play.

"Okay Swan, so how are we doing this?" he asked me, completely serious faced.

I snorted and elbowed him, then turned my face to match his. "Well clearly the only way is to have a shot everytime Cartman says "Screw you, I hate you guys," I said, mimicking Cartman exactly down to the hilarious was he says "guys". He laughed loudly and it was now my turn to smack my hand over his mouth. Not gonna lie, I felt his lips up slightly, but I don't think he noticed. Ooh, such soft plump lips he has. I am officially horrible. I am feeling up my friends lips? Worst girlfriend ever away goes to Bella! It's okay though because he's not into me, and I have Jasper. Even if I do have a slight crush for him it's inconsequential. Ugh, I need that vodka.

I grabbed it from him hastily and swigged a sip and nearly choked it back up it tasted so nasty. He looked at me the entire time, I could feel his eyes on me. When I met his gaze, he simply smiled and took the bottle back from me and drank a swig himself. He didn't nearly choke as I had though...

We watched the episode, probably laughing far more than was actually required and drinking way more shots than required by my previous rules. I know we made way too many stupid jokes and flirted a little too much than should have happened, but whatever. I was just having fun with a friend. It was all innocent, right?

Soon enough, I was fighting to keep my eyes open, and I was more than a little tipsy. The episode had long since ended and we had put my laptop on the ground. I yawned loudly and looked up at Edward to see him watching me. He had a curious look on his face, and he looked away quickly when I met his gaze. He looked right back though.

"Is it time for Bella to go sweepy?" he teased.

I nodded, overexaggerating it and pulled the covers up over me, sinking into my pillow. He was still looking at me, I could aways seem to feel his eyes on me. I looked up and he smiled slightly and made to get out of the bed.

I don't know what made me do it, but I grabbed his arm before he could get up. He turned back to me with a confused look on his face and something else in his eyes, I would remember tomorrow that it was confliction, but then and there I couldn't understand it, I was too drunk.

"Sleep here. I'm lonely all by myself in here," I whispered. I wasn't even embarrased to be asking this of him.

He looked at me, confusion in his eyes again. He seemed to be trying to find out the right thing to do here. In the end, I guess I convinced him with my pouty face, because he slowly sat back down. I smiled hugely, and he smiled back before laying down on the pillow. We sat staring at each other for a few seconds before he spoke.

"Are you sure this is okay?" he asked. I was confused in my state of mind.

"Why wouldn't it be okay? Your'e my buddy and I want you to stay," I said softly. He nodded slowly.

"Goodnight Bella," he whispered. I opened my eyes, which had almost immediately closed, and smiled at him as I returned the sentiment. He already had his eyes closed too.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I need reviews. It's kind of sad that no one reviews this. Should I not be writing it? Is no one interested?


	6. Finally Begin

**A/N: Hey people, sorry it has taken me so long. My life is busy and complicated, but that shouldn't matter. I apologize, but here is the next chapter, even an Edward POV for you. **

_Weigh the pros but the cons come first_

_I've got a black belt in doubt_

_I get claustrophobic_

_All these open doors around_

_Still the pros are the hardest to ignore_

_I've never felt this light before_

_I took off my sunglasses_

_And waited for the words_

**-Finally Begin, Cold War Kids**

**EPOV**

It had been a weird couple of months for me. My first love and the girl that I thought was everything turned out to be everything...that I don't want. Even before she cheated on me I could tell things weren't going to work out. It was killing me inside to know that she had changed so much from when we got together. We used to be perfect. Before my family moved to Forks, I had had a very happy existance and many friends. Tanya and I were great together from the moment we first met our sophomore year, happiest couple out of all my friends at least. Then senior year came and Tanya slowly got more and more of an ego. She began seeing herself as this hot commodity and that she was above everyone and everything. She reassured me everyday that I was lucky she was with me because she could get probably any guy she wanted. I was blind and still in love with the old Tanya so I stayed with her, indeed feeling lucky she was still with me.

I'm not stupid, I know I could have gotten many other girlfriends if Tanya decided to ditch me, but I couldn't let the past go. I couldn't accept that she wasn't even the same person anymore and got angry with Alice when she spoke the truth to me. I was glad I finally saw the truth, even if it took her cheating on me to accept it all. Alice and I were much closer again now that Tanya was out of the picture, and school had been great. It was a lot of fun meeting many new friends, but especially bonding with Alice's little group of friends. I mostly hung out with my own crew at school, but I enjoyed hanging with Alice, Rose and Bella on occasion. I especially enjoyed my friendship with Bella, even though it was a weird sort of friendship. I think I felt an immediate draw to her, kindred spirits if you will. We somehow had this thing where we could not really know each other that well and still be able to spill our deepest thoughts with one another. Our friendship did better over the phone, because everytime we would hang out at school, we would pretend that we didn't know deeply personal stuff about each other's relationships. It was bizarre, but it worked for us for some reason.

We are actually getting to know each other on a more personal level than just speaking over the phone now and I find myself regretting not attempting to do so during the entire year we spent at school.

It was kind of weird to me for all these reasons that she was now in the same bed as me... My throat felt extremely dry, almost to the point where I couldn't swallow and I was wrapped up comfortably in a blanket that wasn't mine. As I slowly woke up, I began to remember details from last night. Hanging out with Ally, Riley and Bella. Bella...sleeping now next to me. Why? Alice going upstairs and passing out. Riley passing out on my couch, and me staying up with Bella. Having more fun than I've had in forever with Bella. Teasing each other a little too much. I couldn't help it when I was around her though. She is just really cool and for some reason I feel slightly nervous every time she's around. I've been around plenty of beautiful women, so that wasn't the issue here. I shook my head and cleared all my stupid thoughts out. Why am I even thinking so much about Bella at all? I mean, we are just becoming good friends, and I liked that. I honestly felt really guilty for even being in her bed right now. What was I thinking? If Jasper knew he would probably kick my ass. Hell, I knew I were him I'd drive all the way home and strangle myself to death. Well, maybe not to death.

I looked over next to me and saw her then, looking like an angel as she slept, curled up in fetal position and smiling slightly to herself like she was having a good dream or something. I remembered back to last night when we were watching South Park, well more like not watching it and joking around. It was just so easy to be myself with her and I felt like I never laughed as much as when she was around. And then she asked me to stay. Why? Ugh, it doesn't even matter. It can't matter. She was just lonely and missed the feeling of having a boy around her. I knew the feeling. I quickly got up and left the room, hoping no one ever found out what happened last night and telling myself I would never allow it to happen again.

I decided to leave the house and clear my thoughts and stop by the music store for some things I would need this week.

**BPOV**

I woke up the next morning and looked around wondering if I had dreamt of Edward sleeping in the room with me. Nope, I definitely remember my drunk ass asking him to stay, and him seeming conflicted, but agreeing. Stupid, stupid Bella. What would Jasper think? Well, he may not even care considering Edward is just a friend. Why do I feel guilty then? I decided then and there that I would keep it to myself and not allow it to happen ever again.

I made my way to the bathroom, wondering at what time Edward had snuck out of my room and hoping beyond hope that none of my friends had seen him. Gosh, here I am making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.

I spent the rest of the day with Alice just hanging out. Edward wasn't around all day and neither of us knew where he had gone of to. Probably practicing somewhere private for his performance tomorrow. I can't lie, I was wondering where he was practically all day long and everytime I heard a car outside I wondered if it was him coming home. Not that I wasn't having fun with Alice, because we were. I just like being around him is all. It always makes me in a better mood somehow. Last night was so incredibly fun and relaxing and just amazing. He was going to be a great friend, and I couldn't wait to spend more time with him.

We watched chick flicks late into the night. We were inturrupted by a couple phone calls, first from Rose and Em. I laughed as I remembered some highlights of the conversation. We had been on speakerphone so Alice and I could both hear.

_"Bella, you won't believe how much pizza Em ate at dinner tonight. It was just embarrasing," Rose said, laughing hysterically._

_"Oh god, how much?" I asked. I miss that goof and his antics way too much._

_"I bet he broke a new record," Alice said, giggling._

_"Two entire large pizzas. My Aunt thought he was awesome of course. The more you eat here, the more respect you get. My family is crazy. Anyways, tell me about what's going on back home. I miss you loads."_

_"Well, I've just been staying at the Cullen's as you know. We've been drinking like every night, which I should probably lay off of. Ally and I are taking a night off tonight. Basically just us, Edward and Riley hanging out. OOh Rose, you should see Alice and Riley, it's so cute," I said._

_"Aww, did you guys do it yet?" Rose asked. Oh so blunt, Rose is._

_Alice blushed dramatically. "No of course not Rose. What you should really see is Bella and Edward"_

_It was now my turn to blush. I tried so hard not to, but it isn't in my nature to be able to control that._

_"What? Alice, there is nothing going on what are you talking about?"_

_Alice gave me a look and I shook my head at her. "Alice what's going on? Should I be informing Jasper of any inappropriate behavior?" Rose said, sounding excited._

_"Why are you both so eager to assume that I am cheating on Jasper with Edward? So not going to happen. I am not a cheater," I exclaimed, getting kind of angry and feeling guilty when remembering that I had slept in a bed with Edward last night. There is just no way in hell I can tell them about that now, after they already give me shit for this scenario._

_"Oh Bella, you are so easy. I was kind of teasing you, but now that you get so defensive over it, is there something you want to tell us?" Rose said. I knew she could tell I was feeling some sort of something. She knew me better than Alice did, and what Alice couldn't pick up on, she did. I may have a talk with her later, but there's no way I'm discussing this at any length with Alice, Edward's sister. No matter how close we are._

_"No, I'm just annoyed that you guys think so low of me," I said, hoping to play on their guilt and make them drop it. Alice gave me a look that she saw exactly what I was doing, but contrary to her nature, she let it drop. She always lets me off the hook about Edward for some reason. I guess she thinks that we are close enough that if something was going on I would tell her. Yeah right._

_"We don't, Bella. I'll stop messing around about it okay? Rose said._

_"Yeah, I know you'd tell us if something other than friendship was happening. Or Edward would," she said, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly and looked at me with some gleam in her eye. I silently freaked out. Are Edward and her close enough that he would tell her what happened last night? Or did he already tell her? Wouldn't Alice have immediately brought it up to me though if he had? Maybe there are some things about Alice I don't know completely yet. She seemed to be up to something and I didn't like that look in her eye._

_I kept her eye contact and a serious face when I replied that, yes, of course I would tell them because they are my best friends. I wasn't even lying because nothing had happened anyways yet. Why did I say yet. Even better question, why do I keep asking myself questions._

We hung up eventually after talking with Em for a few minutes and went back to watching our movie. It was kind of an awkward silence between us because and I assumed that she knew that I was keeping something from her, and I didn't know for sure if Edward had told her anything or not and was freaking the hell out about it. If she knew, she certainly would have said something by now right? Ugh, sometimes I just don't know when it comes to Alice. She is a bit mysterious like that at times.

I didn't have much time to think about it because my phone rang again shortly after. Alice looked annoyed until I said it was Jasper and got up to leave the room. We hadn't spoken since the other day, except on text messaging. He had been really busy at the museum because they were having a History Fair there all week long.

"Hey Jazz," I said, excited to talk to him.

"Hey Bells, hows it going?"

"It's good. I'm having fun here, but still wish you were here. How's the fair?"

"Oh Bella, it's been so amazing. I get to dress up as a civil war army guy and talk with my accent and stuff. People are loving it. I think I may go into acting rather than this history stuff," he said, jokingly.

I snorted. "Oh Jasper, you are the biggest nerd I know. That totally sounds like you. Wish I could see you in your uniform. You probably look really hot in it."

"Of course I do Bells. I'll send you a pic later. Some of the guys and me took a few pictures. And so what if I'm a dork, so are you."

"I know, that's why we are meant to be."

"Yep. I'm so glad we aren't fighting anymore. I miss you way too much to be yelling at you everytime we speak."

"Yeah. I want a hug from you so badly right now. I miss your arms around me and how amazing you always smell," I smiled thinking about the last time I got to hug him.

"I know Bells, it won't be too much longer, you'll see."

"Yeah, only two months..."

"It'll go faster than you think. So tell me what's going on at home. Have you talked to Rose and Emmett since they left?"

"Haha, yeah. Just did actually. Guess how many pizzas Em ate tonight?"

"I'm sure a ridiculous amount." He snorted and my heart warmed up at the sound. I always forget how much I miss him until I talked to him again.

"Yeah, two whole damn pizzas. Anyways I'm actually staying at the Cullen's for the first couple weeks since their parents are out of town. Staying in the guest room. It's been fun, just chilling with Alice and Edward and sometimes Riley. Riley and Alice are making out left and right now."

"Seriously? So you and Edward becoming pretty close then?" he asked. My heart started beating a little faster. Did he sense something? I'm crazy, obviously he doesn't.

"Um, yeah. We've been left alone quite a few times when they're off doing stuff. He's really cool, I like him a lot."

He didn't answer for a few seconds. "Yeah, he's a good guy. I'll have to talk to him and make sure he's taking care of you. Oh Bells, I don't like the idea of some other guy taking care of you though. Especially some 'really cool guy that you like a lot'. Should I be worried?" he asked. I could tell he was joking but it still made me feel horrible for what happened last night.

"Of course you should be worried. Edward and I have been making out even more than Alice and Riley." I joked back, forcing out a laugh.

He laughed and we talked for a while longer before I hung up and joined Alice back on the couch. I wasn't surprised to see that she hadn't waited for me for the movie.

I had just gotten settled in when I heard the door open and some people come in. I heard Edward's voice speak softly and then a couple of girl's laughter. I instantly wondered who the voices belonged to and where he had been and what they were up to right now.

I didn't have to wonder long. Edward walked into the room with a leggy blonde girl and a slightly shorter leggy strawberry blonde girl. I hardly noticed the other guy standing next to the two girls as I took in the appearance of the beautiful girls standing next to Edward. Figures he would hang around girls like these two. They just look like they belong next to him.

"Hey guys what're you up to?" Edward asked.

Alice rolled her eyes and paused the movie, sighing dramatically.

"Well, we were trying to watch this movie but between Bella and you, I haven't watched more than ten minutes of it." She gave me a pointed stare and I stuck my tongue out at her.

I looked back at Edward to catch him looking at me and blushed slightly at the fact that he saw that. He was kinda staring at me weirdly but then snapped out of it and smirked his cute little smirk at me. "What did Bella do?" he asked, continuing to hold my eye. I snuck a peek at the strawberry blonde chick next to him and saw her looking at me with a sort of evil stare. What the hell?

Edward must have seen me glance at her because he immediately started introductions.

"Of course you guys already know Alice, but this is Bella, Alice's roommate and a good friend of ours. Bella, this is Kate", he said, pointing towards the evil glarer. "And this is Victoria, her sister", he said, pointing towards the tall redhead with ice blue eyes. She smiled at me, and I returned the gesture. At least she was nice. "And this is James, a good friend of mine. Him and Victoria are dating."

"Nice to meet you all," I said, smiling at them all in turn. Alice rolled her eyes at me and mouthed 'bitches'. I almost lost it and snorted but somehow held it in. Edward seemed to catch the interaction and looked as if he was also trying not to laugh because he excused the group and they all went upstairs.

"Alice you can't do that to me," I said, slapping her lightly on the arm.

She giggled and started to defend herself.

"They are, well Kate at least. Victoria is pretty cool besides the fact that she backs Kate up at all costs, no matter if she thinks she's right or not. It's pretty fucked up."

"Oh, so how do they all know Edward? Why would he be friends people like that? Well, I guess he kind of has bad taste when it comes to girls, huh? What with dating Tanya and all." I couldn't believe I was doing it, but I found myself fishing for information about wether Edward was possibly dating Kate or not. So not cool, Bella.

"Yeah, he has pretty crappy tastes. Kate's been on his balls since the day James and him became friends and they all met." She paused and studied me briefly. Or maybe she didn't. My anxiety concerning Edward is getting completely out of hand, I can't even get a read on my best friend. "He's never seemed interested yet, but then again he's always had Tanya so who knows what is going on here. Edward isn't even really friends with James anymore. James got into some bad shit senior year of high school and he kind of stopped hanging around him. I wonder if he's trying to get with Kate or something, but after this week? I didn't think he'd want to."

She froze and slapped a hand to her mouth. "I mean, um, I didn't think he'd ever be interested in her like that though."

"What do you mean after this week?" Does she mean what I think she means?

She seemed to be racking her brain for an answer, but I wouldn't get it because her phone rang at that exact moment. She looked super relieved and gave me an 'apologetic' stare as she answered. I decided to drop it because I didn't really want to know what she meant anyways. If I made her spill, she would most definitely drag out my little secret and I so did not wanna go there.

She eventually ended her phone call, which was her mom checking in, and we went back to our comfortable silence watching our film. Alice fell asleep on the couch and I started to drift off when I was awoken suddenly to the sound of Edward and his friends coming downstairs. I heard him say goodbye to them and let them out the door before going into the kitchen and running the tap for water. It was silent for a few minutes and I closed my eyes and listened, not really sure why I was listening at all, but I knew he was still in the kitchen and I couldn't help but want to know what he was doing because there was no noise at all. I definitely would have heard him walking back upstairs. It seemed like forever but finally I heard his footsteps make thier way into the hallway and pause slightly as he most likely looked into the room we were in. I fought so hard the desire to open my eyes and smile at him and ask him to hang out because that's what I wanted to do so badly. I would feel too weird about it though after convincing Alice nothing was happening to possibly have her wake up and me gone in Edward's room or something. So I sat there, eyes closed, pretending to sleep. It felt like another eternity, but I finally heard him turn and go up the stairs. Why did I want to jump up and scream, 'hey, just kidding, I'm awake. Please can we just hang out?'.

I am losing my damn mind. Jasper. Think about him. He's so amazing and so good to you. You miss him so much...

**A/N: Next chapter will be Edward's open mic night performance! Get excited, he writes pretty great songs!**


	7. Knife

A/N: Hey people, thanks for continuing to read. I'd really like some input on this so pretty please review. Definitely don't feel motivated to keep writing it if I am getting absolutely no feedback. I know people are alerting and favoriting the story so how about you review? Kthanks. :) By the way, the song that Edward writes in this chapter is called "Words Cannot Describe" by Mirah. The songs that he performs at the show are that song and "Knife" by Grizzly Bear and lastly "The Fight Song" by The Appleseed Gang. Please pretend for the story's sake that he wrote these songs. I will probably be doing this in several chapters. If anyone has any cool song ideas I could use, let me know!

**EPOV**

I don't know why but I am extremely nervous about the performance that I am giving tonight at the open mic night. I mean, I've done these types of performances so many times I could probably do it in my sleep, but I guess playing in front of my new close friends, Riley and Bella, made it different somehow. The idea that they would think my writing or guitar playing was horrible made my stomach churn. If I was being honest with myself, I knew that it was because Bella would be there and it would be the first time she saw me perform something of my own writing. I had talked about my music with her enough that she seemed to be so impressed by it and probably thought I was like some genius or something and I really did not want her to think I sucked. Why do I even care so much though? I was really pissing myself off lately with my reactions to this girl. I already cared more about what she thought of me than I care about what anyone else thinks combined. And I simply cannot stop thinking about her at all. I had decided to stop lying to myself and just admit that I was crushing hard on Bella, and I also realized how horrifying this is. She is taken, happily taken at that, by Jasper who also happens to be turning into one of my best friends. Why am I doing this to myself? It's not like I can help it though. I definitely didn't try to have feelings for Bella, it just happened. Sometimes I think that maybe deep down she returns my feelings but I think I also might just be crazy.

I had tried to distract myself all day yesterday after that night we spent together. That night definitely meant way more to me than it did to her, I am sure of that. So I had called up my old friend James, who I had kind of cut out of my life due to his activities in the drug circles in high school. I had heard he had cleaned up his act for college and decided to give him another chance. Besides, his girlfriend's sister, Kate, had always been a crush of mine and I was single now. I may as well go out and meet new, or in this case, old, girls and try my best not to even think about this stupid crush on Bella.

Kate is a great girl, yet a little snobby. She is extremely confident and even verging on cocky. She knows that she is gorgeous and she knows how cool she is too. Unlike the typical popular, good looking chicks that I have met, she was actually fun to hang out with and could actually hold a conversation and liked good music. I had always had a sort of thing for her when we all hung out back in high school before Tanya came along.

When I called James, he seemed slightly surprised to say the least to be hearing from me but jumped at the opportunity to catch up. Him, Victoria his girlfriend, and Kate met me at this coffee shop a few minutes from my house and we all sat around chatting for a while. I found that James had indeed cleaned up his act and was back to the nice, cool guy that had been my best friend for all those years. Victoria was still a super bitch to anyone outside of her little group of friends but she had never shown me that side of herself, even after James and me had grown distant. I think she understood and supported my decision to end our friendship because both her and I had tried to help James to no avail for quite some time. It seemed that she had finally gotten him under control though, I would have to ask her how it all went down sometime. Kate wasn't like I remembered. She walked in the place and smiled at me like she knew exactly why I had called James after all these years. I guess James had mentioned that he should have Kate come along as well.

They came over and sat at the table, Kate giving me a once over and seemingly liking what she saw because she spent the rest of the time I spent with them touching my arm or leg or flirting with me incessantly. It was flattering, and at first I kind of liked it, but I thought it was a bit much for just getting reacquainted. I wanted to get to know her again before jumping into something possibly.

Overall though, it was a successful time because I didn't think about Bella or last night again until James and the girls and I went back to our place for a bit and Bella and Alice were just sitting there on the couch, Bella looking like a damn angel yet again. My mind instantly went to how she looked when I saw her sleeping next to me this morning and I damn near blushed like she always does at the memory. I had introduced them to Bella and gotten out of there before I lost all resolve. James and the girls had stayed for a while, but not too long and luckily Bella and Alice had been asleep by the time they left. I don't think I could handle the temptation of trying to hang out with Bella again all night like we had that night.

And now, here I was, sitting in my room and writing a song about how this girl made me feel so much so fast. I had known her now for a whole year, but we still didn't know each other that well, and she had managed to captivate me in these past few days since returning from school. I had always felt drawn to her, but just assumed she and I were becoming friends. The conversations with her on the phone during the school year had always made me laugh and I had always looked forward to hearing from her, but those feelings that I'm having now weren't really there because I had Tanya then, or was in the process of getting over her. It amazed me though how connected we had been from the very beginning, being so instantly able to share our deepest secrets with one another and talk endlessly. I had never shared that with anyone, not even Tanya.

I strummed my guitar and hummed a tune as I racked my brain for the next verse. I wanted to finish this so I could maybe play it tonight. I wasn't worried at all that anyone would figure out it was written for Bella because why the hell would anyone think I wrote a song about Bella, my very taken friend? Alice. Alice will know, but I don't really care. I know she won't tell Bella, she'll just give me a lecture about how I'm setting myself up for a broken heart.

I continued to scribble on my notepad as I played back memories of times we had spent together to draw inspiration.

_Words cannot describe_

_The twinkle in your eyes_

_The fireworks that happen_

_Inside my heart they're snappin'_

_I'm wishin' on a star to be with you_

_This lazy afternoon_

_Will find me in my room_

_Plucking petals one by one_

_Oh my heart will come undone_

_Wondering if my wishes will come true_

_I'm waiting for the day you'll let me love you_

_I'm like a flower swooning for the sun_

_Shine on me so tenderly, my love_

_And say that you will be my only one_

_I look up at the moon_

_And hope that maybe soon_

_We'll be together i can tell_

_Our romance will be like a spell_

_Cast upon the town when we're around_

_I see you walking by_

_'N there's no use to disguise_

_The fella in me quivers_

_And now i've got the shivers_

_Tingling up my spine, oh you're divine_

_Oh tell me won't you say to me my darling_

_That your love for me will never die_

_I look up at you and sweetly sigh_

_Forever i could stare into your eyes_

I pulled my fingers through my hair and sighed in exasperation like I always did when I was nervous or frustrated. I am so pathetic, I thought to myself as I slammed my notebook shut. Why am I sitting here writing music inspired by my friend who I have absolutely no chance at actually ever being with? If I ever told her how I am feeling, everything would be completely fucked up for our whole group of friends. It may be true that I don't know Jasper all that well, mainly due to the fact that I only ever saw him when he came to visit Bella at school and the few other times we had all hung out, but I still considered him a friend and couldn't believe I was thinking these thoughts about his girl. I hated myself for it because if I were in his shoes and found out what I was thinking, I'd absolutely want to kill me.

She just inspired the words though, they're not one hundred percent about her. I mean, obviously I just wrote about the feelings that you feel when you first start developing a crush on someone and Bella is pulling those feelings out in me. It doesn't mean that I can't move on from these feelings, because I absolutely have to. No ifs ands or buts.

**BPOV**

It was later that afternoon and Alice insisted we start getting ready for the show already. It started at seven and we weren't sure what time Edward would be playing so we were planning on getting there at like 6:30 just to make sure we didn't miss anything. I hadn't seen him all day but walking past his closed bedroom door earlier, I had assumed he was holed up in there practicing or fiinishing up some song. I can't deny that I am super anxious to hear him play. I definitely had a thing for musicians, especially ones who wrote amazing lyrics that were almost more like poetry. I had a feeling Edward's writing would be like that. The way he spoke sometimes reminded me of classic literature I read frequently. I had to assume he was into the same kind of stuff or how else would he pick up on language like that. It kind of intrigued me that a guy my age would be into stuff like that, as I had yet to meet anyone, let alone a guy my age that was.

I was currently sitting in a stool in front of the mirror as Alice did my hair and such. She was much better at this kind of thing, and I had a feeling she was getting me all dolled up because of Edward. She so knew something was up. Nothing really was though, we were simply friends, that's all. I am trying desperately to convince myself that I don't find Edward interesting besides the kind of interesting I found, say, Emmett or Riley. I had pretty much convinced myself that I just wanted to be closer to Edward because I knew we had so much in common. We were becoming such fantastic friends, I loved it.

Rose had called me about ten times but I hadn't bothered to call her back yet because I honestly needed to get myself under control and think about some of my actions lately before I told her everything. I wanted to be honest when I answered her inevitable questions about Edward and myself.

Soon enough, I had dressed in my on and we were in the car on the way to the show. I had chosen a tight fitting long sleeve sweater dress that had a very deep v in the back that exposed a lot of my pale skin. (**outfits on profile) **I wasn't sure about it, but Alice ensured me it was super freaking sexy and that guys wouldn't be able to stop looking at the 'forbidden' exposed skin I was showing. Not to mention, it hugged my ass quite perfectly and I had to admit, I had a pretty great ass. While my boobs had failed to help me out ever, at least I had some junk in my trunk, as Jasper liked to say. I laughed to myself as I thought about him saying that to me.

Alice gave me a weird look but I didn't acknowledge it. We pulled into the place and we got out and made our way in. Riley was there saving us a table and he quickly waved us over to him. I found myself doing a scan of the room and didn't come up with what I was searching for. When I finally looked back to Riley to say hello, him and Alice were already lost in a conversation about something I couldn't figure out.

I was basically sitting there alone, so I pulled out my phone to text Jasper and saw another call from Rose. I felt guilty immediately so I sent her a text as well saying I'd call her soon, I just needed some time to assess things.

She wrote back instantly and I could practically hear her screaming at me through the text.

_Bella Swan I will come across this big ocean between us and kick your ass if you ever fail to get back to me like that again._

I rolled my eyes and put my phone down and was staring off into space trying not to think too hard about why I was so obsessed with spending time with Edward when someone touched my shoulder and I nearly fell backwards out of my chair in shock.

I snapped my head around and saw green eyes staring into mine.

"Hey Bella, geez. Watch it, you almost fell. I won't always be around to catch you, you know," he smirked at me.

I almost fell again but managed to control myself. God damn that crooked smirk gets me every stupid time. I need to just not look at his mouth ever. Especially not for prolonged periods of time like I am currently doing and especially not when he is looking at me and seeing me do it. I am such a freak, he probably is totally weirded out by me right now. I forced my eyes up and stuck my tongue out at him sassily. Yay Bella, way to redeem yourself. Act like a freaking middle schooler.

"Shut up Edward. I was so not falling until you scared the shit out of me."

"Uh huh, sure. You seemed pretty out of it. Thinking about someone special?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows at me. I saw him glance down at my dress and where it ended on my upper thigh. I shoved the hem down inconspicously and he immediately looked back into my eyes. God, is this dress too short? Is that why he was staring at it like that? No, its not too short, Alice would have told me right?

His gaze burned into mine and I felt like he was asking me if I was thinking of him but I knew that was crazy. So of course I blush and make things even more weird. He probably does think I was thinking about him now after that reaction. Geez, control yourself.

My phone buzzed with a message and I quickly glanced down and saw it was from Jasper. I smiled slightly and that was encouragement enough to get my act together.

"Nope. I wasn't thinking of anything. My head is full of flies just swarming around. Nothing important goes on in there," I said sarcastically.

He glanced at my phone and then quickly back up at me and seemed slightly sad for a moment before he tapped my head and moved on to say hey to Alice and Riley. My heart sank that he had left me already and didn't stay to continue our banter. He must not enjoy my company as much as I seem to enjoy his. I tried to hide my dissapointment as I opened the text.

_Hey girl, glad you're out having fun. so wish i was there and Alice texted me a pic of your backside in that dress. holy shit Bella you are so damn sexy. love you, tell edward break a leg. _

I blushed furiously and turned to glare at Alice. How the hell had she found time to sneak in a picture of me from behind? It must have been when we were walking into the place. Good lord, that girl amazes me! Alice wasn't looking at me but Edward was. Welll, not at my face, he was staring at my back. So was some creepy dude standing off to the side behind Edward. What the hell, I guess guys really do like this dress. I shot the dude a weird look and he sheepishly looked away.I tried really hard not to look at Edward after that but did it anyways. He wasn't looking at me any longer and I started thinking maybe he hadn't been looking at my dress.

I pulled Alice away from her conversation with Riley to yell at her, not caring in the slightest that we had an audience.

"Alice, when the hell did you send Jasper a picture of my backside in this dress?"

Alice, Riley and Edward all started cracking up when I blurted this out, and I found myself blushing yet again.

I stared at them all in turn, and now Riley and Edward were both looking at my dress trying to see the back of it. I stared at them open mouthed and shot each of them a dirty look. Riley laughed harder and so did Edward at my reaction.

"Oh Bella honey. That right there is exactly why I sent dear Jasper that picture. I knew he'd say something ridiculous and I'd get to see you react just like I figured you would."

I fumed a little more and continued shooting everyone dirty looks, much to thier amusement.

"I mean, it looks hella good Bells," Riley threw out when he saw that I was still upset.

"Yeah, I don't get why you are so embarrassed at guys looking at it. You get looks like that constantly," Edward said.

My eyes flew to his, and why the hell did I blush again. Edward seriously thought I got ogled by dudes all the time? Haha. Wait, does that mean he finds me worthy of ogling? I did kind of catch him staring at it but I'm not sure that really happened. I'm kind of crazy and sometimes I think I hallucinate things I really wish were happening.

"I so do not get looks," I stammered. Riley laughed again and Alice just snorted.

Edward smirked and shook his head, looking at our friends then back to me.

"Does she really not see how men look at her?" he asked them.

My blushing was getting out of hand. "Seriously guys? The only guy that looks at me like anything is Jasper. So shut up."

"Oh Bella, you just can't see yourself clearly dear," Alice said, patting my arm. I jerked it away and stalked out of my seat to go, like, get a soda or something. I couldn't stand being the center of my little group's attention. Especially when they were feeding me bullshit I knew wasn't true.

I was a way away from the table when I felt someone following me. I ignored them, assuming it was Alice.

Then they grabbed my elbow and stopped me, and it definitely wasn't Alice and I was pretty sure it wasn't Riley. I had never felt butterflies in my stomach at a touch from Riley.

I turned and found Edward smirking down at me yet again. I was getting kind of annoyed at his know it all looks. "Does embarrassing me give you great pleasure Edward?" I sneered at him.

He looked slightly taken aback but recovered so fast I was kind of shocked. "Bella, learn to take a compliment and you wouldn't have to be so embarrassed. I don't get why catching me starting at you like half the men in this room currently are is so embarrassing for you anyways. Most girls find that kind of thing flattering."

Did he just admit to checking me out? Oh god. Help me, please. My self control can only go so far. I couldn't act like I was pleased at what he said so I turned to sarcasm as I often do in times like these.

"Well, I'm not most girls, I'm sure you've figured that out by now."

He looked surprised at my response but smiled at me anyways and I just now realized he was still holding my arm where he had grabbed me originally because I felt him slightly stroke it. My brain was turning to mush. "Bella, I certainly know that you are not like other girls by now."

Was he flirting with me or insulting me? I raised my eyebrows and decided to play a little and find out. "Is that a good or bad thing?" I said, smirking back at him.

He smiled and was about to answer when he looked at something behind me and got distracted. I turned around to see what had caught his attention and found myself looking at Kate and Victoria, who was draped on the arm of James. The girls were wearing dressed that screamed nightclub, not coffee house open mic night. Kate was wearing a skintight black one shoulder dress that was all lace. Victoria had on a similarly tight red dress that was slightly more modest than Kate's choice.

"Hey Edward, you look great," Kate said breathily. I could tell she was trying to speak seductively. I wondered if Edward could see through her like I could. I looked at him and he was looking at Kate and smiling as he greeted her back.

"As do you Kate. And you Victoria. Thanks so much for coming guys. I really appreciate your support."

"Oh, well we wouldn't miss it of course. I haven't seen you play since that one time in high school years ago. You always were amazing at it." Kate was saying. I didn't fail to notice that none of them even acknowledged my presence. I edged away from them, seeing Edward glance at me as I walked away but not looking back. I though he said my name, but the coffee machine went off right at the same time so I wasn't sure. I walked to the counter and ordered an iced frappe and when it was ready I hightailed it back to my seat, taking a long way around so I wouldn't have to walk past that stupid bitch again. What could he see in a girl like that? I guess Tanya was kind of the same though, he likes that kind of girl.

Alice and Riley asked where I had been and I didn't say anything but showed them my coffee in answer. Alice gave me a look and Riley asked where Edward had gone. I nodded my head in his direction but didn't allow myself to look back over there. I don't know why it bothered me, but I guess I just knew he deserved better than that and it frustrated me seeing him settle for sluts like her.

I joined conversation with Alice and Riley and we all had a pretty great time once I allowed myself to forget about what Edward and the sluts were doing. Four of five people had performed by now and I was beginning to wonder when it was Edward's turn. Finally I gave in to my need to look at him and was dissapointed when I saw the girls and James at a table accross the room and no sign of Edward. Kate happened to be looking at me and sneered at me. I shot her a nasty look and turned around quickly.

Alice and Riley were seriously ticking me off because they kept getting lost in private conversations. I wasn't really mad though because I was way too happy for them. I was just pissed because I wanted someone to talk to. I didn't have long to pout because I heard the emcee announce that Edward Cullen would be playing next and I nearly got whiplash from turning my head so fast to him.

He walked towards the stool sitting in the middle of the stage and I wondered how he could be so brave. I knew I couldn't ever do such a thing. I kind of thought Edward didn't like much attention but I guess he didn't mind it with music.

He seemed kind of shy when he spoke though to the crowd, so maybe I was right. He didn't look at anyone as he spoke but instead stared at the paper he had lain in his lap.

"Hey guys, I'm going to play a couple of songs I wrote semi-recently. The first is kind of an optimistic song I wrote after going through tough times. The second song is about said tough times. Hope you enjoy." He then glanced around at the crowd not really making eye contact with anyone though. When he hit our table I shot him an encouraging smile and he met my gaze, smiling at me. I saw Alice and Ri give him little waves to which he smirked and then he started singing.

It was a beatifully written song that I took to be written about falling for someone. I may be totally off base here though because he said he wrote it kind of recently. Maybe he was writing it in memory of how he felt when him and Tanya first met.

When he was done, the applause was very loud. He definitely got more recognition than anyone that had played prior to him. He glanced around the crowd again and I saw him send a smile to Kate and her table and was instantly kind of pissed but got over it. Luckily, because he looked over at us again right after.

Next he played his 'sad song' about his tough times. I knew it was about Tanya and I felt horrible hearing about his pain. It was a moody, slow song and it was perfect. It was dripping with emotions and made me literally feel his suffering. Every time he repeated a key verse, it only got better and I felt more of what he was feeling. I found myself thinking that this was what I loved about music so much. I could get so damn lost in it that I felt whatever the singer was feeling. I felt a deep connection to them. I was so into it that it took me a moment to actually look up and see him singing. He looked so beatifully broken. Maybe he isn't as over Tanya as I assumed. He doesn't really talk about her anymore. No, I think he just is remembering his pain. He probably felt me studying him because before I knew it he was looking into my eyes and singing. I could see the pain in his eyes. I definitely need to talk to him and make sure he's okay after this. Even if he's just remembering it all, it's hard to go through it all again. It was like he was telling me that this is how he felt all those times we had discussed it, like this was a better way of explaining to me what he had tried to say before. How much pain he had felt.

Once again I was in awe at how amazing music could make you feel, but also how much it could bring you down.

_I want you to know_

_when i look in your eyes_

_with every blow_

_comes another lie_

_you think its alright_

_you think its alright_

_you think its alright_

_you think its alright_

_can't you feel the knife?_

_can't you feel the knife?_

_can't you feel the knife?_

_can't you feel the knife?_

He finished and smiled at the crowd as they cheered deafeningly loud for a coffee shop.

"Thanks for that guys. It's been a pleasure." He smiled and started to get up.

Several people shouted 'ONE MORE' and I saw him smirk shyly and glance around.

"Alright, I've got one more, but really that is all now," he said with a slight laugh. The crowd cheered, me included. He started singing again, and I knew it was another break up song. Stupid whore, how could you cheat on my friend like that? He was way too good to be treated like that.

_And there on the stairs,_

_Standing there,_

_Arm outstretched,_

_Point and glare._

_Watching the love,_

_Fall to our feet._

_Into the floor,_

_To disappear._

_We're finding fault,_

_When you kissed her._

_Or you slept with him,_

_Or you didn't care._

_Now it all breaks,_

_Disintegrates._

_Well this is the last,_

_Thing I'll take_

_'Cause I can't face you now._

_This is the end, there's nothing to keep._

_This is the end of you and me._

_As the ice comes down it's the end,_

_As the lies come out it's the end,_

_As the tears flow out it's the end,_

_It's the end of you and me._

_So we'll look out on the lake_

_And we see the white light._

_I said it was gold,_

_It should have been gold._

_Then maybe all the crazy things you said_

_Would have a meaning._

_But this thing, we have made,_

_It can't stop, it won't stop._

_'Cause I can't face you now._

_Take your troubles solo,_

_Take your troubles solo,_

_(The end of you and me)_

_[x2]_

_As the ice comes down it's the end,_

_As the lies come out it's the end,_

_As the tears come out it's the end,_

_The end of you and me. _

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Remember to review please!**


	8. Happy

A/N: I know it's been a long time since I wrote a chapter, but I have been living life, you know how it gets sometimes. Anyways, I am trying out this thing where the chapters are shorter and I update more frequently. If anyone is still interested in this, review! Please and thanks!

I don't own twilight or any charactors, but you already knew that. have a good day, or night. :)

**BPOV**

After the show, Alice decided we should head home because she was pretty tired and it was rather late. I wanted to wait on Edward, but didn't want to be obvious and say that so I followed her and Riley as we stopped by Edward's table where he sat with James and the sluts.

He looked up as we came up and smiled at us in a seemingly shy manner. When he met my gaze I couldn't hold back the huge smile that broke through.

"So what did you guys think?" he asked us, looking at me as he spoke.

My stomach flipped that he wanted to hear my opinion most, but I rationalized that that made sense because Alice had heard him play many times before and I was much closer to him than Riley was.

I heard Alice and Riley gush about how great it was and he turned to say thanks to them. I decided to speak up, and saw

his head turn back to me.

"It was really great Edward. I really liked your lyrics, they were so poetic." I blushed at my over the top explanation of why I liked his songs. He just smiled really big at me and I thought I saw a slight flush on his cheeks as we just looked at each other smiling or a moment. It was a very nice moment that someone just had to ruin.

I heard Alice snicker at my words and I quickly broke eye contact, embarrassed.

"Well, we are going to get out of here. I'm tired and Riley wants to head out as well. We just wanted to say good job and all that," Alice said before looking at me as if to say 'hurry up and get this over with, I wanna leave'.

I looked at Edward again and he was looking at Alice looking like he wanted to hurt her. That confused me, but then he looked to me as if waiting for me to say goodbye so I didn't stop to think about it too long.

"Yeah, well I guess I gotta go too, since I rode with Alice." I don't know why I felt the need to express my desire not to leave to him but I did. I was shocked Alice was being so crazy about wanting to leave but I had a feeling it had something to do with Riley and assumed he'd be going back to the Cullen's with us. This made me want to leave even less. I looked between the two of them and then back to Edward with a knowing look. He smirked at me.

"Well, if you want to stay Bella, you could always ride home with me," he said.

I looked at him, probably looking surprised. I hadn't expected him to offer me a ride home, and wasn't sure what to do. I had a brief moment of internal battle with myself before I decided that it wasn't wrong for me to hang around with my friend without Alice around. Because that's all he was, a friend. It was perfectly fine to hang out alone together. And besides we wouldn't be alone, James and the girls would be there too.

"Oh, well, Alice do you mind if I stay?" I answered before everyone thought I was mentally challanged for not responding for so long.

She looked at me curiously but said it was fine. She probably preferred to go home alone with Riley anyways, right?

I hugged Alice and Riley goodbye and stood akwardly in front of Edward before he finally took pity on me and jumped up and pulled another chair over to their table, patting it for me to sit down.

I sat down, suddenly nervous about my decision. I mean, I'm pretty positive Edward was just trying to be friendly by offering me a ride, why did I have to freak out so much and make this a huge deal for absolutely no reason?

I looked around the table and saw that everyone was looking at me. I freaked out slightly at the attention, hating it. Edward thankfully started some conversation about how great the coffee was here and I sunk a bit lower in my seat as I tried desperately not to feel so akward.

They all talked and I only spoke when Edward tried to bring me in the conversation by asking my opinion, but I kept my responses short, knowing no one cared what I said anyways. Victoria and Kate were being plain evil and James seemed oblivious to thier behavior but never treated me badly himself. Eventually, James announced that he was leaving, and Victoria jumped up with him seemingly ready to leave as well. Kate was looking at Edward like she wanted him to offer her a ride home or something, but he didn't do anything. He just said goodbye and smiled happily at all of them like he was oblivious. Maybe he was. Kate shot me another one of her evil glares and I sneered right back at her. I had had it with this girl. I could sit here with my friend if I wanted to and didn't need to get a guilt trip every damn time from her. Edward happened to see my look towards Kate and sent me a shocked look. I felt horrible when he looked to Kate and she was just smiling innocently at him. He probably thought I was being a bitch to his friends. Ahh! My stomach turned at the idea of him thinking badly of me.

They left and it was just us two now. He turned to me and looked like he was about to say something.

"Did Kate do something mean? I know she can be a bitch, and I didn't miss that look you shot her." He seemed concerned and I felt even worse.

I blushed, but decided to be honest. He deserved to know what she was really like if he was interested in her like I assumed he was.

"Yeah, she keeps shooting me evil looks whenever you talk to me or anything. I think she thinks something is going on between us and is jealous or something." I said, forcing an exasperated look like I thought she was crazy for thinking that. But I knew if I were in her shoes, I would think the same thing. She doesn't know I have a boyfriend and we kinda do flirt sometimes.

He looked at me for a few seconds before responding, and I couldn't really figure out what he was thinking. It drove me crazy sometimes that I couldn't understand him fully and I really wanted to.

"Well, she shouldn't be a bitch to you for being my friend," was all he said. I flashed him a quick smile and tried to change the subject.

"So, what do you want to do?" I asked.

"Hmm, I don't know. I was thinking we could just hang out here for a little while longer if that's okay with you," he said, looking at me like he was unsure of himself. This was new for us. We had never hung out alone like this in public, and it sort of had the feeling of being on a date or something. I was hoping we could get past this weirdness and back to the easy banter we had grown accostomed to the past week.

I smiled at him and nodded. "Sounds good." He seemed to regain his confidence with that and suddenly jumped up from the table. "I'll be right back with a surprise."

"Wait, what? What are you doing?"

He just turned back to me over his shoulder and smiled as he made his way to the counter.

He returned a couple minutes later with two cups in his hand. I looked at him like he was crazy, because honestly, this was the surprise? Coffee?

"It has Kahlua in it, not just coffee. Thought you deserved a drink after what Kate seemingly has been putting you through. I really am sorry about that. I guess I'll have to reasure her that you are my friend so she will back off and leave you alone."

He was looking at me for my reaction, I thought. Did he want to see how I felt about him telling Kate we were only friends? Did he want me to be jealous of her? Bella, you are a nut case, he is just looking at you in a normal manner, stop flipping out. I smiled at him and took a sip, choosing not to say anything and let him ponder what I was thinking if he really was wondering at all what I thought about that stuff even.

"Oh my goodness that is good," I exclaimed.

He threw back his head in laughter and I can't deny that I got slightly enchanted watching it. He is a great guy, I just can't help wanting to be around him.

We both sat and sipped our drinks, laughing way more than I have since I last hung out alone with him and just enjoying myself. I realized that for the first time in a while I was actually happy and I felt really great about that. He simply makes me very happy and I definitely need to be happy. It's been a rough couple of months for me.

After three more drinks, I was feeling happily buzzed and wanted to leave and do something awesome. That's how drunk Bella gets sometimes, adventurous. Edward had gone to use the restroom but I decided to express my desire for an adventure as soon as he returned. I was sitting there trying to figure out something cool we could do, when I saw Edward from across the room standing at the counter probably just paying his bill and got totally lost how adorable he was. It won't be long until he isn't single any longer and I won't get to hang out with him like this. I don't want to ever stop hanging out alone with him like this, I realized in that moment. When Jasper returns, it will be inappropriate for us to do this, what will I do then? I will just have to sacrifice that if being with Jasper is more important, right?

He finished paying and was making his way back to me, smiling when he saw me watching him. I forced a smile when all I wanted was to cry at the thought of not being able to be like this with him when the summer ended.

A/N: Next chapter will be Edward and Bella's drunken adventure. I'm sure that means lots of cute fluff for you guys so come back and see :)


	9. Wrong

**A/N:**

**So very sorry for the long wait. Hope you enjoy! **

_**This is wrong but**_

_**I can't help but feel like**_

_**There ain't nothing more out there.**_

_**Misty morning comes again and I can't**_

_**Help but wish I could see your face**_

_**And I knew from the first note played I'd be breaking all my rules to see you.**_

_**-Superstar, Taylor Swift**_

**BPOV**

"So, I guess we should get going now? It's getting fairly late," Edward says as he glances at me while putting his wallet in his back pocket.

My face scrunches up and he smirks at my expression, obviously reading my distaste at the idea of going home.

"Or, on second thought, you clearly have other thoughts on the matter and would prefer to stay out? But what should we do? I can't stand to be in this place much longer honestly." He trails off and rubs his chin, pondering the possibilities.

Once my brain is able to stop staring at his fingers on his face I come up with a brilliant idea.

I don't even notice until he smirks at me again that I am jumping slightly up and down in my chair in my excitement. My idea is probably really stupid but it sounds like fun to me.

"Ok, I can't wait to hear what you have to say," he says, smiling widely at me.

"Ok, well, we could go to a park and swing!" I say, realizing how stupid and juvenile I sound as soon as it comes out of my mouth. What can I say, this girl likes to swing.

He looks at me surprised for a second before breaking out in a huge smile yet again. Yay, I made him smile! Maybe he doesn't think my idea is completely retarded.

"Bella, you almost always shock me, you know that? You are something else..."

I wonder briefly if that is a good thing or not before deciding that it must be because he is smiling at me like I am making him happy and that makes me very happy.

"Well, lets go then!" I exclaim, jumping up and nearly knocking the table over in the process. My cheeks flame up and I feel embarassed for about two seconds before my tipsy brain decides to ignore what just happened if Edward is willing to. He seems to have decided just that because he doesn't even smirk at me like he usually does, instead he just grabs his jacket off the back of his chair and follows me out the door.

The car ride there is fairly uneventful, just me giving him directions to a small park that I'm certain he has never heard of before. I picked this location because there is nothing really surrounding it and since we are most likely going to have to sneak in, the likelyhood of us getting caught is slim to none.

He plays silly rap music to 'pump us up', he claims, and raps along with every word. I just look at him in wonder and try not to get caught staring too often. He catches me a couple times but I guess he just chalks it up to me watching him rap and laughs lightly in my direction.

When we pull up to the park, I notice the large fence surrounding the large walking path and, further down, the swingset and slides and such. In my drunken haze, I somehow forgot there was a big fence that we'd have to climb. I start to hesitate while walking towards it and Edward bumps into me from behind, his hands finding my waist to steady me immediately. I look up at him and he looks down at me briefly and his hands are still on my waist. Is this moment lasting as long as I think it is or am I imagining it?

Suddenly the moment is gone and I shake my head as Edward says something that I completely miss.

"Huh?" I ask stupidly.

"I said, do you need a boost?" He is standing in front of the fence looking up, seemingly surveying the work we will have to do to climb it.

I'm pretty good at climbing fences but in my state I can't be sure I will be safe so I decide to take him up on his offer.

I walk up to him and nudge his arm, indicating that I would indeed like a lift. He grins at me and leans down slightly, allowing me to put my foot into his hands and he guides me gently up, making sure to hold me up when I start to wobble. I may have pretended to be having more difficulty than was reality, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Besides, I kind of got the feeling that he wanted to touch me a little bit too. God, I must be drunk thinking that this gorgeous guy would want to touch me.

Once on the other side I taunt him a little bit. "C'mon Edward, that was easy. What's taking you so long?"

He shoots me a dirty look before easily scaling the fence and landing beside me like a graceful cat.

"Easy peasy," he says, sticking his tongue out at me. My stomach does that butterfly thing again and I put my arms around myself, trying to make it go away. I really can't be feeling like this towards my new friend Edward. It's so wrong, yet I can't remember the last time anything felt so right as this moment being with him does right now.

"Well, lead the way princess Bella."

I stare at him questioningly and he just gives me his usual smirk, no explanation of the princess comment.

I give up and start walking down the trail and go for a bit before I feel weird with him walking behind me and turn around to make him come walk beside me instead. But when I turn around I see nothing but blackness and my stomach once again gets butterflies, this time not the good kind.

All of a sudden something shoots out of the trees to my right and I nearly loose it and scream but I have better sense than to scream while sneaking into a park. Besides, part of me knows it's just Edward trying to freak me out, at least I freaking hope.

Edward tackles me to the ground and I immediately start hitting him and yelling in a whisper voice threatening comments. He ends up flat on his back with me beside him kneeling over him.

"How dare you do that Mr. Cullen. I should just..." I trail off, trying to think of something creative to do to him.

He smirks at me, waiting for my awesome remark. "You should just..."

I hit him again gently for talking back. "I should just...tickle you to death." I begin to do as I threatened but stop short when he instead flips me over and starts tickling me. The punk.

I am squeeling, surely making far too much noise and he just keeps on going, ignoring my pleas for him to stop. I try and retaliate but it gets me nowhere.

One minute we are tickling each other and I am trying to pretend that I am not ticklish anywhere, wanting him to keep touching me, keep trying to figure out where my spot is. The next second, he is hovering over me and time stands still. His perfect hair falls over his eyes, yet I can still see the way he is looking at me. We both pause and just look at each other in silence, and I dont want this moment to end. It feels more real than any moment we have ever shared. I can imagine many more moments such as these, the possiblilities, because in his eyes he is sharing with me something that maybe he hadn't intended is no pretending in this moment. In this moment, all of his pretenses fall and I see him, really see him. I feel him lower slightly over me and I feel butterflies in my stomach again. My heart starts to pound, and then he is touching my face and the moment still feels so very intimate. So intimate that when my phone buzzes, he jumps up so fast that I swear he probably has whiplash and I lay there frozen for a couple seconds before reaching for my phone in my jacket pocket.

_Hey girl, you home yet?_

A simple question, yet it sends my heart into a frenzy. What the hell would Jasper think if he knew what had just happened. Had anything even been about to happen? It certainly felt like it. I look over at Edward and he is nervously pulling at his hair like he does often. I feel certain that he knows the text is from Jasper and would love to know what he is thinking in this moment.

_**Author's Note**_

_**Please leave me a comment in reviews! Thanks for reading.**_


	10. It's Only Life

_**"Died in the world, you've been cornered by a natural desire**_

_**You want to hop along with the giddy throng through life**_

_**But how will you learn to steer when you're grinding all your gears?**_

_**You've been talking for hours**_

_**You say time will wash every tower to the sea**_

_**And now you've got this worry in your heart**_

_**Well I guess it's only life, it's only natural**_

_**We all spend a little while going down the rabbit hole"**_

_**-It's Only Life, The shins**_

**Disclaimer: The characters and Twilight definitely are not my creations. Silly you...**

**EPOV**

This is the moment that I hoped wouldn't happen. The moment where I almost lose control of myself and try to kiss my good friend Bella. I am such an idiot.

One second I am teasing and flirting with her, which is inappropriate in itself but inevitable with the two of us it seems, and the next second I am on the ground hovering over her and about to freaking kiss the girl.

I could feel the sexual tension rolling off of the two of us in waves as we stared into each other's eyes and I couldn't help it, I brought my hand down to touch her delicate blushing cheek. Her eyes in that moment will be burned into my memory forever, I can gaurentee that much. They were so intense, no, they were on fire. I felt so much inside at that moment and like the idiot I am I wanted to express my desire for her so badly that I was about to kiss her before that damn cell beeped in her jacket pocket.

I had jumped up so fast in my panic at how far I had taken this. What if I had kissed her? She probably would have freaked out on me and slapped me. No, I was pretty positive that she felt just as much as I had in that moment. The look in her eyes told me that she at least found me desireable enough that she would have kissed me back. She was tipsy though so that doesn't really mean anything.

I am so damn selfish. Here I am thinking about if Bella would have kissed me back or not had I gone through with it and what I really should be thinking about is Jasper and how wrong that would have been. I am such an asshole. I've never tried to get with a girl that was in a relationship before, but I just can't deny how badly I want Bella right now. She's just so seemingly perfect.

I stopped my incessant thinking and turned to see Bella was still sitting on the ground just staring at her cell phone with a blank expression. I was one hundred percent certain that the text had been from Jasper and seeing her reaction right now confirmed this. She looked kind of horrified at what had almost happened and I decided immediately that I needed to blow this over and try to change the mood as fast as possible. Maybe if I act like what had been about to happen hadn't really been the way it seemed she could convince herself that it really had been innocent.

I turned shakily to her and started walking back to her. I had a feeling she was waiting to take cues from me on how she should act right now so I was going to act as calm and blase as I could possibly be.

I reached my hand out to help her up from the ground and she stared at it for a second, her eyes looking conflicted and very confused. Eventually though, she took my offer and allowed me to assist her off the ground. She met my gaze hesitantly and I gave her a half smile, not able to quite muster a full one. She matched it but averted eye contact right after as we started silently walking back in the direction we had come from.

To say this moment was akward would be putting it mildly. How can I fix this? I've already gone and ruined the best relationship/friendship I've had in years in a matter of three days.

**BPOV**

I sat frozen in my spot on the ground where Edward had left me, trying to figure out what to do. If I wasn't crazy then Edward had been this close to kissing me. I felt so guilty immediately when I saw Jasper's text that I didn't even have time to figure out how Edward was feeling at the moment.

He had obviously let his buzz get to his head if he had been wanting to kiss me, because why else would he want to kiss me? I know he doesn't feel toward me any of this stupid crush that I feel. But maybe I'm wrong, because we had shared something in that moment before getting interrupted.

I am trying to figure out what to write back to Jasper and what to do with these stupid feelings when I realize Edward is standing directly in front of me and reaching his hand out to help me up.

I stare at him for a second before allowing him to help me up and he gives me a weak smile which I return before akwardly turning my head. I feel really weird right now because I am not quite sure what had just happened and I am quite possibly having the world's worst overreaction yet again. I'll just see how he acts and play along, I decide.

"So, uh, who was that from? Alice wondering where we are?" Edward asks me.

So he is just going to jump right back to acting normally? Cool, so maybe I was wrong and nothing had been actually about to happen. That is good, right? Then why did my stomach drop at that thought?

"Actually, it was Jasper," I manage.

I look at him at that moment. His hands are both occupied, one in his hair raking nervously or maybe just casually?, the other stuffed in his pocket. He is looking at the ground, not at me so I take a second to study him for his reaction. He looks like he is trying to hide what he's thinking though so I figure he feels me watching. He looks at me and I can't help but flush a fiery red from head to toe. No, I feel quite certain I didn't imagine the 'almost kiss'. The way he is looking at me in despair gave me my answer. I will have to examine further how I feel about this later. Right now I need to repair this fracture that has just cracked our friendship. I need to tell him that while it was wrong what had just happened, I didn't want it to ruin what we had, the closeness we shared as friends. Before I had the opportunity though he speaks to me in his velvety voice, pouring ice down my back.

"Bella, listen. I'm sorry I took things a little too far with the tickling and shit. I just got carried away with the buzz and all. I know it wasn't appropriate and I would feel horrible if Jasper knew what happened but it didn't mean anything okay? I was just caught in a silly little moment. I don't want things to be weird or anything," he spilled, all in one breath.

My heart started hammering and my stomach fell to the ground. 'It didn't mean anything'. Okay, well that's good, it really is. I can't have it mean anything anyways. I can't deny that I am hurt though. I shake my head and shove all those thoughts deep down for further disection later tonight when I am alone.

"Um, yeah, I know it didn't mean anything. It was just the buzz, I know. No worries."

I decide to show him I'm not worrying about it at all by shoving past him and running full force towards the swings. It would be weird if we just left and went home after that so I decide to pretend everything is still awesome and that I want to still be here when I want nothing more than to go home and hyperventilate.

When I land on the swing I land too hard and find myself falling hard onto the ground. My butt lands with a plop on the dirt and it stings and I allow myself to feel the pain and let it represent my emotions right now and wallow in it for the brief time I have before Edward is in front of me looking concerned. I feel a prick behind my eyes, the feeling of wanting to let a tear escape. It really does hurt! I'm sure I'll have a nasty bruise on my ass for a while, not that anyone but me will see it. I look up at him and seeing how concerned he looks makes me laugh immediately.

He looks shocked at first then just laughs with me as he shakes his head softly back and forth as if he just can't quite believe me. And just like that the akwardness and heaviness is gone between us.

He helps me up yet again and then we both start swinging.

I am laughing with all of my heart and we are just looking at each other as we swing, higher and higher with each pump of our legs. It's almost like we are having another moment but I know now for sure it is one sided. I allow myself to pretend it isn't for a moment and feel guilty because of it.

While I no longer feel wrong hanging out with Edward alone because I know he'd never try to make a move on me again because he doesn't feel that way towards me, I still feel guilty because I know how I feel and I know Jasper would die if he knew what I was thinking when I look at Edward. Maybe I should end things with Jasper because I don't see these feelings going away. I decide again to mull it over at home, when I am alone with my thoughts.

We have a competition of who can swing the highest and I clearly win, because I am smaller and a swinging advocate of course. He jumps off and taunts me to do the same but I have an intense fear of falling and there is no way in hell that is going to happen.

"C'mon Bella just jump. If it seems like your'e going to fall I'll catch you.

I shake my head sharply and try to slow my swing by dragging my feet into the dirt. I finally come to a stop and he stands waiting for me to join him. I yawn heavily as I walk towards him and he puts his arm around me in a friendly manner. I decide to allow him to do so because it feels nice and I know it means nothing to him anyways.

"I think it's time we get sleepy Bella home to bed," Edward said, grinning at me obviously amused at how sleep I suddenly looked.

"You're like a child Bella, you run around playing and then crash immediately after."

I shot him a dirty look, not having the energy to manage anything in retort.

The car ride back was short, for me at least. I fell asleep as soon as we got in the car and only woke up because he shook me gently upon our arrival.

"Should I leave you in the car to sleep Bella?" he teased me.

I again shot him a look before stumbling my way to the door and blindly moving up the stairs with him right behind me. I fell, inevitably, causing him to fall on top of me practically but he just straightened me and let me go immediately after. I made it to my door and turned to say goodnight to him. I looked up and hadn't realized how close he was standing and immediately felt butterflies swarm at his proximity to me.

He stood there for a second then grabbed my hand and squeezed it then dropped it almost as quickly as he had taken it. He seemed unsure of himself as he whispered goodnight and then mumbled something else under his breath which I didn't catch. "I had fun tonight Bella, hope you did too," he whispered. I felt his breath on my face and got a bit winded trying to remember to breath. He didn't wait for a response from me and turned away and made his way in a fast manner to his room, shutting the door behind him.

Hmm, that was strange, I thought. I went into my room, sinking onto the bed without bothering to change. I fell asleep fairly quickly considering I was mentally freaking out about everything inside.

When I woke up the next morning I lay in bed for a couple hours mulling it all over in my head. After a lot of consideration I decided to give it two more weeks to see if I could get over Edward and if by that point I still had these intense feelings for him, I'd have to break up with Jasper because it really wasn't fair to him. I really hoped I could do this, get over Edward I mean. I didn't want to throw away everything that I have with Jasper just because I have stupid unrequited feelings towards Edward. It was stupid and I really needed to have that drilled into my head somehow. I would find a way to get over him. Maybe I should start by easing out of hanging out alone with him, though the thought made it hard to breathe. Maybe I can get a tattoo on my forehead that says 'stop being stupid Bella' so that everytime I see my reflection I know to stop being such a stupid idiot and get over this thing.

Whatever it took, I knew one thing. It needed to happen.

This was going to be a long two weeks, but I felt almost relieved that by the end of that time period I could stop feeling so guilty of my feelings for Edward or I could be over him and happy again with Jazz.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Sorry for the long delay yet again. Can't make any promises but hopefully the next chapter will be out soon. Good exciting things are coming soon. Please, pretty please leave me a review. I put a lot of effort into this and want your feedback :)**


	11. Trouble

A/N: Sorry it has been so long. This chapter is extra long to make up for it. Review?

**Chapter 11**

**BPOV**

It had been a week since Edward and I had spent that amazing yet awakening night at the park. I can't pretend that it hasn't been akward at all, because it has. Not in a way anyone notices but the two of us. We have hung out in groups with everyone else of course, but the two of us haven't even so much as been alone in the same room once since the 'incident', as I've started referring to it as to myself. Even one night when it was just Alice, Edward and me in the living room watching a movie and Alice had to go to the restroom, Edward immediately jumped up and went to the kitchen, claiming he needed a new beer.

I thought I was maybe being paranoid and Edward was just really needing a new beer coincidentally at the same time Alice got up and maybe he had just been really busy with writing new music and that was the reason he chose so often recently to shut himself up in his room rather than spend time with Alice and I as we had spent the past couple weeks doing. I missed him, because while I still saw him every day, we hadn't talked like we usually did, and the flirting was pretty much non-exisistent when before it was a consistent presence in our everyday interactions. I had barely spoken to Jasper either this past week. The only time I really do is when he texts me first. I'm trying to spend as much time alone as possible to determine my feelings for both boys, but I really haven't gotten that far along in terms of figuring myself out. I have a week left until I make my decision though, so I find comfort in that.

I was just sitting on my bed, flipping mindlessly through a stupid old Cosmo magazine that Alice had left in here last night trying to figure everything out when I heard a knock on my door.

I didn't even look up when I told whoever it was to just come in, assuming that obviously it was going to be Alice because lately Edward just doesn't come knocking at my door.

I only bothered looking up when Alice didn't immediately jump on my bed right after entering like she usually does. To my shock it was Edward standing in my doorway, looking just beautiful in a pair of fitted jeans and a simple white v-neck shirt. His hair was absolutely a mess and his hand was in it, which only made me look at it even longer than I usually would have.

"Um, hey Edward, what's up?" I asked anxiously. I immediately looked down and tried to remember what I was wearing and if I looked decent right now. I hadn't changed since waking up three hours ago so I was still in my super short sleep shorts and a long sleeve navy shirt and to my horror I realized I wasn't wearing a bra. I blushed and hoped to all that is holy that he wouldn't notice.

Of course, right when I look back up at him I see him glancing at my legs and see his eyes begin to wonder up. Before he could look at my bra-less chest I clear my throat and he meets my eyes again, not looking embarassed at all.

"Bella, how's it going?" he asks. I sit there staring at him wondering what the hell this is right now. Why did he come in here, did he really just want to say hey?

"Um, it's going alright. Just reading this stupid magazine Alice left in here. Uh, how's it going for you?" I reply. I try in vain to pull my shorts down lower because I see him look at my legs again.

He walks over and sits beside me on the bed, folding his legs to match my position opposite me. We are a good three feet from each other so why does my heart rate accelerate so crazily?

Rather than answer me, he just stares at me for a good two minutes and I stare back, unable to look away and feeling spellbound yet thoroughly confused as to what is happening right now.

"You look really adorable when you're trying to figure out what I'm thinking," he says, smirking at me.

I just continue to stare at him blankly, but my chest does funny things when he says that I'm adorable.

He still just stares at me, then he squeezes my hand and gets up.

"Get dressed, we are hanging out today," he says, turning back to me before walking abruptly out the door. I am left sitting there in complete shock, heart pounding out of control. What the hell was that?

I stay sitting for a couple minutes before going into my bathroom and staring at my reflection in the mirror. I look really confused. I splash cold water on my face and hurriedly throw some mascara and a clear lip gloss on my lips before running a brush through my crazy slept-in hair. I get it tamed for the most part and it runs halfway down my back and looks pretty, I think to myself. I love my long hair and wouldn't ever cut it. I stare at myself once more before leaving the bathroom, telling myself to chill out. I am just going to hang out with my friend Edward that I haven't really talked to since 'the incident'. No big deal. Why did he make it so weird though, and why the hell does it feel like I'm getting ready for a date?

Maybe he's just trying to ease the tension that so obviously still exists between us. I think the most likely explanation is that I'm simply reading into this shit far too much.

I throw on my skinny jeans that are lying in the chair from the laundry I did yesterday and decide simple is best and go for my The Shins tee and red converse sneakers to match the lettering on the tee.

I grab a jacket and walk out of my room, trying really hard to leave my thoughts at the door and just have fun today. I won't allow myself to overanalyze anything.

I made my way down the hall and was suddenly face to face with Alice, who popped up out of nowhere seemingly.

"Hey Bells, you look grungy cute. What are you doing? You look like you're headed out, where are we going?" she asked in her usual chipper voice. How she was so awake before noon would never cease to amaze me.

I tried to make my face look as normal as possible and not show any kind of emotion or extra thought as I replied, my hand reaching in my hair as a nervous distraction. "Um, well, Edward asked if I wanted to hang out today. Not sure what he had planned. He didn't really tell me."

I wonder what he has planned, actually. I didn't even stop to think about it, simply too excited at the thought of actually spending some time alone with him finally again. I instantly felt the familiar feelings of guilt that I always felt after admitting these feelings to myself. This is just my way of figuring out once and for all how I feel about him, I told myself. I've had my time away from him and now after that little break, I need to know if all of the feelings and chemistry I had felt were real or just stupid alcohol induced lust.

I had been lost in my thoughts too long, as I often find myself. I see Alice staring at me like I've lost my damn mind and she had obviously been speaking to me.

"Earth to Bella, is anyone home in there?" she asked, tapping her foot impatiently. I rolled my eyes and just waited for her to repeat herself.

She had a gleam in her eyes when she asked me what she had already asked. It was like she was up to something, but the question she asked was really quite simple and straightforward. "So I guess we better go find Edward and see what he has planned for us today then huh?" she said, looking at me. Even though I usually am unable to understand her hidden agendas, I immediately knew that she was waiting for my reaction to her including herself in Edward and I's plans. So she wasn't as in the dark as I thought. I should have assumed as much. That girl knew Edward and I more than we knew ourselves. I guess she had to have noticed the weird tension between us lately after that night.

Well, two can play that game, I thought to myself. I smirked at her and played along as best as I knew how. I wasn't one for games usually, but after befriending Alice I was becoming quite skilled at it. "Yeah, let's go ask him," I say, looking at her then leading the way down the stairs. I swear I hear her mutter 'touche', but can't be certain. Either way, once my back is turned I smile to myself for playing it cool.

I reach the bottom of the stairs with Alice hot on my trail. We end up entering the kitchen at exactly the same moment, both seeming to want to say something to Edward first. I am going to win this time, I repeat over and over until I have myself convinced it may be true. No one can beat Alice Cullen though.

"Edward, Bella was just telling me that you have something fun planned for us all today?"

I look at Edward slightly horrified. This little playing it cool thing is about to backfire in a big way. I feel suddenly like one of Blair Waldorf's minions on the show Gossip Girl. As soon as any of her minions believe they might actually one up Blair, she finds a way to stomp them under her 5" stilettos.

I wrack my brain for some way to get out of this so that Edward doesn't think I don't want to spend time alone with him and recruited Alice or something stupid. I see Edward looking at me and before he can hide it I see a slightly hurt look on his face. Or so I think I do. Maybe not. He covers it almost immediately as always and he's about to speak when I blurt out the first thing I can think of to get Alice the fuck away from us right now.

"Actually Alice..." I start, and then panic because I have no idea what to say. Edward meets my eyes and at that moment I know he knows what I really want, a day alone with him. All of his confidence comes flooding back to him and he cuts me off.

"Alice, Bella and I are hanging out alone today. See, I promised her a long time ago I would take her to see the Sub Pop Records headquarters. Today seemed like a good day to take her since it's not actually raining out, you see," he finished.

I was practically radiating light, that is how happy I felt in that moment. Edward hadn't actually ever promised me anything of the sort, but we had talked about wanting to go there someday and how freaking cool it would be. I mean, Sub Pop Records boasted artists like Nirvana, The Postal Service, and the Shins.

When I remembered that I was still in the presence of Alice and Edward, I turned to Alice to see her studying me. She looked deviously happy so I knew I'd played right into her game. She had been trying to figure out if I wanted to be alone with Edward, and I think my stupid lala land reaction to Edward's idea definitely confirmed it.

"Well, who am I to stand in the way of a promise between you guys," she said. Then she simply twirled around and skipped out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts and Edward.

"Your shirt was inspiration for my idea," he said quietly. I looked up and he was much closer than he had been a moment ago. Still, it didn't feel close enough.

I smiled at him and blushed for some god unknown reason. Just being near him made me turn scarlet. I hate my genes.

"Are we really going there?" I asked, looking at him with hope.

"Well, when I asked you to hang out I honestly didn't have any idea what to do, and now seeing you so excited for my made up plan, it seems it's decided. Off to Seattle we go, if you're up for the drive?"

"And of course, it's just a building. But I'd love to just see where all these music greats meet and record their amazing music, wouldn't you?" he continued. "We could get lunch on the road and find weird little places along the way, make a day of it?"

He looked unsure of his ideas but I was just finding it more and more appealing. "That sounds amazing," I gushed, smiling so hard it almost hurt. Maybe I should try the playing it cool thing with Edward too. Maybe I really shouldn't be so obvious about how happy he made me always. I hate games though, no way.

It was about noon when we took off, nothing but sunglasses and my purse and his guitar in the car with us. The trip was supposed to take around three and a half hours, but with Edward's driving, I am positive we'd reach Seattle before 3pm. We were both smiling as we pulled out of the driveway and I instantly took his Ipod from his hands, declaring that I was going to make the best playlist humanly possible for our roadtrip.

I played song after song and he seemed to enjoy almost all of them, or at least pretended to. We laughed and shared opinions on the music the entire time there, and before I knew it we were passing the signs welcoming us to Seattle.

I screamed an Alice worthy scream when I realized this and Edward almost ran off the road in shock.

"What the hell Bella?" he yelled.

"Sorry, but we are in Seattle!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me in what seemed like awe and just smiled this smile that made my insides turn to goo as he shook his head at me.

We turned off the exit and made our way towards the headquarters. When we got there, it turned out to not be that exciting, but we parked anyways and wondered to the front. There was a plaque near the door bragging about all of the amazing bands that had recorded with Sub Pop and we studied that for a while, joking and laughing all the way. We made sure to never stand too close or cross any lines, though I felt the entire time that we were both holding back. At least I was.

"So Bella, how does it feel to stand on the same ground that James Mercer has stood on?" he asked as we started to walk across the street where he had parked his car.

"Well Edward, I have to admit, it felt pretty freaking awesome. Not as awesome as this day has been though," I admitted. I started blushing right away but hid it behind my hair. He may have seen anyways, but I wouldn't know.

We walked in a really comfortable silence the rest of the way to the car. When we got there, he opened my door for me and everything seemed suddenly different, though I refused to act like it was because what if it was all in my head? I really don't think it was though. I think he was as happy as I was to be spending time together today.

With shaking hands I carefully put my seatbelt on, quietly freaking out because I just didn't know what to think. I so obviously had a crazy mad crush on Edward and he made me feel so alive, but then there was Jasper. I quickly pushed all thoughts of Jasper out of my brain. If I was going to give Edward a fair chance then I had to push aside the guilt and decide how I felt without that effecting it.

I looked over as Edward sat in the driver's seat and I smiled at him, all guilt pushed to the side. He smiled back and I swear he seemed a little smug. God damn Edward Cullen.

"So, I just realized that we haven't eaten at all today, at least I haven't," I exclaimed.

It was true, I had filled our entire way here with excitement about getting to our destination. I hadn't even registered my hunger that was now demanding attention.

He turned to me with a knowing smile. Apparently he had known exactly what I was thinking. "Don't worry Bella, I already have a solution for that problem. I hope you can manage to wait a little bit longer though, because it is about two hours away still."

"I think I can manage, though I am dying of hunger," I say dramatically.

"Oh, I think you've lasted longer on hunger than this before," he replied, smirking to himself. I somehow know that he isn't being literal when he said this. I feel a bit tingly inside but push it aside. Just the thought of being with him that way makes me feel all...ahh! I simply cannot think that way.

I decide to be a smart ass as is typical of me. "Of course I have. I have no problem waiting as long as I feel need be."

I refuse to look at his reaction but in my peripheral I see him smirk and shake his head, exactly what I assumed he'd do.

So on we went, driving in a peaceful quiet for about and hour and a half. I was looking out of my window, trying to find something interesting to say when it happened. I felt a big boom and suddenly we were barely moving down the road. I knew right away that it was more than that we had blown a tire.

"Shit!" Edward yelled, veering his car towards the shoulder of the highway. I quickly looked around and noticed that we were near an exit but not one I recognized. And we were definitely too far away from Forks to call anyone we knew and expect them to just come help us right away.

I looked over at Edward, who seemed a little panicked but mostly like he felt he had things under control. He turned to me then and I tried to have a reassuring look on my face.

"Do you know anything about cars Edward?" I asked.

He looked at me and I knew that he didn't.

"Bella, don't worry. I'll call Alice and she'll come get us. It'll be fine."

I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. It was already well after 6pm. I hadn't realized it was this late.

He was already on the phone before I knew it. Alice picked up after only one ring but I couldn't make out what she was saying. Edward explained the problem but his end of the conversation didn't sound promising. He hung up and sighed, his hands covering his face.

"Well, what'd she say Edward? Is she coming to get us?" I wondered. Somehow I wasn't really worried at all. If anything I was a little happy that we were getting to spend more time together, as short lived as it may turn out to be.

"Um, Alice is apparently intoxicated already with Riley. We are on our own here."

I giggled before placing my arm on his in what I hoped was a calming manner.

"Don't stress Edward. I can call my dad, I'm sure he'd come get us immediately."

I saw panic in his eyes then and I think I understood. Edward was scared of Charlie, as he should be. I mean, the man owned a gun. And that is when I remembered that I had told Charlie that Edward was out of town as a convenience to allow him to let me stay at Alice's since she was 'all alone'.

"Um, shit. Guess that won't work, huh?"

"Don't worry Bells, I've got this," he said, pulling out his phone with a smirk.

I heard him ask for a cab and wondered what his plan was. "So, uh my only plan right now is that we take this taxi and hope that there is an auto body shop that is open after..." He glances at the time, which surprisingly was way later than I had thought. "...6:45pm." He looked about as doubtful as I felt. Every auto body shop I'd ever been to closed at 5pm.

"Yeah, I'm sure there is one open somewhere," I said, sounding completely unsure. I pulled out my phone and searched for the nearest auto body shop. There were three options within a 30 mile radius and all three were now closed.

I looked up at him and he gave me a hopeful smile. "Sorry to break it to you Edward, but we seem to be out of options. What are we going to do now?" I asked, almost more to myself.

"Well, we can't call your dad because he thinks that I am out of town, which technically I now am, but he may kill me if he finds out I've been staying under the same roof as his daughter all this time getting her drunk and even sleeping in her bed that one time," he teased. I blushed about fifty shades of red, but managed to punch him lightly in response.

I can't believe he brought that up. I looked over at him curiously. He was looking down at his lap with a small smile on his face, seemingly lost in thought. I wonder if he is reminiscing about that night too. Before we can say anything else, the taxi pulls up behind us. I nudge Edward to tell him and he jumps out of the car before I even have time to think.

He is at my door and opening it for me like some kind of movie or something. I stare at him in surprise but he just smiles his crooked grin and holds his hand out to me. "Grab your purse and make sure nothing valuable is left in sight in the car? I'm going to go talk to the cab driver real fast," he says. I oblige, looking quickly around the car and finding nothing of value before grabbing my bag. I step out into the warm summer night air and breathe it in. This night seems surreal somehow and I don't really want it to end.

I saw Edward speaking to the man in the driver's seat and wondered where he was planning on telling him to take us. I mean, it was too far to take a taxi all the way back to Forks, especially since his car would be stranded here. It just didn't make sense.

I walked slowly up to them, hoping I could overhear the plan but it seemed to be wrapping up by the time I got in earshot.

"Thank you sir, I'll go call the tow truck and have them drop the car off at the shop and then we will be on our way. I appreciate your help," Edward said kindly to the man.

He looked up and saw me watching and smiled as he made his way over. God damn how his eyes looked super green when the sun was shining in them. He was walking with the sunset behind him and the backdrop of pinks and oranges twirling the sky was almost as jaw dropping as the man walking towards me.

"So, what's the plan Stan?" I joked. He grinned and ran a hand through his hair, seeming nervous suddenly.

I narrowed my eyes slightly as I studied him, trying to figure out why the sudden change in demeaner. "Um, well, it makes the most sense to have my car towed to the closest shop, which luckily is right off this exit right here," he said pointing towards the sign about a quarter mile up the road. I nodded, agreeing. "And uh, well, maybe stay at a hotel tonight and hopefully the car will be ready not to late tomorrow morning?" he asked questioningly.

I immediately knew why he was uneasy about this given our history. He thought I was going to freak out and honestly, I kind of was.

Because nothing sounded more perfect right now than spending the night with Edward, alone in a room with a bed in a strange city, far away from any distractions. Looking at how beatiful he looked made it even more enticing. But Jasper. Nothing could happen. This may just be the hardest night of my entire life. I have to pretend for both of us that I have no issues staying with my buddy Edward for the night. I have to play this off perfectly or the chances of us ever staying friends will be diminished.

I must have shown my slight panic in my eyes because Edward looked like he regretted his words. His hand was running through his hair like a crazy person and he was staring at some point past me with a confused look on his face.

I reached out and touched his arm. "That sounds like a plan," I said, slightly shaky with the delivery but I pulled it off nonetheless. I didn't want to ruin our day together but I needed to set a boundary, even though I knew Edward didn't want me that way and wouldn't try anything, but in case he got caught in the mood of things or something I needed to show that I was still a taken woman.

I pulled out my phone and held it up. "Um, let me just call Jasper and let him know I'm stuck out here before we get going."

I turned around quickly, and felt guilty right away about this for some reason. It's not like he likes me and would be hurt by this so why was I freaking out inside. He knew I had Jasper and it makes perfect sense I would want to call him right now. I glanced behind me and Edward was looking at me walking away. If I didn't remember what he had told me a week ago about our almost kiss meaning nothing and how he wanted to be friends only, I would have sworn that he looked crushed. I must be misinterpreting his expression though because he isn't crushed. Why would he be crushed about his friend calling her boyfriend?

I quickly turned back around but not before Edward changed his expression to one closely resembling frustration and anger as he turned away first. I held my phone to my chest, shaking slightly and trying to determine what the hell was happening here. Had Edward lied to me about how he felt? I mean, neither of us really had expressed how we felt, only that the almost kiss meant nothing.

I walked a few more steps to a big rock jutting out of the grass and sat on it. I had no real intention of calling Jasper. We had barely spoken all week. Neither of us seemed willing to make the effort lately and while that kind of hurt, I can't pretend I haven't been preoccupied in trying to shut off my feelings for this infuriatingly sexy man that I was apparently spending the night with tonight. Alone.

I held the phone up to my ear, hearing the ringing, but the person I was calling wasn't Jasper. It was Rose.

I got her voicemail and was happy for the fact. I hadn't really wanted to talk to her yet, but needed a one sided way to get all of this off my chest.

I quickly explained everything that had happened, even my wondering if Edward maybe did have feelings for me after all, even though I highly doubted that was true.

I decided that I was going to put aside all of these thoughts and have fun with Edward and see what happened and maybe gauge his feelings from how tonight turned out. I would feel no guilt, or at least push aside the guilt so that I could also determine if I really wanted to try for Edward or if it was all just a nice vacation from Jasper.

I hung up and hurried back over to Edward and the cab. He was leaning against the door staring at the sunset and I felt like he didn't even realize I was standing right next to him until I nudged his arm.

He looked at me, still with what I thought seemed like a bit of sadness left in those green emeralds of his. "How was your conversation with Jasper? Did he approve of your buddy Edward staying at a hotel with his girlfriend?" he asked, distaste rolling off his tongue. "I hope he knows he has nothing to worry about, I told him I'd take care of you, and that's what I'm doing right?" he asked. He didn't wait for my answer before opening the cab door for me and waving his arm for me to get in ahead of him. I stared at him, determined to change the attitude of tonight before I got in.

"Is something making you angry Edward? I understand your frustration that your car broke down but no need to take it out on me okay?" I looked at him but he just stared into my eyes with no emotions. I decided to be honest and tell him the truth, hoping maybe I'd see truth in his response. "And I didn't call Jasper. I called Rose but just got her voicemail."

I held his eye contact for a split second longer and saw an immediate change to his demeaner. His eyebrows rose in shock and there in his eyes I saw what I had hoped I'd see. A glimmer of hope. I don't think I'm crazy after all, I think Edward really may have feelings for me. Or maybe I was batshit crazy because I probably just imagined that My stomach filled with butterflies and I quickly broke my gaze and got into the cab.

Edward stood there for a couple seconds longer and then got in the cab with me.

He didn't look at me yet, just tapped the seat to notify the driver that we were ready to leave.

We drove in silence for another minute or two before he turned to me and asked me the one question I'd really hoped he wouldn't ask me.

"Why didn't you call Jasper?" I looked away from his gaze, which was full of all kinds of questions.

I stared at my lap and fumbled with my phone searching for an answer that wouldn't be totally obvious as to how I felt, just in case I was wrong about his feelings. "I don't-," but I was cut off by the taxi driver informing us that we were at the hotel. I looked out the window and sure enough we were. I guess we had both been so lost in thought we hadn't noticed.

Saved by the taxi driver! I refused to look at Edward and hurried to search my pocket for some money. Edward pushed my hand away from my wallet though before I could even try.

"I got it," he said sharply.

"Are you sure?" I asked. I hated that he was having to pay it all by himself when I knew he'd have to pay for the car damage too.

He mumbled some kind of mhmm and I followed his lead out of the car. I wondered if he was going to try and bring it up again and I really hoped not.

I followed him into the hotel lobby and he walked quickly to the desk. "Hi, I'd like to get a room for the night please."

"Certainly sir. We actually only have a couple left available, all are single king beds. I hope that won't be a problem?" the concierge said, smiling brightly at Edward.

I saw him stiffen and put my hand on his arm and spoke for him. "That's fine sir. Thank you." I mumbled.

Edward didn't look at me, but I wasn't looking at him either. This would be fine. I would just sleep on one of those chairs or something, It'd be okay.

We were handed our key and I started walking to the elevator ahead of him. He was really stressing out about the car geez. He needed to calm the hell down. Or maybe it was Jasper he was freaking out about.

I pushed the up button and felt him walk up beside me. I glanced at him and he smiled a half smile at me. I punched his arm, trying to lighten his mood. "Will you lighten up dude. You're making me nauseous."

That got his whole smile. "Sorry Bells. I just don't want to step on anyone's toes here. When you mentioned you were calling Jasper, I remembered that maybe it would be inappropriate for us to be alone in a hotel together, especially the same bed. I know we've done it before but I felt really bad last time. I know it doesn't mean anything but, well, you know."

I felt like I was kicked in the stomach. I knew I was crazy, because there he goes again with 'it doesn't mean anything'. I guess I didn't really see what I thought I saw in his eyes earlier. Then why did he ask why I didn't call Jasper?

God damnit Bella, stop talking to yourself and just answer the man. He was probably just curious, who wouldn't ask that question?

"Yeah, I get it but you're right. Totally doesn't mean anything," I said and looked away right after so that he wouldn't be able to tell I was lying. I was such a bad liar. Luckily the doors opened right then so I rushed inside and because I was rushing, I of course tripped.

His hands caught me around the waist and righted me instantly and I felt coals where his hands touched my bare skin, as my shirt had slightly risen up a bit. His touch was gone far too soon but my cheeks still burned bright red. I could blame it on the trip though, so that's good.

"Oh Bella," he chuckled.

My tumble had seemed to return things to our previous ease around one another. We entered the room and I dumped my purse on the bed and collapsed on top of it. My body was sore from sitting in a car most of the day.


	12. Games

A/N: Sorry it has been so long. This chapter is extra long to make up for it. Review?

**Chapter 12**

**BPOV**

I lay on the bed, heart pounding way too fast with anxiety. I really needed to calm down. My stomach let out a monstrous snarl and I realized I still had yet to eat all day long. What the hell, I needed food in my belly ASAP.

Edward let out a huge laugh and collapsed himself onto the bed next to me. I laughed too and flipped on my side so we were facing one another. This moment felt intimate, but my hunger was too strong to make it feel awkward at the time. "Let's get you some food little Bella, before you shrink down to nothing," he said, running a hand down the side of my face and brushing some hair back.

My stomach turned into butterflies and I stared at him for longer than necessary. I forced myself to snap out of it when he sat up and grabbed the phone sitting on the bedside table. I heard him ask for a room service menu and looked around the room while he was busy, needing a distraction. How in the hell am I possibly going to get through this night without jumping on him and kissing him to death, if not more.

He hung up the phone and walked over to the dresser across the room opening a drawer. I looked at his backside as he bent over and may have gotten caught staring unfortunately. The usual reaction occured and if he hadn't noticed me staring, then he certainly figured it out from my face heating up as he turned back to me.

For some reason he didn't call me out, only smirked a smug smile yet again, like he knew I wanted him or something. What a jerk. Wait, I hope he doesn't see how I feel about him. How embarrasing would that be, especially because he keeps saying he doesn't feel the same way.

I shake my head and try to distract him. "Is that the menu. Gimme!" I say a bit too loudly. He shakes his head and holds it behind his back and when I reach around trying to grab it, he quickly holds it over my head just slightly, taunting me.

We play this game for a couple minutes, him looking at me with a gleam in his eye, me with a very real glare, because yes I am so hungry that I can barely enjoy the obvious flirting occuring. I said barely, I still love it. I can beat him, I think to myself. I rack my brain for a way to overpower the tall attractive guy in front of me and simply go on instinct. I stop trying to grab the menu and he immediately lowers it to where I could possibly reach it if I were quick enough. I know that won't be possible so I do the first thing that comes to mind. We are standing very close to one another and I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack if I don't move closer, so I do. My hand reaches out and he flinches the menu away immediately but I make no move to try to reach it, having a different plan in mind. I touch my hand to his chest, letting it linger there and while this is just part of the game to try and beat him, I can't help but feel the heat of his chest, the muscles lying below my hand, which I now see is shaking slightly. I force myself to slowly look up at him and he is looking at me almost like he looked at me when it felt like we almost kissed that night. My mind almost forgets that I am just trying to get the menu from him. I grab it from his hands easily because he isn't playing the game anymore. Just looking at me instead. I smile in triumph and hold the menu up between us, stepping back a step even though it is the hardest thing in the world for me to do. He snaps out of whatever daze he was in that had allowed his attention to wander from the game we were playing. I can't possibly be imagining all of this could I?

He narrows his eyes at me for a minute then just shakes his head and laughs lightly.

My heart is pounding heavily but I force myself with shaking hands to look at the menu and forget what just happened.

This is already getting out of control, I think to myself before I get lost reading the menu. Everything sounds so good. "Bella, how long does it take to pick something to eat. C'mon lady," Edward exclaims as I finally pick something.

I look up at him finally and he gives me a fake exasperated look to which I promptly stick my tongue out at him. Let's just keep this easygoing attitude, no more sexual tension please. Yeah right, that is going to be hard to do.

After we place our order, I grab the remote and plop back down on the bed, looking at Edward and patting the spot next to me. I flip on the television and start browsing. He sits next to me but not too close and elbows me playfully. "Give me the remote Bella. You suck at picking what to watch."

I look at him in shock. "Rude." But I end up handing it to him anyways because I could really care less what we watch. He picks some lame movie and we both fall into a comfortable silence until the food arrives, at which point we devour our meals faster than humanly possible.

As we are finishing up, he pulls out his phone and gets a weird look on his face.

"What was that Edward?" I ask, instantly curious.

He hides his look and puts the phone back in his pocket. "Oh nothing. Alice just sending me weird things when she's drunk. You know her..." he says lamely.

I narrow my eyes at him, thinking that he is hiding something from me. "What do you want to do, I am bored of this room already. I want to have some fun!" he says.

"Bored of me already, huh?" I tease. But he is right. I really don't want to sit here and watch tv any longer.

I don't have time to answer before he is walking over to the mini fridge in the room. "Oh please be stocked, please be stocked," he mutters as he opens it.

"Score!" he shouts, looking at me excitedly. I give him a questioning look and wonder over to him to see what he is going on about.

"Mini alcohol bottles!" he says in an Alice like voice.

"Um Edward, are you really going to pay like $8.00 for that little shot?" I ask.

He grins at me and grabs a bottle, twisting off the cap and downing it before I can even start to protest.

He cracks up at my face and hands me one. "Oh no Edward, I am underage, I will get like arrested or something," I joke.

"Haha Bella, just drink it. Don't worry about the money. I've got it taken care of."

I hesitate slightly but take the little bottle of Smirnoff from him. I hold it up, cheers style and he grabs another and joins me. "To us," he says, and we both down the shot.

I feel it immediately go to my brain and I take the few steps back and sit on the bed feeling a little tipsy already. He laughs at me and I giggle at how silly I feel. I never drink vodka, it clearly affects me strongly.

"Woah Bells, you okay there," he teases, standing in front of me and moving his hands around as if I can't see straight or something.

"Shut up Eddie," I say, pushing him away from me. He stumbles slightly from my push, informing me that he too already feels a little tipsy. I laugh hysterically because I never see Edward being clumsy at all and for some reason right now it is hilarious. "I am so glad you are 21 so we could have a room with the mini fridge bar in it," I say.

He laughs with me and I jump up to grab more shots. I load my arm with six mini bottles and make my way back to the bed where Edward is sitting. I sit cross legged in front of him and put three bottles in front of him and three in front of myself.

"Damn Bella, are you trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me?, he says.

Unfortunately I blush, making me feel a bit awkward but he doesn't let it get weird thankfully. He ignores my blush, grabbing a shot and cheersing me again. "To...how cute you look when you blush" he starts, not looking at me and downing the shot.

I falter, the shot halfway to my mouth. I stare at him and he finishes, then looks back at me, a small smile on his face. He makes a motion with his hand for me to take the shot. I do, the whole time looking at him in a sort of awe. Is he hitting on me or just getting drunk and flirty?

The shot hits me and I feel myself warm up. He grabs the next one, ready to go again. I hold my chest and make a dirty face announcing my distaste for the vodka. "Ugh, this shit is gross. And what is with all the toasts? Are you seriously ready to go again?" I ask. He laughs and holds up the shot, not responding, just waiting for me.

"Here's to...you blushing when I said you were cute," he says, laughing again before taking the shot. I am right behind him this time though, taking the shot and then punching him for teasing me.

"Stop teasing me Edward, it's not nice. I can't help blushing no matter what you seem to say."

He looks at me curiously. "So I make you blush just speaking to you? I didn't know I had that kind of effect on you Bells," he says, teasing me again. He has a small smile on his face still and it just looks too darn cute. I need to wipe it off his face.

"Hey now, remember when I stole the menu from you? Apparently I have some kind of effect on you or else you wouldn't have let me get it from you," I say without thinking. I blush immediately at what I just said. I basically just presumed that he was attracted to me, whereas he was just teasing me, I know.

He plays right back though, not seeming to be embarrased at all. "I just let you have it because it looked like you were going to faint or something," he says, laughing again.

He was probably right, I did most likely look like I was going to faint. Just not from hunger like he thinks. This makes me blush yet again and I see that I played right into his game. He knows I am attracted to him, he's teasing me for it. What a jerk. He's so not modest. I guess I wouldn't be either if I had every girl ever thinking I'm sexy like Edward has.

"You are such a jerk," I say. My blush seems to want to stick around for good now, since it hasn't gone away since he first called me cute.

I hold up the last shot. "My turn to make a toast. Here's to..." I stop and stare at him, trying to think of something to say.

He looks at me waiting, and after a minute it becomes clear that I am not going to come up with something to say. He cuts me off, "Here's to you being right."

He takes the shot and I take mine before protesting his cutting me off and questioning him. "Um, I know I'm usually right but what am I right about in this context?" I ask. "And thanks for cutting off my genius toast I was about to make..."

He laughs but doesn't answer. I punch him again, "Edward, what am I right about?" I plead, bouncing on my knees in front of him.

He doesn't answer still and looks a bit uncomfortable. "I'm not telling you, maybe later." I sulk and cross my arms over my chest in defiance. "You suck. Who does that?"

"Um, I guess I do. So let's see what's on tv." I continue to pout until it becomes obvious he isn't going to tell me just yet. I sit up next to him against the pillows so that we are both comfortably in front of the tv. Our legs are touching but that doesn't seem like enough. I want to be touching more of him so I get up and go to the bathroom. "BRB Eddie," I say, giggling as I run and yep, you guessed it, trip to the bathroom.

I hear him crack up and I shoot him an evil glare before shutting the door behind me. I look at myself in the mirror. My cheeks are tinted a bright pink from the vodka and my hair is a bit of a mess. My jeans that I had put on that morning are still fitting snugly to me, causing me to be a bit uncomfortable but whatever. I consider taking off my jeans but quickly dismiss that idea. I smooth out my shirt and hair before exiting the bathroom.

I look at him and he is just sitting there looking so cute watching the tv. He has some documentary about the Rolling Stones on and seems enthralled. So much so that he hasn't seen me exit the bathroom yet. I take this moment just to study him. I know then and there that this isn't just a crush. I am falling in love with him, maybe already am in love with him. What I need to figure out is if my feelings for him are worth breaking up with Jasper for.

I walk back over and he smiles at me as I get close. "Bella, if you call me Eddie one more time I am going to have to..." he trails off. I lean over him on the bed on my knees, my hair swinging close to his face. I smile at him as he stops talking. "You're going to have to what?" I ask, smiling at him in what I hope is somewhat a sexy way. I can't say I'm the best at flirting. Now that I have admitted how I feel to myself I kind of want to show him and see how he reacts, even though that scares me to death. And there is no way I am going to let anything happen because I am still with Jasper. No harm flirting and figuring out his feelings though right? Probobly not right but my drunk brain doesn't understand enough to fight.

He looks a bit shocked at my close proximity but recovers quickly, grabbing me by the waist and swinging me over him so that I land on his side on my back. He swings himself over me then so that he is stradling me but not touching me at all. My heart is burning with desire for him. He leans closer and almost whispers it to me. "I might have to punish you. And I really don't think you are ready to be punished quite yet", he says with a downright evil sexy smirk that would make just about any hot blooded female disrobe immediately.

I have no idea what to do so I just lay there staring up at him, probably being totally obvious as to how much I want him but not really caring any longer. He leans even closer to me and his breath tickles my cheek, driving me insane. "Though you seem almost ready."

Then he moves off me before I have time to process anything that just happened. I make myself sit up and respond because I can't let him think that he can defeat me that easily. He is up and in the bathroom before I can respond and god damnit. I need to one up that son of a bitch. He is just evil and I believe he knows exactly what he is doing to me. Maybe not, maybe he is just simply the sexiest man alive and doesn't have any idea how he effects me. I will have to be a little more forward about this. Shy Bella needs to leave the room. I look around for an idea.

I see my purse lying in the chair next to the bed, Edward's long sleeve button up that he had taken off long ago lying next to it. A lightbulb goes off in my head and I decide to be a little risque. What do I have to lose. If he doesn't respond in a positive way I can just play it off as me being uncomfortable.

I quickly slip my jeans off pull and pull my shirt off my head. I am so glad I randomly am wearing my favorite black boy short undies with lace across the top. I hurriedly put on Edward's shirt and steal a quick glance at myself in it before I hear him flush the toilet. My heart flies to my throat in anxiety but I rationalize with myself that the shirt goes all the way practically to my knees because I'm so short that it really isn't even that sexy. I run back over to the bed and sit casually, trying to play it cool. Luckily my cheeks are already red from the vodka or I'd probably be on fire right now. He comes out of the bathroom, turning to the mirror and running a hand through his hair. I see him look at me in the mirror and then look back at his hair then his head snaps around to me suddenly.

He looks like he just saw a ghost, he's so surprised but he hides it as fast as he showed it. "Hey, my jeans were killing me I hope you don't mind I borrowed your shirt," I say, trying to sound nonchalant and surprisingly succeeding. Somehow I have a little confidence in myself at the moment. Must be liquid courage.

"Um, yeah, sure. No problem. Uh, yeah that's fine," he stutters. Yay, I got a reaction out of him. I see him look at my legs, just like he looked at my legs this morning, trying hard not to.

He looks from my legs and off into a point past my head then suddenly he grins, looking right at me. He then pulls his shirt over his head. "Well, if we are going to get comfortable, I may as well take this baby off. You don't mind right?" he says, grinning that smug smirk at me again. My jaw drops but I turn it into a smile. "Of course not."

He comes over and sits next to me, further away than last time even. I want to be closer. I need an excuse to get up and sit back down again. I'll have to wait a minute though or it'll seem too obvious. I get up and walk over to the mini fridge, feeling the draft on my legs makes me feel nervous and I can practically feel him staring at my backside. I lean over and grab a bottle of water and a couple more shots, realizing that my ass was peeking out just slightly from under the shirt. So glad I'm not wearing a thong...

I look over my shoulder and sure enough he is staring at me. I blush furiously and look away and clear my throat. I nervously make my way back to the bed, almost losing the courage to sit closer to him. I sit down and am about to slide closer to him but he makes it easy on me and pulls me closer himself. I smile up at him and he gives me what I think is a somewhat nervous look. We sit in silence for a couple minutes before I announce it's time for one last shot.

"One last call for alcohol, finish your whiskey and beers" he sings after I say so. I elbow him and turn so that my knees are facing him, but make sure I'm not giving him a show by angling my legs away from him. He looks down at my legs again and then back up at me.

"Keep your eyes up here Eddie, or you'll have to be punished instead of me," I say teasingly. I swear he blushes slightly but it's closely followed by him putting his hands on my legs and slowly moving them up so I don't hardly notice his face. My eyes are looking at his hands and I'm about to die.

He raises his hands slowly, til he reaches the hem of his shirt and does something I don't expect. He pulls the shirt down lower on my legs so less skin shows. I feel so stupid suddenly and look away from him.

Why did I put this stupid shirt on I feel so silly. He probablly sees exactly what I am doing here and thinks I'm stupid. He reaches a hand up and forces my face to look at him. "I told you if you called me Eddie one more time you were in trouble," he says. I just look at him, totally unsure what to say and still feeling a bit stupid.

"You're not going to do anything to me. I know you won't" I say. He laughs and then grabs a bottle of tequila. Yep, only tequila left.

"Oh lala tequilala," he says, cracking himself up.


	13. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

**Chapter 13**

**BPOV**

The next morning hits me like a ton of bricks. A ton of bricks pounding into my brain over and over again. I open my eyes to see brightness surrounding me and quickly snap them shut again and cover them with both hands. I hear a chuckle from somewhere not that close to me and my brain immediately wonders why Edward is so far away from me when I am pretty sure I fell asleep on his shoulder after somewhere between that last shot and the end of the documentary we had been watching.

I force myself to open my eyes into the blinding light of morning time and see Edward sitting on the lone armchair that is located next to the windows. I see also the curtains behind him are wide open.

"Shut the damn curtains Edward. Geez what the hell," I grumble.

He just chuckles again but follows my orders. I continue to look at him as he plays nonchalantly with his phone, fingers moving rapidly on the screen.

"Why are you over there on that chair. And why does it appear you slept on said chair?" I wonder aloud after seeing the pillow and blanket draped on the side.

"It appears so because it is true. I slept in said chair," he quips dryly.

I am not amused. How dare he make himself uncomfortable on account of me. "Edward this bed is plenty big enough for the two of us. Why on earth would you sleep in that horrible chair. I am positive that your back is killing you right now."

He just looks at me for a moment as if deciding something, then shakes his head. "Bella, my back does hurt, but not as bad as my face would if your boyfriend knew what went down last night. I was trying to regain some kind of respect for myself as a decent human and a decent man by not sleeping in the bed with you draped all over me in just my tee shirt. I'm sorry if that is hard for you to understand."

He immediately gets up after that and walks to the door, stopping before turning the handle to say one more thing, not even turning around to do so. "Oh, I left water and aspirin on the nightstand. I'm sure that you're going to need it."

I feel like someone just kicked me in the gut. I suddenly feel horrible about myself and what Edward clearly deems as completely my fault. Did he think I was totally throwing myself at him by putting his shirt on like that. I look down at myself in it in disgust. How could I be so forward and flirty and obvious when he just made it perfectly clear that he is not interested in it at all and finds me repulsive.

I feel like the lowest possible feeling I could feel and get up grab the aspirin and water before downing three and the whole bottle in one big gulp.

I feel sick, but not from being hungover. Sick with guilt about how I treated both Edward and Jasper. Edward was right, it was disgusting how I was behaving, practically cheating on Jasper. I shakily reach for my phone and dial Jasper's number, heart beating loudly in my chest.

It rings. And rings and rings. Finally it goes to voicemail and I leave a clipped message asking for a call back. I have to tell Jasper everything that I've been feeling. I have to figure out if I still want to be with him, that is if he still wants to be with me after everything I have to tell him.

In the back of my head my heart is aching that Edward just rejected me so strongly and called me out so badly and a part of me just wants to curl on the bed and close my eyes in fetal position until it stops hurting, but I decide that this is exactly what I deserve for being such a shameful, disrespectful person to Jasper. Especially because he doesn't even know about it yet.

I force myself to get up, shedding Edward's shirt before hopping into the shower. I wash away not just the dirt, but all the horrible things I have done, mostly emotionally, but that is no excuse. Yes, I clearly still have feelings for Edward but he just totally denied me and let me know that none of what happened between us had ever been okay with him. Yes, I still cared deeply for Jasper, and I couldn't go on hurting him and myself like this any longer. I had to decide whether I wanted to be with him, regardless of my feelings for Edward.

When I dressed and emerged from the bathroom, my eyes puffy from crying during most of my shower, I saw Edward sitting on the bed, once again on his phone typing rapidly.

I put my eyes on my feet and went to grab my bad, finding my cell inside. I distractedly looked through it, more to have something to appear I was doing than anything else.

"Look, Bella."

I refused to look up, though I did set my phone down next to me. I was too embarassed to look at him.

I felt him get up and come to stand in front of me. I felt him touch my chin and force me to look at him.

"Bella, I know you are upset about what I said this morning. I'm sorry. I- I'm sorry I freaked out on you. I felt like shit for the way I acted last night and I took it out on you. I know you were just having fun, I didn't mean to imply anything else that you were intending or whatever. I mean, uh- does that even make sense?"

He looked at me and I looked at him. His eyes had always been like bottomless pits of emotion to me. Right now they were screaming for forgiveness. Forgiveness for rejecting me I'm assuming?

When I didn't respond right away, he continued talking, this time walking away from me and pacing back and forth agitatedly. "Okay here goes. I am sick of this verbal barrier we seem to have with each other. Maybe I'm crazy but I feel like I never say half of what I want to say to you because I'm too afraid of what you'll think or how you'll react if I do. And maybe I'm crazy again but I feel like maybe you are feeling the same way about this?" he said with a sigh.

"Alright," he came back over and sat next to me on the bed again. "I am going to stop all that right now by just trying something."

He looked at me questioningly, obviously extremely cautious about what he was about to say. My stomach suddenly was swarming with butterflies and I couldn't explain why.

He continued, "Bella, I am going to be honest with you right now and I really hope you can handle it. If you can't then, well I guess we won't be able to be friends like this any longer. I don't know if I want that anymore anyways, it's almost like torture to me."

He was looking at his lap, his forehead all scrunched together and pained looking. My heart was beating out of control and my face was white as a ghost. I could tell all of this without even looking in a mirror. I literally felt the blood run out of my face.

Did he just say he doesn't even want to be friends with me because it's like torture? What the fuck. I thought we were more than that? Was I that obvious with my feelings that it made him so uncomfortable that it was torturous to be around me? That hurt. That hurt really badly to know that he didn't want me like that or even as a friend.

"How can you say that being friends with me is torture to you? I thought you were my best friend Edward. I thought I meant more to you than that. I'm sorry that last night, me flirting with you was too much for you to hand-"

He jumped up and grabbed at his hair, pulling it over and over again as he resumed his pacing. "Bella, stop. Stop it right there." He made his way over to me again, this time leaning down in front of me, kneeling between my legs by the side of the bed. My eyes were threatening to spill the tears that were welling there.

He reached up and swiped away the one tear that dared to escape down my cheek. "Bella, that is what I'm trying to say. I do care about you. I care about you too much."

My stomach dropped yet again. What was he saying? He was still looking at my face, probably trying to guess what I was thinking.

"I care too much what you think of me. I care too much about being around you. I want to be around you all of the time. I am so sick of trying to pretend like I don't want to do this..."

And suddenly his lips were touching mine. I froze, completely in shock and amazement. Edward was kissing me. Edward's lips were touching mine, and I was just sitting here.

He moved his lips slightly, catching my bottom lip between his lips and sucking slightly. I reacted immediately, grabbing for his face and kissing him back. He put his hands on both sides of my face and deepened the kiss, but not too much.

He pulled back finally, looking at me like he was afraid I was going to freak out. And I should probably be freaking out but all I could think about was the fact that my heart was beating a million miles per minute and butterflies were flying all crazily in my stomach and I felt tingles on my cheeks where Edward's hands had just left.

We just stared at each other for a minute, and I seriously couldn't figure out what to say. I knew what we had just done was so horribly wrong but all I wanted to do was do it again. And again and again and again. He finally broke eye contact and got up, beginning to pace again.

"Oh god, I've ruined everything haven't I?" he mused to himself.

He was pulling at his hair again and I jumped up, not allowing myself to think about anything else besides showing him that he wasn't alone in what he had just said. Wrong or right as this may be, I would conquer those emotions and actions later. I couldn't think of Jasper quite yet.

I just needed to kiss him and show him how much I wanted him right now. To show myself that I hadn't been crazy this whole time, to prove again to myself that he really did want me, because honestly, I was having a hard time sinking that information into my brain.

He heard me get up and turned around, looking at me like a scared child again. "Edward, kiss me."

He dropped his hands from his hair and moved determinedly to where I was, grabbing my face and kissing me hard. I melted into him and felt the world disapear around me. Nothing else really mattered at this moment. I don't remember ever feeling this way from a kiss ever. This was all new to me and I just wanted to get lost in this forever.

He started pushing me backwards onto the bed, continuing to kiss me the whole way. My knees hit the edge and I fell backwards onto the bed, Edward falling on top of me. I giggled nervously and he stopped, hovering over me and grinning the happiest grin I think I have ever seen him grin.

He kissed me again, but this time just once before pulling away. "Bella, you have no idea how long I have wanted to kiss you like this." He pushed the hair off my forehead and kissed it, then my nose, then back to my lips. I didn't let him get away this time, pulling him closer to me with both arms around his neck.

We continued like this for a couple minutes before he pulled away reluctantly.

We both sat up, looking at one another's flushed faces and swollen lips, not to mention mussed hair.

"So this is the part where reality sets in and you tell me this means nothing and you are going to go back to Jasper now."

He looked at me and I bit my lip. I honestly had no idea what to say.

"Look, you don't have to do or say anything right now. I know that this is wrong what just happened and I am going to leave it up to you on how we are going to handle this. Telling Jasper is the right thing to do though, but I will let you decide if we should tell him or not, and I promise to respect your decision, whether you decide to or not."

"Edward, I- I just don't know what to say. I have been wanting this with you for a while now, but I have so much to think about and process what I really want. I don't want to hurt you or Jasper but I know both of you are going to get hurt if I don't make some kind of decisions about where my life is headed. I just-"

"Bella stop. I knew when I kissed you today that you weren't going to suddenly send Jasper a text breaking up with him to be with me. I'm not that naive. I know that you guys have been together for a long time, but I also know the troubles and all the hurt and hard things you've dealt with with him going away for the summer since I'm the once you confided in. Don't feel like I'm saying this so you'll break up with him or something. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand you need time. It will be really hard for me to not kiss you again though, but I will refrain somehow."

He smirked at me. I couldn't believe he was dying to kiss me the same way I was dying to kiss him. Unbelievable.

"Hey, so that night in the playground?" I asked.

He blushed. "Um, what about it?"

"Did you want to kiss me that night or was I going crazy?"

He blushed again. Wow, I have the abilty to make Edward Cullen blush. Crazy.

"Yes. Yes I did. More than you can imagine.


End file.
